Tuesday, June 22, 2010

My email to the Professiona Mini Golf Association

An actual email I just sent to the Professional Mini Golf Association at: info@thePMGA.com.  I promise to post any reply I receive.

Dearest Professional Mini Golf Association (PMGA),

I have a mini golf query of the utmost importance that needs an immediate answer:

If a ball lands in the path of a windmill and is subsequently jolted into the forest by a swinging arm, can the player return the ball to the original spot or do they have to rehit?  

My brother (who is new to the sport and also gets his b's and d's mixed up, even though he is nearly 30) says that you get to rehit, but then I say NO BROTHER - THAT IS NOT THE RULES!

Then, we argue for a long time and there are all these people on the course waiting for us to hit.  We had to ask the ranger for the rules, but she was busy handing out those colorful balls and getting soda for this dopey, mop haired kid.  Finally, she's all like, "I don't know, I am only 16. Will you leave me alone?"

That brings me to another question, who are these courses hiring?  I thought you had to have a pro on staff.

So my brother's all like, "Bube, you HAVE to rehit.  I know the rules from that dig tournament I playeb last Septemder."

Here's the kicker - he didn't play in no stinkin tournament!  We live in Saskatuan (it's in Canada) and the only tournaments we have here is bird calling and Rick wins every year. (On account of his mustache makes a wheezing sound like a pelican when he squeals.)

So, we would be much obliged if you would help us settle this little bet of ours. (This is not a real bet. Betting is illegal in Saskatuan, unless it is on the pelican call contest, in which case, I would put my money on Rick, on account of the mustache.) 

My brother's all, "I'll kick your bamned dutt if I am right!"  I really hope he is wrong, because he weighs 362 pounds and is Tongan.

Much appreciated,

Abe

56 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Not only should one have to play where it lands, but Rick's mustache must be used instead of a golf club.

Sounds good anyway...

Let us know what the experts say!

Kristina P. said...

I'm so glad we are done talking about the oil spill and are on to more important topics.

MiMi said...

Omagosh.
I just can't quit laughing.

Tortuga said...

I'd kick your bamned dutt too!

Jillybean said...

I think your drother is full of daloney.
The odstacles are put there to make the game more bifficult. If they weren't there, it woulb be too easy, anb what fun woulb that de?
I think you shoulb just hit your drother really harb on his heab with the miniature golf clud then run away very fast.

I bibn't know that you liveb in Canaba.

T said...

I really hope that they give you a good answer for you and your large Tongan brother... we'd hate to see him kick you dutt.

Absofreakin'lutely the funniest thing I've read all day, thanks!

lisleman said...

"pro on staff" you are lucky they hired someone who could stay awake.
You canucks just play mini golf with hockey sticks eh?

FluffyChicky said...

Bamned dutt - this is now my new favorite swear word. Awesome!

Beth Zimmerman said...

Bamned dutt???? LOL! You are a MESS!

And how are you going to get a reply sent to Saskatchawhatever when you live in Utah?

Marnie said...

:0)))))))))))))))))!!

The Invisible Seductress said...

Should you have to come to Florida and help me clean the soda off the keyboard that you made me spit out decause of this post? Who is gonna answer that one??Bamnit

Emmy said...

Lol! Oh I so hope you get a response. And you know I am pretty sure you are right :)

Abby said...

Bube, are you trying to be the new Ted L. Nancy or something?

Connie said...

I don't know what to say, sometimes it's hard to talk/type while laughing!

Hope Chella said...

I don't know much about mini golf rules, but I did mention you in my latest post:
http://hopechella.blogspot.com/2010/06/mtv-singled-out.html
Happy Summer,
Hope :)

Nancy C said...

Genius. Plain and simple. Of course, the answer to all disputes, mini golf or not, is a walk-off. Old school rules.

Nancy C said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sweet Bee Cottage said...

Cheesedoy you crack me up! Want to come teach in California? You'b fit right in!

The Church Lady said...

Please do share any response, as I have always wondered about that myself and I have a mini golf date next week!

Joann Mannix said...

It's nice to see someone else takes putt-putt seriously. My teenaged girls chased each other around the figurines with their putters when one accused the other of cheating by kicking their ball closer to the gator mouth.

Putt Putt cheaters are the lowest of the low.

I'm just sayin.

Ever thought of writing a book? I'm serious, for once.

Pat Tillett said...

That was one of the pest bosts I've read all day...

Amy said...

I had a cruddy night watching my 13 year old ride the bench at a baseball game, so your blog really made my day! Thanks for the good laugh!!

