Wednesday, February 11, 2009

In defense of dragons...

I thought this comment from my friend Had deserved it's own post.  Certainly, he makes some valid points.  Nevertheless, I stand by my original unicorn statement.

You have gone too far. I must stand in defence of the mighty dragon. During my education I have been a hornet, a ram, a Ute, and even a Griffin (another amazing mythological creature). None of these stand a chance against the mighty dragon. Allow me to explain:

Which weapon would you rather have with you walking into a dark alley, a jar of glittery sprinkles or a blowtorch? A single spiraled horn or dozens of razor sharp teeth and claws? What would you rather be wearing in that dark alley? Matching white jean jacket and pants with a long, lovely glittering wig? Or plate mail armor with spiked gauntlets and boots?

Everyone knows that Unicorns are simple herbivores. Their flat molars are designed to chew grasses and leaves - maybe even some lovely dew-covered clover (they like that pretty stuff). Dragons are carnivores. Killers. They have an arsenal of weaponry in their mouths - sort of like a warehouse of all of the unsold Ginsu knives. These teeth will easily and accurately slice through something as delicate as a tomato, tear through an aluminum can, and even a pipe! All without losing their razor sharp edge!

Take a line from the Dillworth Dragons school song (perhaps the funniest, and cockiest school song out there)
The other schools,
turn green with envy.
When they see us,
The Dillworth Dragons.

(That gave you the chills, didn't it...)


sacdaddy said...

You both have such valid and compelling arguments. I'm not sure which way I'd go...

I guess I'm just glad I've never been forced to choose.

What's the verdict on Minotaurs? Wouldn't they take either? Should we start a new school and be the Minotaurs? Abe could be the Teacher, I'll be the Duty Guard. Had, you up for Janitaur?

Jesse Harding said...

Guys, guys. The resolution here is simple. We'll just have to judge this by looking at the lyrics of each school's song and deciding which is the most bad ass.

First Uintah's:
Uintah you're making my light shine!
Uintah you're making me smart!
Uintah you're opening my mind!
I love you with all of my heart!

Hmmmm no mention of a Unicorn there. Or an epic battle. In fact those lyrics are pretty lame. What pansy wrote those? Even worse, what pansy sang them?

This is the unicorn I picture when I read those lyrics.

Ok now Dilworth's song. Bear with me as the song is quite a bit longer and better thought out than Uintah's. And oh yeah, it actually mentions the mascot... big time. Let's take a look:

We are the best!
We are the number one!
We always win!
We are the Dilworth Dragons!

(now begins the historical interlude/bridge)

That was very long ago but still we proudly tell the story of a dragon brave and strong and bold who chose our school above the others, in all the state of Utah, to carry on the glory all year long

The other schools
Turn green with envy
When they see us!
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAR! (yes we would actually growl in assemblies after singing it)

Hmmmm that song conjures up images of a dragon that looks something like this.

Plus I would like to add that Dilworth's song actually came from a Reflections entry that was so good it not only won Reflections that year, but also became the official school song. Thus a song for the students written BY the students rather than some wussy song a teacher wrote to try to brainwash their children into thinking the most important think about school is having a shiny light.

Folks - the answer is obvious. If you need help just look at those pictures I linked to again and imagine the battle that would ensue between those two creatures.

Cheeseboy said...

Steve, so what you are saying is that you are going to go with the unicorn, right? As far as the minotaurs, a fine idea.

And Jess, nice try! The Dilworth song sounds like it was written by a drunk Jack Black. (And perhaps it was?) Sure, you pictures make a statement, but we already know that the unicorn is a pansy animal. All I am saying is that sure, it might be a pansy, but it's special skills give it the edge in a battle with a dragon.

One more thing, I am fairly sure that the Uintah song was written by a famous singer that went to Uintah. Oh, and I was a janitor at Dilworth for two years. Not once was I ever scared of a dragon. The "dragons" there are pathetic.

Hadley said...

You are a good man Cheeseboy. I appreciate you posting this controversial topic - and allowing equal representation on both sides of the issue.

Oh, and by the way... RAAAARR! (I know that made you jump).

Steve, I think you're on to something - the only way to settle this just may be creating our own school and finding an awesome mascot that all can agree on.

Abe, your comment about Jack Black writing the school song really made me think. I just looked him up - he was born August 28th, 1969. That would have made him a 5th or 6th grader when Jesse and I were in kindergarten. I think he really may have written the song - it is certainly possible. But I don't think he was drunk at the time - probably just a little buzz from eating too much paste.

Speaking of getting scared at Dillworth Abe - do you remember how hard we tried to scare Will the Janitor at night? I think that place just bleeds pure courage - that could explain why we couldn't scare Will, and might also explain why you weren't scared there as well. Just a thought...

I think you should do a tribute post to Will - he was the man.

Cheeseboy said...

Had, you totally read my mind. I have been thinking of doing a Will post for a long time now! Before I write it, I was hoping to find out if he is still alive. Unfortunately, my guess is that he is not. Do you remember his last name? As I recall, his full name was Wilber.

Hadley said...

I want to say his last name was Carson? Does that sound right? He was a pretty feisty old guy - I bet he outlives us all.