THE VERY FIRST LAZY SUSAN
Susan: Will you pass the butter?
Dianne: Uh, it’s like a foot away from you, Susan.
Susan: Yeah, but I just can’t seem to reach it. It’s not like I’m Stretch Armstrong or Long-armed McGee.
Dianne: Who?
Susan: I don’t know, I was too lazy to think of a real person.
Dianne: Can’t you see I’ve got my hands full? I’m changing your kid’s diaper WHILE I match your socks.
Susan: That reminds me, can you use the Huggies please? The Walmart brand always leaks and you know I’m just going to have to call you when little Mazy craps herself.
Dianne: Susan, you might just be the laziest person I have ever met in my life! It’s so ironic that your last name is “Lazy”.
Susan: I know, but you see, this bread ain’t going to butter itself.
Dianne: It’s RIGHT THERE Susan! Just stand up! Good heck, you are LAZIEST S.O.B. I have EVER MET IN MY LIFE!
Susan: They don’t call me “Susan Lazy” for nothing. Now, will you hand me the salt while you’re up?
Dianne: No! For heaven’s sake, just stand up and get the friggen’ salt yourself. IT’S RIGHT THERE!
Susan: Still too far. If only I had a contraption… something I could just turn and the food would come right in front of me.
Dianne: You know what, Susan Lazy? You might just be on to something!
Susan: I’d never have to leave the table again. It could be like a enormous upside down frisbee on the table – on a swivel.
Dianne: Perfect and I bet Chinese restaurants would kill for something like that!
Susan: But Chinese people aren’t lazy.
Dianne: You’re Chinese, Susan.
Susan: That’s right. Does this mean I will never have to pass the soy sauce across the table?
Dianne: That is exactly what this means. Why Susan Lazy, you may be lazy, but you’re a doggoned genius!
Susan: You know Dianne, I was thinking: I also hate it when I have to reach to the back of my cupboards to get a can of Cream of Twinkee soup for little Mazy.
Dianne: I still can’t believe you named her Mazy - how cruel. And you know that I already reach back in the cupboards for you, right?
Susan: Well, I am 537 pounds. It is hard to bend like that. You are such an enabler Dianne.
Dianne: I know it. Now where did I put my wood carving tools? Let’s do this!
59 comments:
I am so glad you are back. This is hilarious, as usual.
Off to patent a Lazy Kristina.
Maybe they should put a "block o' cheese" on that lazy susan. Now that would be worth reaching/spinning for.
Oh, how I've missed you! Welcome back (and, thanks for another great laugh, Cheese!!)!!
I hope you had a wonderful time! It sounds like a little bit of heaven.
Hey, I was gonna say that it seems like I should have invented the Lazy Susan seeing as how I'm so lazy and all, then you used the name Mazy in your story and I was thinking it should've been called Lazy Macey, (for me, ya know!) but actually Lazy Mazy would be better.
This does have me wondering why they picked on Susan.
Now that Betty, she never got off her ass. Well except for Oh Black Betty, she could really move.
I've seen the picture.. I've read the words.. but I'm still not entirely sure what that thing is.
I have never encountered such a strange drawer in my life. I'm off to visit your grandmothers cabin!
I think you figured out why I have a lazy Susan on my kitchen table AND my outside table.....
I'm feeling just a tad guilty that I keep a large lazy Susan in the middle of our dining room table - "pass the water" is a thing of the past!
but the corner cupboard ones? they just annoy me - we only keep the kids plastic dishes down there!
You may have spent one day too long out in those woods. Just a thought. :-)
Hope you had a nice hiatus!! Welcome back to the blogosphere! I enjoyed reading the "Best of" this past week.
I have truly missed your wonderful posts! This dialogue is hilarious and so imaginative, it was a delight to read every word :D
Glad you are back. Your post was good too :0)
I have often wondered why the hell it is called that! Now I know! I learn so much from you, your Cheesiness.
Very funny stuff.
I was banned from the lazy susan after I discovered the true trajectory of salad bowl spun at high speed. :) Good times.
Cream of twinkie soup? How on earth did you come up with that one!?
mmmmm I want Cream of Twinkee soup!
So glad you are back!
We missed you at lunch today :(
All that because your wife said two little words. HA! Welcome back.
Welcome back Abe!
I especially loved the part about Susan being Chinese :)
We missed you Cheeseboy...really, truly!
I don't think Susan was lazy at all, she just spent all her time going around in circles...
ROFL I gotta get me one of these (a Dianne enabler that is!) Great post, great way to kick start my Sundday with a laugh and a smile. Thanks
I don't have a lazy susan, thanks for making me covet one. :( wink wink. (Its late and I'm tired, don't try and figure out what just happened here because I don't even know.)
Welcome back. I didn't even know u were gone. I was on vacation.
I don't like that "dianne" is spelled with 2 N's, I prefer one N.