I am anxious to hear what the experts say!

Gigi said...

would you please give up such an expensive and uptight sport and get back to basic, classic games, say like Lawn jarts?

middle child said...

Your brother is WRONG!

The Crazy Baby Mama said...

hilarious. as always.

why should today be different from any other day?

srobinson said...

Awesome post!

I've also wondered whether the rules allow for a little "mayhem" on the course, such as teeing off on one hole, requiring a jump over the curb, and playing into the next whole. Etiquette rules on that? Also, are pool-cue style shots allowed?

Being Canadian must an advantage in mini-golf. As a talented golf pro once stated, "Golf's no different from Hockey. It requires talent and self discipline." Your hockey skills serve you well, I'm sure.

Ash said...

HIGHlarious post. can't stop giggling in the office - damn you!!

~ash's mum

Melinda said...

You are doth wrong, you silly bing dats! Everydoby knows, you just neeb to sink it off the winbmill's top and you get boudle points!

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

I don't want your drother to hit your bamned dutt, so I vote with you on this one - whatever your vote is..hit again from where you started. (?)
Thanks for the laughs. You are so much funnier than the most popular comedians. You should kick their bamned dutts outta there and take over for them.
xoRobyn

ScoMan said...

Play it where it lands.

Mr. Stupid said...

I would go with whatever you said just to save you from the kick. I wonder what the guys from PMGA are thinking right now.
Thanks for the laughs. This was hilarious.

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

I forgot what I was going to say when I burst out laughing at bamned dutt.
Awesome.

Bits-n-Pieces said...

We just make up our own rules!

M-Cat said...

Okay, so I have seen you on all my favorite peeps blogs and when pedaling asked me if I had seen you at Ragnar - I thought - "M-Cat! That's it! You HAVE to find out who this cheeseboy is and see what the ruckus is all about."

Dude you are seriously FUNNY! The Mister Rogers post had me laughing out loud.

Glad I found a new fav blog to follow!

Sadako said...

Don't know enough about golf, or mini golf, to say...but still really loved this blog post.

Teachinfourth said...

There's a professional association?

Marlene said...

Heeheehee...I'm with Jillybean. :)

lisleman said...

(didn't think you would mind a second comment)
After you settle the mini golf debate come over and share a song title.
thanks

UnicycleRose said...

Please let me know the final call on this one. This is serious stuff!!

FabuLeslie said...

Love this. So funny! I hope you get a reply. Your brother should come to my class next year. We work faithfully all year on getting the b and d thing sorted out. Have missed reading your posts. One more week til I'm off the road trip and on blogging duty full time. Ha. I said duty.

Plain Jane said...

You made me choke on my soda. I should know better by now not to drink when I read your blog. Has anyone replied to the RedBox email? I have been out of the loop for a while.

tammy said...

Bube, what were you smoking when you wrote this?

Sam Liu said...

You are brilliant, brilliant and hilarious beyond words! :D

Lindzena said...

Dang man, every time I come here, I laugh. You win. I hope they respond. I now need to go to Saskatchewan, or whatever it was. Why? Because mustaches are in low quantity and quality in my life.

Mary said...

I once played contact mini golf in HS with some friends from church...we were promptly asked to leave...but it was fun while it lasted :o)

Karen said...

That is great. :-) I'd be curious if they will send you a reply and what it would be. This post gave me a good laugh today which I really really needed.

Melissa@Suger Coat It said...

Baahahahaa. I love this.

Ally said...

I always sucked at mini golf, just saying.

lindsey v said...

Bube...
So funny!

Powdered Toast Man said...

I say you have to hit the ball where it lies like in Happy Gilmore.

Queenie Jeannie said...

LOL!!

ModernMom said...

umm
penalty stroke? lol

Unknown Mami said...

Hahaha! Bube, that was totally funny. So nice to know I am not the only one that switches their b's and d's.

P.S. Professional is missing the l in the title. Unless you wanteb it that way, which is totally cool and bifferent.

Becky K. said...

Oh, you did make me laugh. Guessing that your first graders love you.

Thanks for stopping by Hospitality Lane and letting me know you were there. Come on down to Lancaster County anytime.

Becky K.

W.C.Camp said...

I think I got the 'B' and 'D' mixed up gag, but for a minute I thought you were literally referencing the Yiddish 'Bube'. Don't confuse me Cheeseboy - remember, though I am adequately aged, my brain cheese has not obtained full flavor, or as much synaptic perfection as your yellow matter. W.C.C.

Marla said...

Are you kidding me?? ROFL!!!!