Tuesday, June 29, 2010

My rules for following blogs and commenting on them.

One thing I have learned about professional blogging (and I do consider myself a "professional", as I have made $31 in the profession to date) is that if you want people to read your substandard garbage, you are going to have to read their standard garbage and comment on it; it's just the way the game is played.  It's kinda like that whole, "You scratch my back, I'll scratch your back while you read my blog" thing.

So I follow blogs - over 200 as a matter of fact - and they follow me back.  We all follow each other.  With all this following and no real leading, we bloggers tend to wonder in circles and follow each other's trails like Bear Grills looking for a dead camel to hide inside of during a sandstorm.

I have no idea what I was thinking when I wrote that last sentence.  It makes no sense, but I am leaving it.

Therefore, I've laid some personal ground rules for following blogs.  I've been following these rules for some time now and I recommend you consider following them as well:

RULES FOR FOLLOWING AND COMMENTING

1. If you do not update your blog for more than 5 weeks, I will no longer follow you.  I realize stuff comes up; why just yesterday I couldn't blog on account of my bag of mustache hair had been set on fire by one of my sons. (There is no worse scent than burnt plastic and mustache hair.) Nevertheless, if you do not update for five weeks, you are not a professional blogger and, like the mafia, I only deal with professionals.  You've been warned: 5 weeks and I'm gone.

2. I don't mind reading girly blogs too much, but I will not comment on your blog if your post is about girly bodily functions.  Actually, I will occasionally comment on these, but I never know if what I comment actually made sense.

3. If you have a "giveaway" on your blog that involves doing something other than commenting once, count me out.  If it involves copying, pasting, posting, or linking back - that is work and your giveaway is no longer "free" if it involves work.

4. If you give me an "award", I will thankfully take it, but I never give awards to anyone else.  Actually, I take it back; I hereby give anyone that is reading this an award.  I have entitled it: "The Taking Names and Kicking Butt Award".  You are all deserving.  Let it be done.

Congratulations!  I expect to see it on your mantel when I come over to your house to claim my blogging award(s).

5. I do not participate in "memes" or "Friday Follows".   Memes are like shackles on my creativity and the folks you pick up in Friday Follows are unworthy of following me.  These followers might as well be the dead camel carcass we regular followers are looking for to crawl inside for safety.

6. I try and leave as many comments as possible, but commenting on every post every time is impossible.  This was a harsh blogging reality that I learned after hours of trying to comment on every post.  Now, I doubt that most people are sitting in their kitchen, dressed in their under-drawers and socks, waiting for Cheeseboy to comment on their post about their trip to the lake.  But if they are, they should be rest assured that I do care about their trip to the lake, I just may not get around to looking at your pictures.

So, there you have it: a bundle of new rules that will help you understand my blog following priorities.  I hope you'll understand.

103 comments:

Ms Bibi said...

You crack me up. I love coming over and I wish I did have more time, but apparently it's against the law to leave your children playing in a traffic and asking neighbors for food.So I can't come everyday, but I do try my hardest.

I got caught in the meme madness few months ago and I had to stop. Now I do some, but only when it goes with my post and not the other way around.

What's up with the repeated camel references?

Donda said...

Girlie blog? Is that like girlie magazine? Also, I am with you on the not doing more than one step for giveaways. I entered one and for all the time it took I could have driven to Wal-Mart and bought my own bottle if V-8. I am hereby awarding you the "I got balls to say it" trophy. It is sitting on my mantle until I get broke and have to pawn it!

Cheeseboy said...

Bib: I was watching a Man V. Wild episode with my son while I wrote this. The one that he cuts open a camel and uses it as shelter.

Donda - that is the greatest award I have ever received. Bless you!

Kristina P. said...

We have basically the same rules. Except that I usually don't realize when someone hasn't posted for 5 weeks.

I am having a giveaway next week. All I require is a comment. And a sperm donation.

Teachinfourth said...

I'd rather crawl into a tauntaun for suvival - but that's just a personal preference.

Good rules. I'll try not to write too many girly posts in the future, though hard this will be.

Sorry about the mustache...

