My last round of questions and answers was such a rousing success, I decided to delve into the old mailbag once again. You, my reading public, make me what I am and you deserve to have your queries answered.
Q: Our first email comes from Georgia O' Keefe of Dollywood, Oklahoma: Cheeseboy, I need to know, where have all the cowboys gone?
A: Paula Cole had no answer to this back in the 90's, but as the saying goes: If you know less in life than Paula Cole, you might qualify for a special parking pass.
Everyone knows this saying.
Contrary to popular belief, the cowboys have not all ventured to Brokeback Mountain. (Two did, and they even made a movie about it.) Cowboys really haven't gone anywhere. In fact, I saw Cowboys on "The Amazing Race" just the other day. They had these monstrosities on their heads:
To answer your question Georgia, two years ago I was passing through Southern Utah and stopped at a Payson Walmart. I am convinced that the Payson, Utah Walmart is where all the cowboys have gone.
Q: This question comes to us from Billy Jean King from Yorkshire, South Dakota: Where do you get all of your blasted ideas, Cheeseboy?
A: I'd like to tell you that the come from my creative imagination, but that would be a lie. My ideas actually come from a box I found buried under my the tree in my back yard about 5 years ago. I accidentally found the box of ideas while digging for some gold coins I buried. I was looking for the gold coins I buried because I needed them to buy a book of writing prompts and ideas.
Q: This one from Jake James Cornstarch in the Black Hills in Sarasota Springs, Kentucky: What is the best way to cook a turkey?
A: I get this question a lot, James. Surprisingly, while I know a lot about many things, I know absolutely nothing about cooking turkeys. I am certain, however, that the most important part of preparing a turkey is the plucking.
Q: I have an email here from Clementine Saquinto from Calgury, Maine: Cheeseboy, do you have any advice for maintaining a happy marriage?
A: Even though my wife and I make a perfect pair, we still have to work at our relationship. My advice is to always go to bed first so that you don't have to yank the sheet back onto your corner of the bed.
Q: A question from Clive T. Jansburgh of Minnesota: Hey Cheeseboy, I'm confused, what the heck is going on in LOST? How will the finale end?
A: Great question, Clive. This one is easy. The entire cast are actually in Hawaii filming a pretend television show about a plane crash and a smoke monster. The cast will be allowed to go home and work on other projects. All of us dorks that watch the show will go about having actual lives again and we will stop obsessing with the plot.
Least climatic finale ever.
Q: This one comes to us from Silvia Sandstrom from El Paso, Texas: How did your blog become so popular so quickly?
A: I've been praying a lot lately for followers. I am not sure if God cares about blog followers, but I think he must. I think God REALLY wants to see the Burt Reynod's pickup truck post. A lot of people don't know this, but God is a huge Smokey and the Bandit fan.
Q: Last one for today. This comes from Buccaneer Steve from the Pacific Islands: Ahoy, what did yar do with me old gold coins I gave you back in '83?
A: I hid them under a tree in my backyard. Argh. Your parrot concurs.