Tuesday, June 15, 2010

A Reminder from the Dentist. (If I were the dentist.)

A reminder from the dentist. (If I were the dentist.)

Our records show that it has been 6 months and it is time for a checkup.* 

Please call our secretary to set up an appointment.** 

We have recently added televisions in our ceilings for your enjoyment.*** 

We have also updated our dental equipment with the most high-tech technology on the market.**** 

We look forward to seeing you!***** 

And remember… brush up. We’d hate for you to have any cavities! ******

* It has actually been 14 months since your last check up, but who’s counting?
** Scheduled appointments will actually start on average 47 minutes after they are scheduled to begin. At least we are telling you that up front.
*** This will, in no way, stop the dentist from trying to chit-chat with you while you have a suction hose in the back of your throat.
**** It’s all much too complicated for you to understand, so don’t even ask.
***** Could you please try flossing at least more than the hour before you come in? Your breath burnt through our dental hygienist’s mask the last time you were in.
****** We look forward to finding cavities and taking your money. 

52 comments:

tiburon said...

LOVE IT! Completely and totally true!

Karen said...

Very true. Oh, and seriously, does someone NOT brush their teeth immediately before going to the dentist??

C'est La Vie said...

hate. H.A.T.E. the dentist.

Pat Tillett said...

I recently changed dentists because it felt like I was sitting in the office of a car salesman...

Unknown Mami said...

I've been hiding from my dentist and she sends me cards asking if she did something wrong. I want to tell her that I'm just not that into her, but any little attention makes her more persistent.

blueviolet said...

Why DO they ask questions the instant they shove something in your mouth?

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

You nailed it!

Gwei Mui said...

So it's unviversal Dentists appear to be over priced and the good ones never have room for new patients. They all insist on talking to you as you've mentioned whilst your mouth is packed with cotton will "round thngs" and they expect you to answer! I too hate the dentist. I still go but with extreme trepedation. Brought on by a dentist that injected the wrong side of my mouth, laughed and happily went on to inject a futher six times into the rightside of my mouth. Ever sine then I've been more than a little fearful

The Invisible Seductress said...

Too funny!!!!! My daughter made them leave the room to talk to me in private for a moment at her last visit. She says "Mom, he has very bad breath, I know he's a Dentist and should know this already, but do you think I should tell him?" I wanted to say yes,, but didn't...sigh

Nikki said...

HAHAHAHAHAA!!! I just got back from the dentist for a ROOT CANAL argh. I sat down to check my google reader and here I read the perfect post. lol

baygirl32 said...

burned through the hygenists mask last time... love it

Kristina P. said...

This makes me miss my dentist that had TV on the ceilings. And by a TV, I mean fingerpaintings.

Marnie said...

This was hilarious. My cousin is a dental hygenist and she has had some people come in who haven't brushed their teeth for more than a few days. One was so bad she had to send him to the bathroom to brush and floss before she could begin...yuck!

Amy said...

Funny that you'd blog about the dentist since this is where my husband is right now! Poor guy, he's getting a crown! Yuck!

Teachinfourth said...

They probably wouldn't be nearly as 'popular' if they really called it just like it really is on their reminder cards...

Susan Tipton said...

I love this post. All that new equipment that shows microscopic cavities from a possible future...

One child had 9 cavities, one had 6, I hid the rest of my children in the basement. Then we had an insurance change and had to switch dentists before the cavities were filled.

At the new dentist we had only 3 cavities between the two.

sammy said...

haha i went to the dentist just the other day and wondered why they always ask questions that you cant answer.

a yes or no question is fine, but when you ask me what im doing for the weekend??

Jess said...

too funny.. we were just there today for all three kids... and I am pretty sure... I overheard them giggling in the back about taking more money!!! =)

Katie's Dailies said...

UGH! Please don't remind me of that place! I hyperventilated so badly one time while I was in The Chair, that the dentist had to stop and let me sit up. She even gave me a paper bag to breathe in to.

Not fond of dentists much.

Barbra Stephens said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Barbra Stephens said...

(I hate it when I have a typo)....
Hey! You speak Dentist-a-nese! At last, a translator!

tammy said...

I used to be a dental assistant and I can tell you this is only half of what we're really thinking and saying amongst ourselves. Some time I'll fill you in on the rest.

And for the record, we can totally understand you while you're talking with your mouth full.

Pat said...

