Monday, June 28, 2010

Television questions I need answered.

I don't watch a ton of television, but when I do, I always seem to have questions about the program I am watching.  Here is a few that I would like to see answered:

NBC
1. The Biggest Loser - Why do they go to Subway so often?
2. Chuck - Why isn't anyone watching this show?
3. The Marriage Ref - Why is anyone watching this show?
4. The Office -Why haven't they realized that no one cares about Pam and her baby?  Why is Pam so annoying?

ABC
1. The Bachelor/The Bachelorette - Who do they hire to clean those hot tubs?
2. Dancing with the Stars - Where are all the "stars"?
3. LOST - Huh?
4. Modern Family - Who's watching the gay couple's baby most the time?
5. Wipeout - Why is this crap so stinkin' awesome and funny?

CBS
1. Big Brother - This show is still on?
2. How I Met Your Mother - This is the longest story ever!  Don' t the kids just want him to get to the point already?
3. Let's Make a Deal - Will Wayne Brady ever go away?
4. Numb3rs - If you know math real well, can you really get into any FBI office to help them, even if you are not an FBI agent?

FOX
1. Glee - How does the band just automatically know the songs they are going to sing?  Why are 25 year olds still in high school... and only Juniors? Why did it take 8 months for that girl to start showing that she was pregnant?
2. Hell's Kitchen - Is there a word in this show that is not "BEEP"? 
3. So You Think You Can Dance - Why are dancers such wussies? Why are all the judges always crying?  And most importantly: WHAT THE HECK IS THAT DUDE WEARING?!
4. The Wanda Sykes Show - Who? What?  How? Why?

OTHER
1. iCarly - Where are this girl's parents?  And why do they trust this clearly insane brother to take care of her?  How is it that her friend is over at her house ALL THE TIME? 
2. Spongebob - They are supposed to be under the sea, so how is it that he can cook crabby patties on a grill?
3. Any HGTV show - Does Vern Kip own this channel? Is he on every show? Do carpenters exist that are not sexy? 
4. Any Food Network show - Is there anything you can't make out of chocolate?

I NEED ANSWERS! Anyone have any?

73 comments:

Silver Strands said...

Funniest question related to the LOST show.
And regarding HGTV ... who would want to cook something WITHOUT chocolate?!?

MiMi said...

You are hilarious! I've thought all of these things at least once.

Kristina P. said...

This post made me realize that there is someone out there who watches more TV than I do. I didn't think it was possible.

Glamazon said...

Oh my, gasp, what do I say? Really? The Marriage Ref? Totally one of me and the hubby's faves. I love knowing that we aren't the only ones who fight over completely stupid things.

I hear ya on wipeout-I just can't get enough of people falling down.

Chuck-I stayed with it the first season, but I just couldn't get into it after that :)

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Wipeout is funny because other people are acting like clumsy idiots on TV.

And I confess - I like Pam on The Office.

Tracie said...

My 7 yr. old thinks Wipeout is the most awesome show ever. It's the main thing he was looking forward to this summer.

Teachinfourth said...

I haven't watched the newest season yet, but Pam is totally hot.

A little bit of possible annoyance is totally worth it. Need I say more?

Saimi said...

You need to quit watching so much t.v.! :)

Emmy said...

Oh such good questions! I wonder the same parent question with Max and Ruby.

And yes Wipe Out is just awesome

Aunt of 14 said...

I cannot believe Big Brother is still running.

Don't know about the crabby patties, but I think crabs just sink hard to the ground. It defies gravity so well, that flipping a crabby burger seems do-able. For the love of chocolate, I haven't watched Spongebob in YEARS, how could I come up with that answer?

As for Lost, I gave up on it after the first couple seasons. Too morbidly confusing. I'm with you on the Huh?

As for Hell's Kitchen, no, Chef Ramsey does not know how to utter a single sentence without a BLEEP in it. And I haven't felt comfortable eating in restaurants since watching his other show... where he brings a restaurant businesses back to life. Can you say cockroaches and rats, 60 second rules and dirty hands, oh my?

M-Cat said...

Sadly, I didn't even know half of these shows are still on the air or (worse) WERE EVEN ACTUAL SHOWS!

And I love me some Pam and The Office. I know everyone is saying it's lost it's mojo, but I disagree.

And YES! Why IS EVERYONE CRYING on SYTYCD? Sheesh, it's just a friggin dance. Not like art or anything!