DeNae said...

Hey, I have an award for you over at my place. All you have to do is complete a meme this Friday and post about your last pap smear.

Donda said...

OK DeNae rocks!!

MX3 said...

I would think lying inside a dead camel would be a worse fate than being hit by some sand, but that's just me...

But as always, thanks for the comments, Cheeseboy!

Tgoette said...

Definitely a great set of rules to blog by. I am going to go ahead and adopt them for myself. Well, except for the meme one (It's easier than thinking) and the award one (I can't help it, I a giver!) and the girly stuff one (If I don't blog about extreme feminine hygiene issues, who will?) Other than those, I'm totally with you, brudder!

imbeingheldhostage said...

Bless you! Can I just cut and paste this and use it for my next post? I've been wondering how you keep up with all of this. I'm about a year behind in returning comments. The guilt!
Oh, and even though I'm posting a little more often than every five weeks (it's summer, cut me some slack), I do NOT expect you to comment on each one.

DeNae's comment is hilarious!

TS Hendrik said...

Ah but that's exactly why you make people work for the giveaways. Makes the selection easier amongst those who don't care.

Ash said...

i'm a newbie so been following hilarious blogs (yours and mr. stupid) and mommy blogs. i try to comment on every followers' posts but lack interest on the giveaways.

i'm trying to do my best to update my blog and it hasn't passed the 5 weeks limit yet so come over and make a comment. :p

Melissa@Suger Coat It said...

Makes sense to me. I follow too many blogs I think. I follow so that I can find my way back if I ever want to. I have this morbid fear of never being able to find a mildly interesting blog again.

I always appreciate your comments. But mostly I find you funny. That's why I come back. Not because you comment.

Dallen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dallen said...

Ha. I guess I could comment... or you could just read my post reply! ... Have fun dude!

Mr. Stupid said...

Those are a good set of rules. Maybe, you should elaborate a bit and write it all in a book.
Sorry about the mustache. What a waste of mustache hair.

unmitigated me said...

I'm with you on the commenting. If I just pop in to say "LOL!" or something like that, it's a waste. I save comments for when I have something more substantial to say, and I prefer when my readers do that, too. I participate in three "memes": Spin Cycle, Dear So-and-So, and Random Tuesday Thoughts. But only when I feel like it.

InkMom said...

While I still use my Google reader excessively, I do not "follow" people any more because of that whole tit-for-tat thing -- I have four kids 5 and under. I don't have time for that crap. So if I'm not following, doesn't that make me the leader?

Oh, the power.

Mamma has spoken said...

I so agree with your rules especially the give a ways. I know that person is looking for more followers by using me. But sometimes it is a lot of work for what they are giving away.
Though I did win the gift certificate for $50 and it was fun spending it. So maybe it was worth blogging about her give away....

SueLovesCherries said...

What can I say? You're not only the Cheese Boy, but the Cheese KING!

Marnie said...

I like your rules. I agree. Sorry about your mustache hair :0(

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Those rules are so good I am currently embroidering them on a pillow. I would comment that I comment to reward effort. Make a child cry, slander your boss, reveal a secret that would get you jailed - that is what I want to see.

Dazee Dreamer said...

I so agree with your giveaway rant. I like anyone else would love the giveaway, but whatever happended to, I'll give it to the 10th commenter or the comment I like best. Plus, I have a bad track record of not winning, so why do all the other crap. Not this girl.

I love your professional blog. I guess I must be a professional also, becuase I HAVE to blog everyday. And I didn't yesterday and felt like I was lettting peope down. ok, shutting up now.

FluffyChicky said...

How did you know that I was sitting in my kitchen in my under-drawers and socks waiting for you to comment on my last post?! Are you spying on me AGAIN?!

Tree said...

CRACKING UP @ DeNae's comment!!

Dead camel carcass and burnt mustache hair?! LMAO How long had you been saving it?

I feel freakin special as hell since you DO visit my "girly" blog and DID comment on my girly bodily functions post! LOL Don't worry...I have more coming next month too! ;)

I accept the award too....now where is it? :)

Dave said...