Thanks for reminding me that I have to schedule my check-up. And thanks for telling it like it is.

The Church Lady said...

How bout...*****We look forward to finding something wrong with your teeth, so that we can fix them for a fee that insurance does not cover!

Dave Austin said...

I was thinking of having all my teeth removed and getting some cool dentures. Pop them out, drop them in a glass at bedtime......wake up, pop them back in and you're ready for the day. Best of all, No More Cavities!!!!

jayayceeblog said...

You are killing me. I need to schedule a dental appointment and have been putting it off. Now I'm going to push it back even more I think! ;-D

lori said...

So true! My hubby always says it's a good idea to eat oreos and cheetos right before going to the dentist to give them a real challenge!

Gigi said...

Nicely done and very accurate!!! Someday, some dentist somewhere will figure out the concept of time management.

Marlene said...

Ha! I love it!!! (probably because my six month visit isn't due until August....so I can forget it right now!)

Melinda said...

Dude, i havent been to the dentist in like 10 years! YOU CAN"T MAKE ME DO IT!!! Sorry, a little anxiety there...

See Mom Smile said...

Ummmm I don't know what your problem is. I actually love my dentist. He is on time. They don't double book. They do have TV's, 80's music AND a massage chair. I actually encourage cavities in my kids so I can go.

FabuLeslie said...

Oh, I love this post. Genius. I would also have added something about the fantastic drugs that will be available... as strong as street drugs but perfectly legal in the wake of, and during these procedures. That's motivation!!

W.C.Camp said...

Been there ... many times sadly! TV's in the ceiling???? Gee I was thrilled last year when the dentist got rid of his roll-up pack of 'Marathon Man' torture devices last year. W.C.C.

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

Hey, I just got one of these today. It wasn't nearly as honest, though.
Cheers,
xoRobyn

ScoMan said...

Hehe... Dentists.

I haven't been to a dentist in at least 5 years now, and I'm not dead yet.

The whole dental industry is a scam.

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

Oh man. I have to go and get a cavity filled and I have been putting it off :-(

Thanks for the reminder.

Powdered Toast Man said...

finally some honesty

Mr. Stupid said...

This was hilarious. I and Mr. Dentist have a great relationship. He Hates Me and I Hate Him.
Toodles...

Mamma has spoken said...

My dentist has vibrating chairs, like you find at the spa. Takes out the pain of going just a little bit....

Bits-n-Pieces said...

my hygienist has taken to calling me every other week, wondering when I'm gonna schedule a cleaning. I'm wondering if they are really that hard up for work??

Bits-n-Pieces said...

my hygienist has taken to calling me every other week, wondering when I'm gonna schedule a cleaning. I'm wondering if they are really that hard up for work??

Vanessa said...

I'm comment #42, so you probably won't even read this...but you forgot to say:

"We are going to do flouride today without telling you even though we did it last time and your insurance only pays for it once a year...we'll just bill you later."

My husband is a rabid anti-Dentite. Which is funny, because my brother is in dental school. That will make for fun family gatherings.

Beth Zimmerman said...

SHUDDERING! I hate the dentist!

Emmy said...

Now that is a dentist I would go to, one who is completely honest about how they are going to rob and plunder you.

Watery Tart said...

*snickersnort* I love it! Oh, dental euphemisms... And you didn't even GET TO the ones you get in the chair!

Queenie Jeannie said...

Ugh! Hate dentists!!!

Connie said...

And you're not going to hear or see the television while the dentist and his hygenist have all 4 hands in your mouth and hanging over you so the only thing you can see is the dentist's nose hair and the smeared mascara on the hygenist.

Bumpkin on a Swing said...

Boy you nailed this one Cheeseboy.
The whole Dentist experience in itself is horrible, you would think that they would do anything to make you comfortable.
The lady who waited on me at the last dentist I went to, had meth head rotten teeth. Awful, I just thought, only in Mississippi.

Sam Liu said...

This is great, and oh so true! I hate the dentist, and this is definitely part of the reason why (this part being hilarious...the other part being pain, not so hilarious :D)

Mighty M said...

I love when people start flossing a day or two before their appointment and hope the dentist won't notice they haven't been doing it all along...

Venassa said...

Ahh soo true. I am not a fan of the dentist at all. However, I am a fan of the ceiling tvs. They give me something to focus on while the dentist does extremely uncomfortable and sometimes painful things to my mouth.

Marla said...

Brilliant!