Friday, May 7, 2010

Ancient Chinese Proverbs - by Cheeseboy.


Give a man a fish, you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you'll feed him for a lifetime.

Give a boy a 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid' book, he'll be occupied for an hour.
Give a boy a Nintendo DS, you'll never hear from him again.

Give a man a dish full of food and he will be a happy man.
Teach a man to properly load the dish in the dishwasher and he will avoid the doghouse for quite some time.

Give your child the job of cleaning his room and it will never get done.
Teach your child how to clean his room and you will end up doing all the work.

Give a teacher a thank you card for Teacher Appreciation and he will think you are terrific.
Give a teacher a thank you card with a gift card to Five Guys attached and he will think you are terrific and he will get fat.

Give your first grade class a box of crayons and they will get used.
Allow your class to use washable markers and they will never use crayons again.

Allow your first graders to use washable markers and one will always draw a mustache on himself.
Take the washable markers away and tears will wash off the mustache.

Give your kids a dollar for a lost tooth and they are joyous.
Teach your kids not to be jealous when the neighbor kid gets five dollars per tooth and that will never work.

Give a first grader a stapler and they will use 28 staples on a single page.
Keep them in from recess and give them a stapler remover and they will stab themselves with it.

Give your sons a trampoline and they will jump on it.
Teach your sons to use the neighbor's trampoline and you will not have to buy a trampoline.

Give your spouse a kiss and you might receive one in return.
Give your spouse a foot massage and your chances at a return kiss increase by approximately 35%.
Teach your spouse to kiss and she will wonder what the heck is wrong with you.

37 comments:

Melinda said...

Awesome, I'm first! I like the ones about the first graders the best (the mustache one--big thumbs up) and the kissing your spouse one too. Very true.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

I am with you on these. Wimpy kids books? Yep, and the rest of it! Oh, and the neighbor's trampoline? I so wish we had done that.

Beth said...

This may be my favorite piece of cheese yet! Both sweet and funny! A+

Kristina P. said...

Do we have to say "In Bed" after all of these?

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Stabbinig themselves with the stapler remover - love it!

Hutch said...

$5 for a tooth? My eventual children are gonna send me back to po' house!

Joann Mannix said...

Great post, Cheeseboy.

Also, make certain your wife has a beautiful Mother's Day with thoughtfulness, a clean house, some peace, dinner out and maybe an hour long foot massage and you might just get luuuucky!!

A Slice of Dansie said...

Very good!! Thanks for the laughs :)

Teachinfourth said...

Wow, you really nailed a lot of those right on the head. I can't even pick a favorite...

Katie's Dailies said...

Oh, you had me giggling through out!


Teach your boy how to play Lego Star Wars on the 'puter and he will be quiet for an hour.
Introduce him to World of Warcraft (thanks, dear husband o' mine for THAT) and you won't hear(or see) him for days!

And I miss Five Guys so much! They really need to open up a place down here!

Lori said...

I'm still waiting for Orthotist appreciation day! I guess with only 20 of us in the whole state, it will probably never happen. :(

The Invisible Seductress said...

This may just be the perfect post!!! Ahahahaha I loved each one!!!!!


Only 35% return kiss rate though...It's been a while but that seems low to me...

Unknown Mami said...

Give a man a blog a journal and he will never let you read it
Give a man a blog and he'll write witty posts for you to read.

ScoMan said...

The mustache one made me laugh out loud.

But then, the image of crying children always makes me laugh out loud.

Mamma has spoken said...

Love them all especially the gift certificates. Got one for a local ice cream parlor and it was great using it last night knowing that I really wasn't paying for the overprice sundaes ;o)
My favorite one is hanging on my frig:
Give a teen a snack and you feed him for a day, Teach him to fix his own snack and your kitchen will be a wreck forever. This also applies to hubbies (except you, I'm sure you clean up after yourself).

Lindzena said...

Confucius say? Wonderful words of wisdom. Diary of a Wimpy Kid - My sister is obsessed with those. I used to be fond of the Captain Underpants books. I still think they kick Wimpy Kid's but.

VKT said...

This is so funny. Great post said the fat teacher who loves Five Guys....lol

FabuLeslie said...

Those are funny. I learned one today, and wouldn't have known how to write it up without you...

Tell a kid to go play at recess and he'll sit down and eavesdrop on teacher conversations;
Tell a kid that time out is by the teachers at recess, and he'll run til the whistle blows.

Loading the dishwasher and bathing the kids are two more ways of increasing the chance of kisses.

Tracey said...

I really laughted out loud at:
"Give your child the job of cleaning his room and it will never get done.
Teach your child how to clean his room and you will end up doing all the work."

I can't tell you how many times I've done that! I'm on to them now! Hee he he!

Don't tell anyone I was here....
I'm still on a break!

Thanks for the laugh today. I hope your wife has a wonderful Mother's Day!

Green-Eyed Momster

Kelly said...

I liked the one about the mustache! Happy Teacher Appreciation week!

Martha said...

Great Proverbs, O Wise Cheese One!

Tgoette said...

Bravo Cheeseboy! A very funny post! Definitely words to live by!

The Empress said...

Oh, you are so very right about the stapler.

I can tell you know that,too.

Happy Mother's Day to your wife!

Mr. Stupid said...

Loved it. Hilarious post. $5 for a tooth? That's awesome. Maybe, I should get a Tooth fairy costume and go get some Teeth from under the pillow...:)

Have an awesome day!

Queenie Jeannie said...

LOL!!! These were great!

Jason, as himself said...

Very insightful, very accurate.

Give a 1st grade teacher a blog and he'll make witty observations.

Give a cheesy 1st grade teacher a blog and he'll entertain the blogosphere forever.

MiMi said...

I quit teaching the kids how to do anything. So now NOTHING gets done. It's awesome.

ModernMom said...

Note to self...send the girls next door to the trampoline. Fab advice:)

smArtee said...

Very Funny.... Cheeseboy..!

Give a Cheeseboy a Blog
Teach Bloggers how to laugh...

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

You are so clever and funny. I can't say that enough! But I'll keep saying it.
Loved this all, but I do agree with Seductress re the 35% increase on the return rate. Perhaps that's because your wife is so hot, she knows how to keep you working for it.
xoRobyn

Bossy Betty said...

Love these! I KNOW the stapler one is true!!

tammy said...

These words of truth and wisdom cracked me up.

järnebrand said...

I just love the ancient wisdom of old chinese proverbs... Well done/ Jo.

tiburon said...

All of these are soooo true. But lucky you for the Five Guys card.

Yummmmmmmy!

mama-face said...

LOL. On every point. You make truth so funny.

Bits-n-Pieces said...

love it! I can so relate!!

ASBLACKASOBAMA said...

When will the book of Cheese-isms be released?