I must admit that I have had to instigate a rule about reading your comment board since it has jumped from the low teens to the 50s in the last few months. Once I pass about 10 "Oh, Cheeseboy, you are hilarious!" and "Spot on, Cheeseboy!" type comments, I stop reading.

Marion Williams-Bennett said...

Amen to these rules, Cheeseboy! Totally agree with each an every one!

Looking forward to seeing your comment on my blog!

Kidding...you are more than welcome any time, but not required.

Aunt of 14 said...

very good set of guidelines to follow, I'll say. Gotta love what DeNae had to say!!! hehehe

tammy said...

How did you know I was sitting in my kitchen, dressed in my under-drawers and socks, waiting for you to comment on my trip to the lake?

Actually I'm not wearing socks because this is AZ and we don't have socks here.

Vanessa said...

I don't even know what a meme is.

C'est La Vie said...

1. ha i'm cracking up at DeNae's comments. so witty...

2. i accept your award, i'll never forget our generosity...

3. congrats on the I got balls to say it trophy

Mikki said...

I think these should be standardized rules for every blog!! So sensible.
I've seen you around all my favorite blogs I think, so I had to pop over and see who you were. I think I'll be back.

Joann Mannix said...

I've got the same rules, except for the additional one I have that says: If you leave me a comment that says only, "Hi! I'm following you! Please, follow me back!", I cannot be held responsible for the reply I leave on your blog.

When I get that sort of obnoxious comment, I know that means they haven't read a word of the post I've labored over. So, in return, I go over to their blog which is ALWAYS a giveaway blog and leave a comment that says something like, "Arctic monkeys' turds are always green and have the consistency of mashed potatoes."

You should try it. It feels great.

I guess I should feel privileged that you always comment on my girlie blog, even when I write about my girls' wearing my thongs.

Mary said...

I *heart* Bear Grylls (and not b/c he gets naked in almost every episode of Man vs. Wild...although it always cracks me up!).

I only follow a little over 50 blogs, and there is no way I (i.e. Super Woman) can comment on every post...therefore you are hereby forgiven and your record exponged.

I don't normally participate in giveaways or awards or memes...but it's in the pure contempt (and laziness).

And, since pooping is mainly fixated on by men, I'll be sure to do a post about that soon. Give the people what they want! ;o)

reasonably chubby said...

What the heck is the "meme" madness? You've peaked my interest and now I've got to know!By the way, I'm right there with you on the rules. Rules is rules, and that's just the way it is.

Saimi said...

Hmm, first off love the post! I abide by all those rules. I don't know if I'm a professional blogger cuz I don't have over 100 followers but do appreciate the ones I do have.

I'm a comment junkie I will always leave a comment.

I have two blogs one is for my preschool experience with the little buggers since it's summer, I've stopped writing there. So I'm sure since you follow my preschool blog(which I appreciate) it seems I've been gone. Yes I have.

On the other hand, I keep up with my other blog, it's where all my daily crap get's journaled.

Stop by and you will see I have been a very active blogger!

The blogging rules of engagement do apply to me! So does that make me a professional??

Tree said...

LMAO @ Joann! Glad I've always left you comments "in detail!" LOL

Lana@The Kids Did WHAT?! said...

Hmm. If you said you stopped following if someone didnt post for 4 weeks 6 days, I could see, but I posted yesterday. Before the 5 week mark. Yet you're all gone. *sniff. *sniff.
:) no worries(I'm not fanatical about the whole followers/comment thing). Although I did post about itchy butts yesterday. That's got to count for at least a weeks worth of blogging, does it not?

MiMi said...

Who knew we had the same rules?

Sam Liu said...

I completely agree with your rules, it's so wonderful to meet a reasoned and marvellous blogger like yourself. I particularly agree with the awards rule - sure I'll take the award, but there's no way I'm passing it onto another lot of bloggers, that's just way too long-winded :D

T said...

I'd like to thank the academy for my new award!

and I have a strange desire to blog about girly bodily functions just to get some hilarious but nonsensical comments from you.

no worries, I'll just tuck myself inside this camel carcass until the feeling goes away... ?