Powdered Toast Man said...

I have all these answers locked in my toaster vault but I am forbidden to open it or Mel Gibson will kill a puppy.

Joann Mannix said...

I have no answers except I don't care how old they get in Glee, just keep on keepin on with that awesome stuff. Same goes for Modern Family.

And I don't care about Gordon's bleeping all the time, but what I do care about is how do they find such skeevy contestants? They are all so gross with their, "I just crawled out of a dumpster" look, (no offense Chesseboy) and the way they all sweat over the food. Yuck. I'm never going to a Gordon Ramsay restaurant unless Gordon himself is cooking. Gross me out the door.

Lisa Loo said...

I have only watched Glee and Chuck--on iTunes. The Glee thing--duh--"real"musicians know all the songs and then sit around in high schools just waiting for someone to come along and sing them-- baby bumps are a little tricky to dance with and I like myself a junior with a receding hairline.
Chuck was awesome--I think it is threatening to jump the shark tho--
And finally--my children are not allowed to watch anything stupider than me--which really limits their possibilities...

Hutch said...

Only 4 of my shows are on that list, I'll take that as a good thing!

Cruella Collett said...

No one is watching Chuck? Nooo!!! They should!

And the kids are totally fed up of their dad's story in HIMYM. But he's in charge of their allowace, I think, so they dare not stand up to him... (Or at least that is what I tell myself every time an episode starts with "Kids,...")

Gigi said...

HIlarious. Seriously! Lost pissed me off in a major way. 6 years of my life, gone. watching a show that never gave me any answers.

Biggest Loser? Two words: product placement.

The Office? Pam has to be one of the most annoying characters on TV. That show started sucking when Pam and Jim got together. Nobody cares about them, do they?

But I don't watch any of those shows. or the Bachelorette. Or Wipeout. Or.....:)

Chaka said...

Who do they hire to clean the hot tubs?- Great insight. I usually only watch stuff on DVD at the end of the Season so I don't feel strung along each week. It takes a real man to watch 24 in 24 hours. Anyone can spread it over a year.

The Invisible Seductress said...

Man did I ever need this post today to make me spit cola at the screen and agree with your genius-ness!!!!!

T said...

apparently you and Kristina are hogging all of the TV time, because I could only relate to the NBC shows (now that LOST is over)... well, aside from saying EXACTLY what you'd written for Big Brother... seriously, WHY is that still on?... I remember season one and Brittani with the blue hair - and then I stopped watching

DeNae said...

Wow. It's a good thing you don't watch much TV. You've listed more shows here - with relevant questions, no less - than I've watched in a year. If it doesn't start with the words, "In the criminal justice system..." I'm not interested.

lindsey v said...

I love how on Spongebob someone can get splashed with water and that they drive boats around the bottom of the ocean. They can build campfires and watch a caterpillar turn into a butterfly. No, really, I love it. That show makes me laugh.

Traci said...

Amen about Pam. I've been watching the earlier seasons on reruns, and The Office was just so much more everything (funny, entertaining, etc) then. It pains me to say it, but maybe it's time to call it a day.

Dallen said...

UG... sometimes I feel like there are so many good shows I wanna watch, but I don't want to become one of those couch people... like my roommates. haha

Geof said...

I can tell you these two answers right now:

Subway has heavy investment in the BL, that's why they get so whored out on the show.

No, Wayne Brady will always be on TV. Always...

LOL funny list!

Barbra Stephens said...

I rarely watch T.V. I'm afraid it will cause me to lose I.Q. points. Your list is a confirmation. I am hanging on to those two I have left.....

Katie's Dailies said...

We. Love. Chuck. In. This. House. Period.

One of the funniest shows out there. And we can so relate to all the "spy" work with my husband's background and all. Great show.

Donda said...

Are these rhetorical questions or would you like my next blog post to address them? LOL OH and hush yo mouth about BigBrother...I am going to figure out a way to get on that show and take home the prize!!! :)

Copyboy said...

TV guide needs to hire you pronto. Love the Bachelorette question. Makes ya wonder.

TS Hendrik said...

Wayne Brady will never go away and you know why? Because old grandmothers love him.

openid said...

I love Pam and her infant on The Office. As for the rest? I totally agree, Wipeout Rocks, my boys love it! Glee is fun to watch and waaaay corny and unreal.... But that is showbiz, baby!

