I often thought that if we were to ever experiment with time travel, the human race should start by sending turtles through time, on account of their time resilient shells and all.
Speaking of time travel, I have heard it said that the only body part that continues to grow throughout your life is your ears and that is why old guys have really large ears with lots of hair in them. I'm curious; if we began to travel through time, what would become of our ears? If we went 1,000 years into the future would we have gigantic ears and the rest of our body would be normal size? Chew on that for awhile because I just blew your mind.
I feel badly for obese turtles. It probably gets really uncomfortable holding all that fat under those shells. Turtle liposuction is out of the question. Again, due to the shell. (I guess a turtle could get liposuction on their legs, but even obese turtles generally have skinny legs. What would be the point?) And losing weight must be next to impossible given a turtle's ability to exercise. Have you ever seen a turtle on a stair stepper? No? Well you should try it and then let me know how it went. Or, better yet, have youtube come film it so that I can see it myself. (Thank you, Michael Scott.)
If we were to send a turtle into the future, I think the most fitting device would be a Delorian and not a phone booth.
*Note - Abe was in no way intoxicated or high during the writing of today's blog post. Nor did not hit his head during the day.
I have, however, spent too much time online playing a facebook game called "upwords" the past few days that has left me slightly delirious and a bit confused about the porpoise of my life right now. It seems like my life is just molting away and I might just snap at any second. Perhaps it's time I come out of my shell.
This post could also have come to fruition because last night I dreamt I was a time traveling, obese turtle.
**Also, I thought a porpoise was a kind of turtle, but apparently it is a sea animal and that totally screwed up my joke. I'm leaving it in there anyway.