Monday, February 9, 2009

Tooth Fairy MADNESS!

Lincoln lost a tooth last night. T'was his third. Cathi came up with a killer plan to have the tooth fairy bring him four quarters and leave them in a bowl in the corner of his bunk bed. Needless to say, we were awakened (or is it awoken?) at 3:30 in the morning to the sound of circular metal twisting through the air and hammering every wall, post and cabinet in the room. It sounded like a mammoth robot was spitting bolts in ever direction out of it's robot thighs. For a brief moment, I thought for sure a tiptoeing robber in a black mask and a black and white striped shirt was breaking into our metal jukebox to steal my Celine Dion albums.

I told Cathi that the tooth fairy does not bring change. She is strictly a cash carrier only. Surely, her little wings would not be able to carry a bag full of quarters throughout the world. She sticks strictly to the paper stuff. In fact, someday, not too far on the horizon, when you lose a tooth, the tooth fairy will simply credit your bank account and put a stub under your pillow. That way she is not flying around in the middle of the night with a fairy purse full of singles. She is just inviting trouble to find her and simply put, pixie dust works horribly as a mace substitute.

I told the kids in my class about our visit from Toothy McPhee last night. Each time I bring up the tooth fairy I am astounded by their TF knowledge. In fact, today I was told by my cousin's kid that her mom told her that the tooth fairy lives in a castle in Idaho. It makes complete sense to me as Idaho is known for it's fairy-esque castles and it's mystical, magical aura.

In a completely unrelated discussion about elves today, when I tried to argue that elves have magic powers, another child told me that only Santa has the magic powers - the elves are just doing the grunt work. Which makes me wonder, why is Santa hording all the magic? Wouldn't it be prudent to share the magic with the elves, at least during the busy season? If I were one of the elves, I'd be a little ticked. Here I am, busting my miniature tail off to make toys for the children while Santa lounges around on his magic filled butt.

I think I put the argument to rest with my assertion that elves are indeed magical. I argued that pirates are regular sized humans and do not seem to hold any magical skills. Elves, on the other hand, are tiny with pointy ears. It's just not natural. I mean, you wouldn't find an elf in any Natural Geographic. Clearly there must be some mystical enchantment in the the works with these freaks.

Lincoln woke up briefly during the flying of coins and commotion. Thankfully, he did not wake up during the actual tooth fairy delivery. It would have been difficult to explain to him why I was wearing green tights and ballet butterfly wings. The eye glitter I dumped all over my body was great for getting me into character, but it would have been extremely embarrassing if Lincoln had caught site of it.


Lori said...

What a strange tradition the tooth fairy is. I wonder what the story is behind the start of it.

Congratulations on the lost tooth Lincoln!

Tammy said...

I'm surprised that didn't take you back to your mission memory from a few posts ago. You know the one where you thought you were being shot at :)

Our tooth fairy leaves a $2 bill and ended up bringing Nathan's tooth back because he was so upset that she took it.