Saturday, June 5, 2010

Facebook status - Cheeseboy is writing about stupid facebook statuses.

Cheeseboy is in hiatus until June 11.  In the mean time, enjoy this post from November 16, 2009.

Ever since I joined Facebook, I have been astutely fascinated by it's every whim. There is so much going on on a single page: so much human emotion, so much arrogant hooey, so much inside sarcasm - it's hard not to be captivated by it all.

One thing that I have learned as a dimwitted human being reading facebook is this: Just because you are thinking it, does not mean you need to announce it to the masses. Honestly, many of the posts on facebook are just random thoughts that you would never say out loud. Are people too stupid to make this distinction?

I mean, what would you think of me if I just wandered up to you on the street and said something like:

"I hate the snow, but I looooove the holidays!"

-- "Abe, what the heck are you talking about?!"

"Maize or maze... that is the question"

-- Abe, seriously... are you okay? Why are you saying stuff about maze?

"Are people serious with having 40 items in the 10 item or less line?"

-- Who are you talking to Abe? Your not even AT THE GROCERY STORE!

"My back hurts. Love me some Motrin"

-- Dude, you are such a whiner. Do you WANT people to feel sorry for you?

"Anyone have any Farmville plants they are willing to trade?"

-- I'm worried about you Abe. Really. What the %#!* are you talking about?

"Stupid #!@* tin foil! Never tears right."

-- Why are you talking in symbols? Have you hit rock bottom?

-- Also, you are really passionate about tin foil.

"Passion is a right of passage and we all have that right. - H. Terrance Emerson"

-- You are just making crap up now, aren't you?

"Anyone have a good recipe that incorporates rhubarb?"

-- What... the...

I believe the most commonly used facebook tool is the "like" button. The problem is that I like just about everything.

"Kevin Smithson became a fan of the Crossroads Community Food Donation Co-Op"

Here you go Kevin... a "like" from me. Becoming a fan of giving food to the poor... you are a good person, regardless if you actually give food to the poor or not. If you are a fan, that is good enough for me.

"David Larson and Tommy Yougun are now friends via the friend finder"

Thumbs up from me. Nice to see people go out of their way to make new friends.

Vicky Mixon: Rescued a puppy today from a man with a rifle.

LIKE FOR YOU. Wish I could give you 3 likes Vicky... puppy diva of sainthood.

Another problem I have is that I get so liberal with my giving of "like" I accidentally like things that should without a doubt not be liked. This is always embarrassing.

Thomas Stonehouse: Grammy died today. She lived a good life.

"Like"

Jerry Submarington: So sick! Feels like my limbs have fallen off.

"Like"

I always realize my mistake like 3 hours too late. Then I have to explain my like in the comments:

"Oh crud... sorry Thomas. I didn't mean that I like that your Grammy died today. I meant I am happy she lived a good life. I'm sure she was a good Grammy. Are we still "friends"?"

"Uh Jerry. Sorry, didn't mean to like your limb problem. I just thought the way you phrased it was a bit funny since you have such small arms and all. Like a dinosaur. Are you made at me?"

Finally, I always get a kick out of the people that invite me to join the anti-facebook causes:

You have been invited to join "1,000,000 strong to get facebook to go back to the old format."

Screw the poor in Cottonwood! Now THIS is a cause I can sink my teeth into! What do I need to do? Put a lawn sign in my yard? Go door to door? Write letters to facebook? This is important and life changing! HOW DARE THEY?! HOW DARE THEY CHANGE THE FORMAT OF THEIR OWN WEBSITE!? WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE?! WHAT IS THIS... COMMUNIST CHINA?!

You know who else changed the format of their website? Hitler. Facebook is soooo socialist. It's just another sign our country is rotting... rotting like a rotten, rotting dead hamster, decaying in a basket of rotting apples.

Actually, I didn't really realize that they had switched formats, but I really feel I need to start getting more passionate about stuff and this is a good place to start.

Another big one I have been getting lately is: "Join the cause - Keep Facebook free!"

Are people really concerned about this? Sorry, can't join this cause. If they charged money to use Facebook, the cause "Keep Facebook free!" would die and I would never be asked to join it again.

30 comments:

Kelly said...

Hilarious. I am feeling like Facebook is totally overrated. and it takes up too much of my freakin time. Also it is hilarious how you can have a complete full on fight with someone by using passive aggressive status updates. What happened to the day when we just talked in person. Does that even happen anymore?

TS Hendrik said...

I rarely use facebook. However whatever odd thought I post I'd have no problem saying in person. But then I get kick out of saying odd things to weird out people.

Mighty M said...

Teri Milnes IS laughing over this hilarious post!

Green-Eyed Momster said...

