Thursday, May 27, 2010
How the "Old Lady that Swallowed the Fly" really went down.
Old Lady: Oh my, oh my, oh my. I think I just swallowed a fly.
Daughter: Mom, for the last time, you didn't swallow a fly. Did you take your meds this morning?
Old Lady: This time I am serious. I yawned while I was driving my Harley.
Daughter: Mom, you don't even own a Harley.
Old Lady: I am 96 years old. I will own a Harley if I want to.
Now, I need a spider and quick!
Daughter: Noooo! Mom, don't do iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!
Old Lady: [Gulp]
Daughter: How many times do I have to tell you that the spider will not catch the fly?
Old Lady: But I like the way it wriggles and wiggles and tickles inside me.
Daughter: I am pretty sure that wasn't even a spider mom. That actually could have been my bracelet.
Old Lady: Now, where are my birds?
Daughter: You ate them all, mom.
Old Lady: All of them? I did?
Daughter: Mom, this is the 16th "fly" you have "swallowed" in the last month.
Old Lady: Feathers... is DEAD?!
Daughter: Yes mom. You ate her yesterday. Remember, you had to go to the ER because the talons?
Old Lady: But you said you could hear her tweeting?
Daughter: No, I said I tweeted that my mom is eating all our pets.
Old Lady: I don't know what that means. I'm tired. I am a tired old lady.
Daughter: Why are you putting your shoe on your head?
Old Lady: I am trying to go home. It's broth for you and your siblings tonight. Then you are getting a sound whipping!
Daughter: Mom, I am 68 years old and an only child.
Old Lady: Don't you talk to me like that. I am your mother.