That cupboard actually scares me.
Welcome back!
I'm sure that's exactly how the conversation went, too.
Wow, now I feel like a groupie. Sorry you didn't get the invite to the blogger lunch until it was too late; perhaps next time…
Glad you're back.
I am so glad Susan was lazy because I love my lazy Susan. I can jam so much crap on it for storage and then I just whirl it around to find it. So, you go Susan Lazy!
Glad to have you back around these parts, Cheese.
youareback--
and fresh as ever.
Chinese Susan weighs over 500 pounds?
i should have guessed it.
LOL! Welcome back!
Cream of twinkie... *shudder*
Great post -- bet that's so how it happened!
I can totally see that happening! THanks for the giglgles on a sunday morning
So THAT is the history of The Lazy Susan??? I had always wondered!! Very creative... welcome back from the woods...no internet? How did that feel?
HA! Too funny. I love spinning a Lazy Susan with the force of the big wheel on the Price is Right. Of course.. it's never MY Lazy Susan.
Try it next time you're at a party in someones house. Imagine their dismay the next morning when they open the door to grab some Aunt Jemima syrup!
Glad you're back! I want that corner piece, can you go back and yank it out for me please?
By golly, I bet you're spot on with the Lazy Susan. I laughed my rear off (which is good because I didn't get my walk this morning).
Thanks to you I had to research this. My mom has always called it that and we used to play Scrabble on one when the family would gather together for holidays.
http://www.ehow.com/facts_4923642_history-lazy-susan.html
Loved this! But since men are more known for the laziness trait then women, (present company exempt, of course) I think a guy invented it and then named it after his wife cause he thought she was lazy for not wanting to get up and bring him what he wanted.
Yesterday, I forgot to mention that Thomas Jefferson invented the "lazy Susan," he also invented Susan's equally lazy cousin, the "dumb waiter."
Delightfully silly.
Welcome back!
Pearl
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Thanks for the laughs!!!
I'm glad I got my history lesson for the day. Good thing I know I can trust you-you're a teacher.
I always wondered how it got its name - not really but I enjoyed this story. Thanks for sharing this story. And is lazy the right adjective for Susan. I would have gone with Determined or Committed, possibly Innovative.
Well, that was completely worth waiting for ... your mind works in mysterious ways!!!
Hi! LOVEd you at LOL. SO glad you submitted that post there.
Enjoy your summer, and the Lazy Susan thing? I said that once in front of my little guy and he looked at me like I was seeing ghosts. He said, "who is lazy susan?"
Welcome home, Abe! We've missed you!
My MIL's name is Susan. I wonder if she'd be offended if I started calling her Lazy Susan?
The problem with those Lazy Susans is that whatever I want seems to ALWAYS sit directly opposite from the way I START TURNING. It is maddening.
Welcome Back, Cheeseboy! We've missed you!
Who would've known that when I woke up this morning that today would be the day I find out the origin of the Lazy Susan.
Thanks Cheese. You're the best.
Hmmm...I don't have a Lazy Susan, but I do have a Lazy Tyler, Madison and Grant from time to time.
Love your posts!
I don't understand why anyone would place the Cream of Twinkee soup in the back of the cabiet.
Look at all these comments, and see how much you were missed. It's 'cuz we're all lazy and want the guarenteed silly laughter from our Cheeseboy.
xoRobyn
haaaa -- but now i'm confused. are susan and dianne life-partners?
welcome 'home,' cheeseboy
This was hilarious. Susan Lazy. That's a nice name. Hope you had a great time...:)
You know what's really fun to do with a Lazy Susan, especially when it's on a table? Wait till your husband or kid is ready to scoop something out of it, then turn it really, really fast. I have way too much fun with ours, heh heh!
Nice to know the origin of a Lazy Susan. You're a walking Wikipedia!
Oh, so funny! Good stuff.
Hey, we did cross paths! I was in Idaho a few days ago and saw exits for roads to Yellowstone. It was freeezing in Wyoming which I did not expect. More on that at the blog later, since I'm doing it flashback-style. My dad has internet, allegedly. But it was super-slow as was my sister's. He was on his computer and kept calling out to me when I was trying to blog and read blogs, "Hey! Are you trying to download a bunch of stuff?" Uh, yeah, dad. I'm trying to download a bunch of letters that make words. It's kinda what the internet is meant to be used for...
Anyway. Glad you're back and glad I am now staying with a friend with a reasonable internet connection.
wow i have one of those and still had no idea what a lazy susan is/was.
as a side note, you dont even want to know how 'john' became associated with toilets and pimps....(wow. "toilets and pimps". tell me that doesnt sound like an awesome blog title!)
My husband actually said to me the other day, "I wonder who that first Susan was?" after I asked him to get me something out of the lazy Susan.
What a great day to be a Susan! Welcome back!!
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