I only joined Facebook to see pictures of my friends brother after he passed away suddenly last year. With my past, I could never use my real name there. I'm Green-Eyed Momster there to if you want to send me a friend request. I have to warn you though, I'm even more boring on there than I an on my blogs. I updated my "status" last night because it was "none" for at least a week.

If I win the lottery though, I'm going to play Farmville, Mafia wars and all the other games FULL TIME!

Hope you have a great weekend!

"LIKE"

Lindsay @ Just My Blog said...

"You know who else changed the format of their website? Hitler."

I think this should be MY new Facebook status. Nicely done, sir.

Katie's Dailies said...

"A big thumbs up" (picture the "Like" button on facebook).

The status that gets me is the novel length status, the one where the person tell you what they did every.single. minute. of. the.day.

I hit "like" for those just because I "like" that they finally got to the end of their epic long status update!

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

I think that is hilarious! For some reason, the voice of Andy Rooney was in my head while I was reading that :-)

Writing Without Periods! said...

facebook and I parted ways about a month ago. I felt like I was in high school!
Oy.
Mary

Lady Hill said...

I literally laughed out loud at the dinosaur limbs.

I often find myself explaining my reason for liking statuses. I've given up. If I like that you fell down and broke your arm, well, then, too bad. You shouldn't have fallen down.

tammy said...

They really need to add a dislike button on FB. I'm glad you broke the rules and did a repost too. This is some funny stuff! I think I'm going to have to link to this in my FB status.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

You've added to my list of reasons why I'll never open a Facebook account.

Marlene said...

WHAT?!!! No mockery of the main reason I'm on FB...which is to beat all my friends at Bejeweled Blitz?! I know what's important in life! (dripping sarcasm)

MiMi said...

Oh geez. I once read this one from this idiot I went to school with...
S.W. just had the BEST shower ever.
What? Who gives a rat's behind?

T said...

everyone (okay, maybe just 20 or so people) at CBC told me I really needed to be reading your blog - and you're on Hiatus??? ahhh, well, it's giving me some time to catch up with your hilarity.

sometimes in real life I wish we could just click "like" and be DONE with a mundane conversation though...

and apparently Marlene and I need to be fb "friends" because I Kick Butt at bejeweled blitz (okay, haven't actually played in a few months...)

ScoMan said...

I stole my favourite facebook status ever from a song, and I often recycle it..

"is the Pauly Shore of everyday life, easily forgettable and I'm not well liked"

I always get like.. 5 likes for that one. No matter how many times people see it.

Nancy C said...

I often "like" my own comments, which is, I believe, like laughing too loudly and too long at your own jokes.

Tammy said...

I loved this the first time around and I still love it now!

Lindzena said...

Ha ha ha I'm the same way. But the thing is most of the random things that I put as a status I actually would say to people. I am just weird like that. It's rough to 'like' something utterly depressing...

Ally said...

I am obsessed with Facebook, but I do agree with everything you've said. Don't hate me for my obsession though. To me it really is like micro blogging.

baygirl32 said...

I'm using facebook less and less. But I have no problem saying in person whatever I post on facebook. Occasionally when I get bored, I change my relationship status and await the phone calls!

imbeingheldhostage said...

I wanted to click on the "like" button, but stinking Blogger doesn't offer it. You're stuck with my comment instead. LIKE.

Tgoette said...

Loving this! I often wonder at the egos that think their every banal thought is publish worthy. Thanks for calling these ass-clowns out!

Stop by. I have something for you.

Teachinfourth said...

I try not to use FB too much. I think it's a time-waster, but then again, there are times I have time to waste.

Hope your hiatus is a good one.

Krista said...

I love FB! I've caught up with so many friends and rekindled friendships that we drifted from. Awesome stuff. And some of it is hilarious. But I hate the "Farmville, Mafia, etc." Who has time for that?

Adoption of Jane said...

Aw too bad your gone I have an award for you on my page today! LMAO @ Facebook... so true! Hope you have a good Blogcation!

Marnie said...

This post is hilarious! I can relate. Never in my life have I witnessed so many brain farts anywhere else but Facebook.

I have a friend who is always posting really negative status update messages...horrible stuff...stuff that should not be posted. I always "like" it to piss her off :0)))))))))))

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Oh man, I am a terrible Facebooker! No really, I am. I'm al always SOOO out of the loop.
Dang, where are my priorities?

Loretta Valenta said...

LIKE!!! :)

Beth said...

Amen! You are so right on with this whole post! I have a FB account but mostly it just sits there appalling me with the rampant stupidity! And if they ever DO charge for it ... I'm outta there!

Powdered Toast Man said...

I am commenting on your blog post right now!! I like pizza.