Think your day has been strange? It can't beat mine today. Just take a gander...

What a whimsical, ridiculous day I've had.  From start to finish, there was not a dull moment.  I give you my four highlights, or low-lights, or just lights.

1. "Meet Your New Teacher Day" at school.  

We first grade teachers dropped our first graders off at the second grade to meet their new teachers.  We then traveled down to the kindergarten to meet the new first graders that were coming into our classes. The kindergarten teacher had each group of kids sitting on the floor, lined up in a straight line, according to which teacher they had next year.

I walked over to my line of three and stood in front of them.  A chubby Asian kid sat first in line and was smiling at me with this big, toothless grin.  I looked down and smiled back.  That's when it happened.  He was excited and had something to tell me:

"YOU A F***!"

I thought I misunderstood him.

"Excuse me. What's that?"

"YOU A F***!"  (There was no "er" added to the end.  Just, "You a f***!")

At this point, the three other first grade teachers are in stitches.  They are hiding their faces behind notebooks, near tears of laughter streaming down their face.

I pretend he didn't say anything and we started addressing the whole group about first grade next year.

Five minutes later, he had to tell me one more time.

"YOU A F***!"

"Alright, that's enough.  That is not a nice thing to say."

He just looks up at me with this goofy grin on his face, like he had just told me I was an awesome superstar.  Meanwhile, the other first grader teachers are hiding in the corner, rolling in laughter.

*It turns out, he will be moving and although he was supposed to be in my class, he actually won't.  I told kindergarten teacher and she was embarrassed.  She said he and his parents have been learning English and they probably don't know what it even means.

2. 6th Grade v. Teachers softball game.

My first time up, I pulled up to the bag, ready to launch a rocket across the left field fence.  You should never swing at the first pitch, but I decide, why wait?  I launch the hit of the game, a clean shot that whizzes through the air like an 80's lawn dart.

I begin my triumphant jaunt around the bases, my elbow pumping in World Series style; "A Moment Like This" blaring on the loudspeakers.  Fireworks began pouring onto the field.

(Okay, I may have exaggerated a bit.)

I look up from my jog of fame to see a 4 foot 3 inch sixth grader reach out and snag the ball over his head in mid stride like he was friggen Willie Mays.  T'was the catch of the century.

Some sloppy, scrawny sixth grader stole MY moment of joy. How dare he?! What a little snot-nosed punk.   I knew a kindergartner that could give him a word or two.  Alas, next year, revenge will be mine.

The teachers lost to the 6th graders 9-3.  Apparently, the annals of history show that we have never been thumped so badly.  (Not coincedentally, this score is also now listed in the anals of history.)

My strange day continued....

3.  Nasty stuff stuck in noses.

I am sometimes an after school tutor at Sylvan Learning Center.  I arrive today, exhausted from all the swearing, the losing and my awesomeness mojo being stolen by some punk kid.  I sit down at my table and I have two girls there: a 3rd grader and a fifth grader.  We proceed to have this odd and surreal conversation:

Me: Wow, what a day, I've had.

5th Grade Girl: Me too.

Me: Oh yeah, what happened to you?

5th Grade Girl: I sneezed when I was eating a gummy bear and it went up my mouth and is stuck behind my nose.  I've had bright blue snot all day.

Me: [Just dying, trying my darnedest not to laugh.] Oh wow, your day was definitely worse than mine. Has it come out yet?

5th Grade Girl: No, it is just coming out slowly, I think - in runny blue snot.

3rd Grade Girl: Oh yeah, well my cousin used to stick cigarette butts up her nose and now she has asthma!!

Me: This is the strangest day ever.  How was your day?

Finally, my wacky day was complete when I learned that my ludicrously kooky blog had actually received an award from Mrs. Jeannie at Jeannie's Happy World.  Thank you, Jeannie.  You are the best Jeannie I know and that includes the Jeannie that runs the zoo's merry-go-round.  (That Jeannie always calls me "Sport" and I hate that.