Green-Eyed Momster said...

I must not watch TV much. I have no idea about the shows you posted about.

Thanks for the compliment and support, as always. Sorry I haven't been around much lately. Trying to catch up.

Tammy said...

Biggest Loser - I want to know where they put all the leftover fat when the contestants lose the weight. Do they give them free surgery???

Big Brother - I'm a fan and I hope it hasn't started yet because I haven't been watching for it!

HGTV - You said Vern's last name is Kip but really it's Yip.

Did you hear that there's a new show coming in August called "Bachelor Pad"? It's a Bachelor spin-off! They are taking previous bachelor and bachelorette contestants and putting them together in a house! Sort of like "Big Brother". Can't wait!

Donda said...

http://bigbrothernetwork.com/ Big Brother starts july 8th...gonna be a good one!! The bachelor pad sounds good too!

Lolidots said...

I have no answers to these mysteries of the universe. I would like to ask a few myself...mainly about the people that they find to be on Wife Swap. Gah!

Dallen said...

NILBOG... It's Goblin spelled backwards! This is their KINGDOM!!!

Mr. Stupid said...

These were hilarious. I have thought about a few of them, but you did a good job asking the others. I watched a lot of Spongebob as a kid. Maybe, the crabby patties and the grill were waterproof.

tammy said...

My son can answer those questions about iCarly and Spongebob for you. I know, because I've asked him before.

I'm trying to come up with a reason for Luvpilot and I to go on the Marriage Ref. There has to be something we can fight over that will win us a free cruise. The host is the funniest part of that show.

Vanessa said...

What about Suite Life on Deck? Who sends their kids away on a cruise ship?? Why did they write the mom out of that one?

And, the pic you used of my boyfriend Jesse Palmer (which BTW, was the last good season of The Bachelor) made me so happy. He is the only reason I pay attention when my husband is watching ESPN in hopes that I will get his take on anything sporty.

Vanessa said...

And PS, Tammy and her husband can go on the Marriage Ref for luvpilot buying his car parts before buying her her wood floors. SOLVED!

tammy said...

Also, does anyone else find it strange that a kids' show has a character named Mr. Crabs and he lives in a place called Bikini Bottom? Anyone?

Queenie Jeannie said...

LOL!!

I love Wipeout!!! Luckily I don't watch much tv so I won't miss it next month!

Sadako said...

That Spongebob question reminds me of the Futurama where they go down below the sea and there's a fire and Hermes is all, "That just raises further questions!"

I did not know Big Brother was on still either...

Mary said...

I watch, or have watched, so many of these shows! Modern Family is my new favorite...and I've learned that I watch too much TV (but that was pre-babies)

Writing Without Periods! said...

Could someone be watching too much tv? I only watch the worst reality shows. They make me know that I'm normal.
Happy week,
Mary

Sam Liu said...

So true! We have precisely the same sort of television in England, very poor quality and lacking any substance. And I have always asked myself the same question about Spongebob, I just thought I was being silly for not understanding it and everybody else got it, turns out I'm not the only one :D

Unknown Mami said...

You should get your own column in TV guide.

Cheeseboy, have you forsaken me Did I piss you off? You haven't been by and I miss you. I am not lactose intolerant.

Tree said...

Hello, my dear! I honestly don't watch any of those shows except for that last section (kids and food). LMAO

Melinda said...

I ask myself questions like that ALL the time, why aren't there more people like us out there? Then maybe we'd get some quality programming, like Fraggle Rock or something back on.

C'est La Vie said...

i have been informed of a weekly wipe out party, apparently this show is amazing! time to give it a shot

Everyday Goddess said...

Oy vey. I have been reading too many blogs. I can't say I've seen even half of these shows.

My close to 80 year old parents like the marriage ref. I think it's because if you've been married for over 52 years like they have, you get a thrill out of watching much younger couples deal with the stupid shit that my parents left behind years ago.

Me? I'm a Gleek so far. Wait till season 3 though, because that's when most shows kill themselves.

blueviolet said...

Wayne Brady will reinvent (or try to) until long after you and I have left this earth.

Marlene said...

WIPEOUT is LOL funny!

Where did The Marriage Ref go? It hasn't been on Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Did it change timeslots? (Yeah, I admit - I watch it!)

ROFL about the hot tub cleaner!!!!!!

lori said...

