Friday, February 20, 2009

Top Ten Signs Your Mormon Movie Stinks.

In honor of the recently announced, Mormon movie "Scout Camp", I give you...

(Before we get to the Mormon movie stuff, I know what you are thinking, "A movie about Scout Camp?! What the heck?!". But, I have been told that this movie will in fact reach new levels of Mormon movie torpidity - so there is that to look forward to.)

Top Ten Signs that your Mormon movie is a piece of crap:

10. Most of the filming was done in an actual, echoing cultural hall.
9. Kirby Heyborne is in it (without the beer...although it would have probably been better if it were in fact a beer commercial).
8. There are no fewer than eight jokes about jello. (This could also include an disgusting abundance of jokes about: ice cream, having tons of kids, Republicans, lame RS homemaking projects, going to hell if you don't go to BYU, caffeinated sodas, saying words like "gosh" and "freak" too often, having kids with names like "Nephi", jokes about Steve Young, etc.)
7. The movie has "Single's Ward" in the title.
6. Somebody quotes the movie in Sunday School and before they quote it, they say something like, "I know it's kind of hokey, but in the Home Teachers movie...".
5. It will someday be placed in the "LDS" section at Blockbuster.
4. The soundtrack includes Thurl Bailey, Ryan Shupe and a spiky haired, boy-band trio called, "Celestialized".
3. Every family in Orem/Draper will have it on a shelf above their television.
2. The biggest named star you could get to be in the film is Gary Coleman and even then he refuses to say, "Watcha' talkin' bout, Bishop?".
1. There is an completely stereotypical - borderline racist - humongous Polynisian guy in the cast that acts like he is actually retarded.


sacdaddy said...

Draper?! Orem, yes. But, Draper??? Really?

Cheeseboy said...

Sorry Steve. Perhaps my view of Draper is a bit jaded.

sacdaddy said...

Don't be jealous just because we're getting a new temple and a new In-n-Out Burger. Yeah that's right we got ourselves a new In-n-Out starting in the late summer/early fall of this year.