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I'll place that award on my mantle, stat.

And today I enticed others to come visit you so we can see you in that McDonalds tube sooner.

Nikki said...

1. It wasn't THAT long. sheesh.

2. Is this about the "sweatin' like a pig" reference?

3. I agree. I only occasionally will go to all the work to participate in someone's complicated giveaway.

4. If I ever come across a "You are the Uber-Cheese" award, I will send it your way. Don't feel like you need to send anything back. I'll understand.

5. There are a few memes I like to participate in sometimes. And then sometimes I go weeks without participating in any. However, I think the "Friday Follow" thing is ridiculous.

6. Ditto.

Noelle said...

Mustache hair??? Thank you for the rules...I'll do my best to live by them.

Watery Tart said...

Cheesy (I can CALL you Cheesy, yes? After all, I follow your blog)--*cough* I happen to feel nearly EXACTLY the way you do on all these topics. I am slightly more inclined to just participate anyway if I feel like I've gotten to be friends with the people sponsoring this or that, but... yeah... rather fly by the seat of my pantslessness... to the reciprocity thing, and call it good. The other stuff sort of feels cheap (but sometimes I'M cheap, so sometimes I play, right?)

Bytheway: I am blogging about blogging today too... little different angle, but some overlap.

SurferWife said...

Well look at you with all your billions of millions of comments ahead of mine. Or 46. Same thing.

I tend to agree on most of your fancy bullet points. Particularly the friday follow stuff.

What the shit is that shit?

Writing Without Periods! said...

YOU just changed my life. I thought I wasn't a professional in the blogging biz, but ya' know, I've made $36 to date, so I'm a professional blogger too. In honor of this I'm commenting then taking the day off.
Happy Wednesday,
Mary

Shell said...

Totally cracking up over this! Love it!

Krista said...

Oh my freakin' Hannah! I was so going to write this same exact post. I'll have a bit of a different spin on it though. All I can say is "Amen, Cheese." What is a girlie bodily function? Are you referring to my rosebud post? I'm sorry if I offended the Cheese, but it WAS a pretty funny event. Can you get your son to come and burn MY mustache off?

Pat said...

Thank you for writing the rules. Sigh. I've been trying to comment on EVERY post of EVERY blogger I follow. Yes this means I do not work. My job is to be a good follower. But my eyes are killing me, as is my wrist. So now I think I will comment on ALMOST every one. There. I feel better.

Maybe it was a good thing you weren't following me when I wrote about having to pee in a cup. :)

Or when I had to get a mammogram and found out my unmentionables were too big for the machine....

See what you missed?

Tree said...

Oh, thanks Pat! I forgot to post about getting my boobies squeezed during my mammo recently! LOL

Nancy C said...

Yes, yes, yes.

I try to comment when I can, whenever I can. I refuse however, to give myself carpal tunnel over it.

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Here here!
Amen!
True that!
Smackdown!

Umm... I'm running out of things to add.
Summer has been crazier than expected and the time I have to read blogs has taken a nose dive. I try, but fail to get to everyone.
I have even resorted to reading without commenting at time.

I know, shameful.

*bowing head in shame*

Anne said...

Agreed, agreed, agreed, yep and yes. I wish I had more time to read and comment on more blogs but let's be honest, who has that kind of time??? So I do what I can. I always appreciate your comments on my lame, girly blog :-)

Joan said...

Hey! You follow my teacher blog and I told you I would not post much during the summer. Kick a teacher to the curb?! Well, I was warned about you!

Hutch said...

Agreed! And #6 is the one I struggle with most, especially when this stupid thing called real life gets in the way.

The award will be going on my fridge instead of my mantle (completely full already)...it can be held up with a magnet right?

Jillybean said...

I don't follow anyone.

I was going to write this big long comment about how "following" is just a big popularity contest and how it reminds be of being in Jr High........

But the truth is that I'm just too lazy.

Charis said...

make sense. however, i do contend that there should be one more rule. . . that you should comment on a blog with in the first five times of reading it. . . otherwise you are a blog stocker. and I would like to know who reads the garbage I write.

