Well folks, I am back! I was in Island Park, Idaho (near Yellowstone) at my Grandmother's cabin, with no internet access and no way to check the Blog O' Cheese. I look forward to getting caught up and visiting all of your remarkable blogs. In the mean time, enjoy this post; I came up with it after my wife asked me to get something off the "lazy susan" at the cabin and I had no idea what she was talking about.
THE VERY FIRST LAZY SUSAN
Susan: Will you pass the butter?
Dianne: Uh, it’s like a foot away from you, Susan.
Susan: Yeah, but I just can’t seem to reach it. It’s not like I’m Stretch Armstrong or Long-armed McGee.
Susan: I don’t know, I was too lazy to think of a real person.
Dianne: Can’t you see I’ve got my hands full? I’m changing your kid’s diaper WHILE I match your socks.
Susan: That reminds me, can you use the Huggies please? The Walmart brand always leaks and you know I’m just going to have to call you when little Mazy craps herself.
Dianne: Susan, you might just be the laziest person I have ever met in my life! It’s so ironic that your last name is “Lazy”.
Susan: I know, but you see, this bread ain’t going to butter itself.
Dianne: It’s RIGHT THERE Susan! Just stand up! Good heck, you are LAZIEST S.O.B. I have EVER MET IN MY LIFE!
Susan: They don’t call me “Susan Lazy” for nothing. Now, will you hand me the salt while you’re up?
Dianne: No! For heaven’s sake, just stand up and get the friggen’ salt yourself. IT’S RIGHT THERE!
Susan: Still too far. If only I had a contraption… something I could just turn and the food would come right in front of me.
Dianne: You know what, Susan Lazy? You might just be on to something!
Susan: I’d never have to leave the table again. It could be like a enormous upside down frisbee on the table – on a swivel.
Dianne: Perfect and I bet Chinese restaurants would kill for something like that!
Susan: But Chinese people aren’t lazy.
Dianne: You’re Chinese, Susan.
Susan: That’s right. Does this mean I will never have to pass the soy sauce across the table?
Dianne: That is exactly what this means. Why Susan Lazy, you may be lazy, but you’re a doggoned genius!
Susan: You know Dianne, I was thinking: I also hate it when I have to reach to the back of my cupboards to get a can of Cream of Twinkee soup for little Mazy.
Dianne: I still can’t believe you named her Mazy - how cruel. And you know that I already reach back in the cupboards for you, right?
Susan: Well, I am 537 pounds. It is hard to bend like that. You are such an enabler Dianne.
Dianne: I know it. Now where did I put my wood carving tools? Let’s do this!