Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Another Q&A with Cheeseboy

My last round of questions and answers was such a rousing success, I decided to delve into the old mailbag once again.  You, my reading public, make me what I am and you deserve to have your queries answered.

Q: Our first email comes from Georgia O' Keefe of Dollywood, Oklahoma:  Cheeseboy, I need to know, where have all the cowboys gone?

A: Paula Cole had no answer to this back in the 90's, but as the saying goes: If you know less in life than Paula Cole, you might qualify for a special parking pass.

Everyone knows this saying.

Contrary to popular belief, the cowboys have not all ventured to Brokeback Mountain.  (Two did, and they even made a movie about it.) Cowboys really haven't gone anywhere.  In fact, I saw Cowboys on "The Amazing Race" just the other day.  They had these monstrosities on their heads:


To answer your question Georgia, two years ago I was passing through Southern Utah and stopped at a Payson Walmart.  I am convinced that the Payson, Utah Walmart is where all the cowboys have gone.

Q: This question comes to us from Billy Jean King from Yorkshire, South Dakota: Where do you get all of your blasted ideas, Cheeseboy?

A: I'd like to tell you that the come from my creative imagination, but that would be a lie.  My ideas actually come from a box I found buried under my the tree in my back yard about 5 years ago.  I accidentally found the box of ideas while digging for some gold coins I buried.  I was looking for the gold coins I buried because I needed them to buy a book of writing prompts and ideas.

Q: This one from Jake James Cornstarch in the Black Hills in Sarasota Springs, Kentucky: What is the best way to cook a turkey?

A: I get this question a lot, James.  Surprisingly, while I know a lot about many things, I know absolutely nothing about cooking turkeys.  I am certain, however, that the most important part of preparing a turkey is the plucking.

Q: I have an email here from Clementine Saquinto from Calgury, Maine: Cheeseboy, do you have any advice for maintaining a happy marriage? 

A: Even though my wife and I make a perfect pair, we still have to work at our relationship.  My advice is to always go to bed first so that you don't have to yank the sheet back onto your corner of the bed.   

Q: A question from Clive T. Jansburgh of Minnesota: Hey Cheeseboy, I'm confused, what the heck is going on in LOST? How will the finale end?

A: Great question, Clive.  This one is easy.  The entire cast are actually in Hawaii filming a pretend television show about a plane crash and a smoke monster.  The cast will be allowed to go home and work on other projects.  All of us dorks that watch the show will go about having actual lives again and we will stop obsessing with the plot.

Least climatic finale ever.

Q: This one comes to us from Silvia Sandstrom from El Paso, Texas: How did your blog become so popular so quickly?

A: I've been praying a lot lately for followers.  I am not sure if God cares about blog followers, but I think he must.  I think God REALLY wants to see the Burt Reynod's pickup truck post.  A lot of people don't know this, but God is a huge Smokey and the Bandit fan.

Q: Last one for today.  This comes from Buccaneer Steve from the Pacific Islands: Ahoy, what did yar do with me old gold coins I gave you back in '83?

A: I hid them under a tree in my backyard.   Argh. Your parrot concurs. 

44 comments:

Dean Walker said...

Keep up the good work Cheeseboy

lisleman said...

I thought the cowboys took the gold coins from the pirates who walked the leprechauns down the plank.
So did you have a rainbow end at the bottom of that tree?

Kristina P. said...

We have two separate blankets on our ginormous king size bed. No sharing.

Krista said...

Cheeseboy, please consider this question next time: If you could eat pizza with anyone famous, who would you ask to bring the root beer?

Nubian said...

So how many voices do you have in your head? You make me truly laugh out loud! Thanks for the much needed stress reliever.

Kate said...

The Google ad over there on the sidebar is for "Modeling in Utah." How did they know?? I'm still in the running toward becoming America's Next Top Plus-Size Momma Model.

I suspect that you are truly insane. But consistently entertaining.

Gwei Mui said...

LOL: I always get into bed first to avoid the nocturnal sheet tug-o-war
When you hold your next Q&A perhaps you will turn your thoughts to this:
What happens during the washing cycle to make at least one sock disappear and where do these socks go?

Teachinfourth said...

Maybe I need to pray a little harder…

Paula Cole is awesome, BTW.

Also, weren't you going to enter one of your kids into that contest? I'll bet that you could put up quite the fight with your following…see who is REALLY your friends.

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

Every line is fabulously funny. Thank goodness you found that buried box. We are all better human beings - or at least we laugh a bit more - because of it.
xoRobyn

imbeingheldhostage said...

Dang. British Airways doesn't fly into Payson.

Powdered Toast Man said...

I hope you find those gold coins. Pirates can give you the scurvy.

Mamma has spoken said...

Hum, and I thought the reason you had so many followers was due to you really neat icon and blog title....

Kelly said...

That was my favorite post of all time! Thanks a million.

PS were you medicated as a child?

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Gave me a good laugh.
And I will be avoiding that Walmart in Payson, Utah.

Joann Mannix said...

I just see you as a turkey cooker, I don't know why.