Connie said...

Maybe if you had taken the lighter or matches away from your son, you could have blogged yesterday and saved your mustache hair!

Rules to live by!

Copyboy said...

THAT IS AWESOME!!! I'm sure I failed at least one or two of your rules....for that I am truly sorry. $31 bucks? $28.05 more than me.

Alicia said...

amen brother! well said!! and i'm sorry for the loss of your mustaches. you have my sincerest condolences.

Melinda said...

I think everyone should just follow me and comment on my awesome posts without anything back from me. I think thats reasonable, don't you?

Claire said...

Well. Crap. This explains what I've been doing wrong..damn you MeMes!!!!!
But I will say this..I am trying to do the "just comment" thing in giveaways because I'd rather read a bunch of random comments of people trying to think what to say instead of "I follw you on Twitter.I follow you on Google" and it got me no where.
You should come post a how to on my blog, because my readers are not getting with that program. You could be like:
step one-comment.
step 2- there is no step 2..duh!

Pearl said...

I laughed. I LOLed. I successfully fought off the urge to go have a cigarette.

I enjoy your writing, Cheese Man.

And it looks like I'll see you around.

:-)

Pearl

baygirl32 said...

Who needs a give away you got 31 bucks, you can buy your own prize, and new bag of mustache hair to boot!

Teachinfourth said...

I made it to the Cheeseroll? I'm flattered. Truly today IS a red letter day!

Thanks, Abe...

Emmy said...

I did the Friday Follow a few times and you are so right just number increasing crazies who don't even bother to read one post. Having a baby really made me get my blogging priorities in order, no longer do I read blogs after blogs; I read the ones I truly enjoy and I read the blogs of people who comment on my blog...it is all I had time for.

Donda said...

@teachinfourth....he said I was a cheeseball...how did you get cheeseroll? LOL

See Mom Smile said...

Yes I would consider you a professional blogger since you have made about $31.60 more than me.
LOVE your commenting and following rules. That should be made into a Blogging Bible.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

You said it perfectly. However? If you don't comment on my next girly post? I'll take you out...!

Marlene said...

I hope farts and sharts aren't considered girly bodily functions. There's nothing girly about them....but I do often tend to write about them. What can I say? Stuck in a rut?

I'm starting to shy away from commenting on the 300 or so blogs I follow - and only comment on those who reciprocate.....it sounds greedy - but I need to manage my time better - so the chop chop has to start somewhere, eh?

P.S. Thank you for regularly commenting on my girly blog. xoxox

Krista said...

Cheese, I cannot believe I was not listed as one of your followers. Simply an oversight as I have been stalking and commenting faithfully. You are now one more follower closer to vlogging from inside the carcass of a camel.

Pedaling said...

ugghh, just left a comment and it didn't take.

My commenting rules are very similar to yours.
what if you just don't have something to say...do you still comment? i can't bring myself to force a comment.

I always wondered how you do it---i still wonder.
how do you keep up with it all?

this is a definite I'll scratch your back if you'll scratch mine kind of community....that's for sure.

How do you do it?

Silver Strands said...

Wow. For you admitting that you comment only occaionally, you sure get a lot of comments yourself!

Regarding Stephen Covey ... nothing.
I hope you win the book. And give it to your wife.

Kate said...

I am really glad you have cleared this all up. The rules are so murky. And Bear Grylls is hot. Camel carcass or no. He's a babe.

Powdered Toast Man said...

Those are some harsh rules. I guess that's why u dont participate in my trivia or movie game. Do u guest post at all?

MBGITWWR said...

These rules are eye opening to say the least. I had no comprehension of the passion you hold for blog commentation. I will have to print a copy of the rules and frame it, then quickly hang it next to my computer. Thank you for the intervention Honest Abe.

Beth Zimmerman said...

This post was great and I LOVED the image! I try not to be too girlie too much of the time and I accept your right to resist reading on those rare occasions!

Tammy said...

I've never even heard of "memes" or "Friday Follows". What the heck is "meme"???? It makes me think of Maddie's super dirty blanket.