All excellent questions! But one thing I've learned in life is never question the presence of a sexy carpenter.
And, wow, you watch alot of shows!

MBGITWWR said...

I do have an answer for you as far as Wipeout goes! It's FREAKIN' hilarious to watch people get pummeled by random objects and bounce off large orbits of joy! How is that NOT superior television?

W.C.Camp said...

My only changes are for LOST - I would have put "I'm" for the comment. And though I have seen Glee a couple of times I HAD THE EXACT SAME QUESTION. Fun Post! W.C.C.

Erica said...

We are avid Chuck fans. And I just got my Dad into it too. We can't wait to find out more about his Mom next season!!!

Pat Tillett said...

Wipeout is probably my favorite show right now...I like it cause I dont have to think about it, or understand anything...

Amy said...

I, too, have often wondered about how those crabby patties get cooked. Let alone how does a squirrel meet a jelly fish in the first place?

Mikki said...

Wipeout--far and away, the best show currently on tv.

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

My husband LOVES Wipeout, Chuck, and Numbers!

I've honestly never seen anhy of the others. So I'm useless. Sorry/

Krista said...

I've never watched half these shows. In fact, while on the computer I had Glee on unknowingly and found the singing so annoying I turned the channel. Then found out it was a show everyone loved. So I tried to watch it and couldn't get past the lady who looks like a trans-sexual. I was concentrating so hard on figuring out if it was a man or a woman I couldn't get into the show. I am the only one in the world who doesn't like that show.

Kate said...

SNORT! I don't know if I've ever laughed harder at your blog! I hereby give you an award... wait, nevermind. I hate those blog awards. I am currently letting 3 of them gather dust.

Beth Zimmerman said...

I agree with you on LOST! And most of the others. Is Big Brother back? I hadn't noticed it yet this year.

Donda said...

http://bigbrothernetwork.com/big-brother-12-cast-house-guests-revealed-details-pics-video-added/

Big Brother starts July 8th. They just released info on cast. I also read there is going to be a "mole" in the cast.

Just SO said...

Unfortunately the only show I watch on a regular basis on this list is iCarly. And I think her parents are dead but I don't know. I do know that her Grandpa tried taking her to Yakima once but Spence proved himself.

Sad that I know this but when you have teens and tweens in the house the channel is usually on Disney or Nick.

Ashlee said...

Did you just make fun of So You Think You Can Dance? I don't know if we can continue to be friends.

Ashlee said...

But you're totally right about Chuck!

Loretta Valenta said...

I totally agree with your observations! Our family totally LOVES Wipeout -- it's the funniest show going! The commentary that goes with it is hysterical! :)

jayayceeblog said...

The one that resonated the most with me is Other #2. Spongebob - They are supposed to be under the sea, so how is it that he can cook crabby patties on a grill? It has been years since the Granddaughter forced me to watch Spongebob, but this question still bothers me!

Marla said...

NBC
1. The Biggest Loser - Because they are starving, dude!
2. The Office -That's what she said!

ABC
1. The Bachelor/The Bachelorette - Nobody. Those babies must be burned after each use.
2.Wipeout - Because people are getting hurt. Duh!

FOX
1.Hell's Kitchen - How the BEEP would I know?

Lindsay said...

I love Chuck. Why isn't anybody watching it? Best show on TV!

Abby said...

As a parent who has been subjected to every iCarly episode EVER, I can say that while they never mention Carly's mother, her father is in the military and is perpetually deployed. In one episode it was revealed that he was a USAF colonel who was--get this--stationed on board a submarine. Yes, an Air Force officer. On a Navy submarine. Right. Anyway, in the same episode it was revealed that Carly's father still believes that Spencer (her brother) is still attending law school like a good boy, instead of having dropped out after two days to pursue his art career.

The fact that Max and Ruby have no parents bugs the hell out of me.

As for SpongeBob, not only do they cook underwater, but they have beaches and oceans that they go to underwater. With lifeguards. To keep the fish from drowning. I love that show.

tammy, the correct spelling is Mr. Krabs. And he is a crab. So I don't think that's terribly offensive. Also, I believe the location of Bikini Bottom is probably named for the Bikini Islands (or rather being on the bottom of the sea under the Bikini Islands). And as you know I'm sure, the bikini swimsuit was named after the nuclear bomb tests that took place at the Bikini Atoll in the 40s and 50s, not the other way around.