Also, besides the king sized bed, many, many pillows are also a must. Because, someone I know, no names, rips the pillow out from under my head as I'm sleeping because he doesn't think 1,001 pillows are enough to cushion himself with. Who does that? Not Bono, I'm sure.

What is so special about that Walmart? There's got to be something there luring in the cowboys. Is the canned hash on sale all the time?

tammy said...

I think you're right about the Lost ending.

Cowboys are sexy.

I always go to bed first. Must be why I'm happily married. Also there must not be any crossing of the invisible line down the middle of the bed while we are sleeping. I have been known to kick if that happens.

The Church Lady said...

You certainly have a God given talent, Cheeseboy and that is to make people laugh. Thank you for the laughs. Now, the pressure is on to keep it up. Hope those ideas never run out!

Writing Without Periods! said...

Okay, now I'm praying. Great post.
Mary

SueLovesCherries said...

Well, I guess I don't have to watch the LOST finale now. NOT!

Noelle said...

You're such a dork. :) I say that with all of the platonic blogging love I have in my heart.

tiburon said...

I don't know where the cowboys are - but Paula Cole CAN tell you where the prairie dogs are. In her armpits.

http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z249/jg_65/hairy_woman_armpit_photo.jpg

And just so you know - I gave up watching LOST 3 years ago. I thought my head was going to explode.

Mr. Stupid said...

LOL. Hilarious post, Cheeseboy. Glad you found that box before the Cowboys. I heard they were looking everywhere for the lost Cows. Even in backyards!

Toodles:)

mama-face said...

LOL. One of your best. PAULA COLE!! Oh that was the worst song EVER.

How come God isn't answering my prayers? (I mean this sarcastically, not existentially; in case you are confused).

Melinda said...

Awesome answers, as always. Great, I haven't watched the last half of this season of Lost and you totally ruined it for me!! Not really, you could've said that a dinosaur ate everyone and it would've been believable. :)

MiMi said...

Yep. I'm with you. Go to bed first and there's never a problem.

mintifresh said...

Loved the Lost Q/A.

I hope you find your booty, or at least more of these fantastic ideas! :)

Pat Tillett said...

Great post! You are too damn funny.
I don't have the sheet and blanket problem. My wife is menopausal and we never want them at the same time anyway it seems...

lindsey v said...

I was just about to ask you one of those same questions! But I won't. Cause now I know where you buried the old gold coins.

Also, did you see the creators of Lost on Letterman last night?

Hutch said...

Maybe all the cowboys I saw at Stageocach were from the Payson, Utah walmart. I'd say that's pretty logical!

sammy said...

haha great friggin idea for a post!! that box must have some great material.

i could never get into lost. i remember when it first came out, i wondered if it was a tv show or movie??

my wife is notorious for stealing covers then acting like she didnt. this is in a king sized bed mind you. she scoffed at my request of getting two separate beds like the black and white tv days. so selfish

VKT said...

Good ones Cheeseboy! Buried in your yard eh? lol

I am attending a wedding and wanted to ask you to do a guest post on my blog....but I don't know how you do that? Do you? and if you do...would you? lol


Just think how excited my blog buds would be to get promoted from Kindergarten humor to first grade.....!

Sam Liu said...

Hilarious, Cheeseboy, you never fail to leave me in rolls of laughter! :D

Kimi@SoManyKids said...

Let's be totally honest here, Who isn't a huge Smokey and the Bandit Fan. I mean come on. That's a classic piece of American Film History right there.

Alicia said...

ha! now i know why my hubs always goes to bed before me!! that little terd.

FabuLeslie said...

You are so silly. Thanks for the laughs. They really make me laugh.

Tracey said...

I blogged about the sheet thing. My post is called Tug of War. http://greeneyedmama.blogspot.com/2009/01/tug-of-war.html

I think that's one of the hardest parts of being married.

Great post, as always!

Green-Eyed Momster

Katie's Dailies said...

Only 10 more to go before making that video post from Burt's pick up truck. Are you ready? Just make sure they get your good side (and the truck is clean)!

See Mom Smile said...

First of all the Cowboys on the Amazing Race totally rocked and should have won. They were true gentlemen and true to their hats the entire race.

I left you something over at my blog. It's something we girlie bloggers like to do.

Beth said...

LOL ... Do ALL married people fight the blanket fight?

And you so better be wrong about LOST!

Dave Austin said...

Great post Cheeseboy.

If I told you I've never seen Lost would that qualify me for a special parking pass? I figure I could park closer to the door when I go to Walmart!

Connie said...

I concur with you on the cowboys in Payson Walmart. See, parrots aren't the only ones who concur!

Ally said...

can you answer me this, what band will you never, ever tire of? i blogged about this for sunday and am curious about other people's answer. like one band you may have liked for the past 20 or so years even... name that band. that one band that touched you in such a way, you can never move on...

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

I'll be honest, this is one of my favorite posts. Very clever, and you made me laugh.

Plain Jane said...

We have separate sheets and blankets. Because I won't let my husband steal them in the night, he thinks I am a hog. Your ideas came from under a tree in your backyard? Must have been a big box, you're great.