I guess you must be referring to my lake pictures and post because you did not leave a comment :)

Just SO said...

What if I don't post for 4 weeks and 6 days. Will you still comment and follow me? Must keep track of long I don't post...

Baby Sister said...

Hilarious. :) I'm already a fan and I've only read one post!!

I approve of the rules.

Mighty M said...

This rule book is at my house too!

Nubian said...

I totally agree, but compared to your mustache fiasco I think I have a justifiable reason for not blogging. Sell house, son's graduation, me becoming a US Citizen, packing up a 3,800 sq ft home and moving to Oregon, unpacking a 3,800 sq ft home into a 2,000 sq ft home, shipping son off to Australia and South Africa for his gap year, tackling blackberry bushes (satan's plant for sure) and trying to find which box all the wine was packed in. Does this warrant me not being deleted?

lisleman said...

the dead camel carcass revealed death by bag of mustache hair -
so sad

Southpaw said...

A blogger after my own heart…Alex recommended your blog for a good laugh and he was correct. I also want to talk about all these people who prefer soft store bought cookies to crunchy ones. The soft ones have make my teeth hurt – ewww.

Katie's Dailies said...

OOOOOHHH!!! THAT explains EVERYTHING!

ANewKindOfPerfect said...

I feel the need to print your rules out and hang them on the wall next to my monitor!!

Jason, as himself said...

Agreed--mostly.

You figured this all out very quickly, because in blog time, you're still a wee little guy.

Terresa said...

I got it, yes, and agree to most of your points here!

It's simply impossible to comment on everyone's blog, I make my "rounds" so to speak, whenever possible.

PS: Girlie blogs rawk, isn't mine one? (I am a girl, you know...)
:)

Cherie said...

Amen! I have the same rules!
You are a crack up!

-stephanie- said...

I took my award. Thanks. Check out my mantle next time you come over.

DEZMOND said...

amen to all you said here! Great blog, by the way, positively hilarious ;)

Charlotte said...

Well I guess I'll change out of my underdrawers and socks now. And cancel my plans for a trip to the lake, too.

Diane J. said...

I love your blogging ground rules! Excellent!

I have no clue what a meme is. I tried a Friday Follow once. Somehow it's not the same as people who follow because they like your blog (yes, I'm aware most people are only putting up with me because I follow them, but let me have my delusional moment, k?)

Martha said...

This is priceless!! Thank you for this fabulous rules and sound advice. Thank you for the "Kick Butt" Award, I wear it humbly. Thanks, Cheese Man! Wishing you a Fantastic Fourth!

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

I am commenting on this blog post because you're approaching 100 comments. Unbelieveable! I love you and your blog and your comments, and I just want to comment to that effect.
Note that I was gone for 5 days not weeks. Phew!
xoRobyn

ScoMan said...

I like to consider myself the leader, and all the followers of followers of followers will follow what my followers tell them and eventually I'll make an army. And we'll rule the world.

I consider myself the leader because I am the awesomest Australian blogger.. and the USA is too big and too hard to take over. We take over Australia first, then the world.

jayayceeblog said...

You definitely have your priorities straight. Wow, you have made $31??? You are awesome! I am so adopting your following rules. Please forgive any hormonal/girlie blog posts in advance. I welcome your nonsensical comments!

Marla said...

This seriously scared me because I am sitting in my kitchen, dressed in my under-drawers and socks, commenting on Cheeseboys blog. Going to close the blinds now.

Cathi said...

My rule for commenting as Mrs. Cheeseboy is only when I can be #100!

Way to go on getting 100 comments.

M-Cat said...

Please thank your sons for me. One more 70's porn star 'stache removed from this world. I appreciate their willingness to give back to society.

Dig the rules, and do tell me more about being pro. You can actually MAKE money doing this blog stuff?

Lisa Loo said...

I will personally line you up with 100 more followers if you will write a post about your last pap smear

tiburon said...

Thanks for the rules. I am sorry I went nearly 3 weeks without an update. I shall plan all future vacations accordingly.

And I am also putting these rules to use in my own life.

I might laminate them.