Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Do "tags" still exist? Apparently. Also: More proof unicorns are better than dragons.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm not one for blogging games, topics, awards and especially memes. I hate the idea of being creatively chained or forced to write about a certain subject on a certain day. In fact, I don't know how many times my family or buddies will send me news items, jokes or pictures to blog about. Yet, while it would almost always make great blogging fodder, I feel a little awkward posting something that is not 100% mine.

(Except of course, music and video, which I happily post as if it were my own.)

Perhaps I am greedy? Perhaps I want blogging failures to be my blogging failures? Perhaps I am over-thinking all of this? I am not sure, but the fact remains: I do not like to be told what to post.

That being said, I have decided to participate today in a "tag". I have made this life-changing decision for four reasons:

1. I was tagged by Nikki, of Oxford, New Zealand. She owns and operates a blog known to the locals as "Wool'n'Nuts". (Not sure of the meaning of the name.) I have a theory regarding New Zealand: Do exactly as a New Zealander asks. Those that disobey are at risk of being swallowed by the Dark Lords of Mordor.

2. Nikki, of Oxford New Zealand, has a giant unicorn on her blog. Unicorns - as we all know - are the most powerful of the mythical creatures and could, without a doubt, kick the living crap out of a meekly pathetic dragon.

3. Niki owns bizarre New Zealand chickens and roosters which, I am afraid, will peck one's eyes out if one is unkind to their master.

4. Frankly, my last few posts have completely drained me creatively and my brain is screaming at me to be lazy.

Here we go... jump aboard and please... no flash photography.

1. Where were you five years ago?

A. Poor.
B. Begging my wife for food at McDonalds.
C. Fatter.
D. Happy that "The Office" was actually funny.
E. Angry I spent $7.00 on "The Dukes of Hazard".

2. Where would you like to be in five years from now?

A. Hugh Hefner adult diaper designer.
B. Writing for Conan's new show.
C. Donkey Kong World Champion
D. Co-host of "Dancing with the Stars" with Brooke Burke
E. Flying ability.

3. What was on your to do list today?

A. Back wax.
B. "Bully Beatdown" audition.
C. Nightly 'kissing of the wife' rejection time.
D. Write to CBS to bring back "The Tony Danza Show".
E. Unicorn training.

4. What five snacks do you enjoy?

A. Baconnaise
B. Mutton
C. Prune juice and cabbage
D. Anything "pickled" that is not a pickle.
E. Windshield Bugs

5. What would you do if you were a billionaire?

A. Remodel every Target break room.
B. Pay for "Sparrow Boy" to get a sex change.
C. Purchase the Girl Scout Cookie company and sell them year round.
D. Set up an actual dragon v. unicorn fight to settle this nonsense once and for all.
E. Make school lunch edible.

In addition to being tagged, I have also received two blogging awards.

This one from Beth:













And this one from Flock of Fitzgeralds:















Not sure exactly what these mean, other than I am one cool hardcore sonofagun! I am hoping that these awards include a fruit basket or some man lotions. I'd love to get some fresh flowers for my dressing room too. I guess we'll see. At very least they could throw in a nice sculpted wooden duck for the den.

My sincere thanks to both of you!

55 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Was The Office actually funny? I can't remember back that far.

Beth said...

Abe,
I would buy Thin Mints and Samoas from you year round! And I promise not to send you any more rewards. :)

How in the world did you manage to blog in anonymity since 2008?

MiMi said...

Man, I can't believe it's been 5 years since the stupid Dukes of Hazard movie came out.

The Church Lady said...

You are much too creative to participate in memes and such. I on the other hand, lead a boring life and look for memes to have something to blog about. Well, at least you gave this one your best shot! Thanks for the laugh!

Beth Zimmerman said...

I sent you an e-mail or 2. You are truly a funny guy! I think you deserve your own category of blog award ... or at least a wooden duck for your den!

Lindzena said...

I was tagged once. It was like two years ago. And kudos to you on the lazy! I need to get better at lazy blogging.

Jason, as himself said...

This was your brain being lazy? I'd say even at its laziest, your brain is pretty creative!

Only You said...

I agree - this was not a "lazy" post! Wow, it only takes me two posts to wipe out my brain, so I didn't blog or read for the last half week. Congrats on your awards! Maybe you should also get one for originality and for being a non-tag/meme follower - surely there is one of those floating around somewhere...

Sharon's New Life said...

I think any man who films himself sitting inside a dumpster (and doesn't get paid for it) deserves many, many awards!
You are a funny guy and I love to read your witty posts and see you comment on my blog.
Happy Blogging!
Sharon:)

Lene said...

Is man lotion really too much to hope for?!?

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

When you become a billionaire, would you kindly sell the original thin mint Girl Scout cookies again? Those were the best. Please cut the prices in half too. Thanks Cheeseboy.
xoRobyn

Melinda said...

I can't think of anything funny to say, the only thing I can think of is "you're funny". I know, I"m so clever.

FabuLeslie said...

Ok. Baconnaise. I love that you mentioned that. I think you forgot to add the blueberry pancake sausage pigs in blankets by Jimmy Dean.

Also, The New Zealand theory just makes me think of Flight of the Conchords. I love those guys. And their manager's posters for the travel industry in new zealand.

You're a funny guy, CB!

Bossy Betty said...

Congrats on your awards! Loved your answers!

Krista said...

so i'm not the only one that rejects my husband's kisses? blogs make me feel better in so many ways.

Unknown Mami said...

I wish you were rich so that you would buy the girl scout cookies and sell them year round in a girl scout uniform in front of my Safeway. That way I could point and laugh every time I got my thin mint fix. And you should wear a sign that says, "How you like me now, Sparrow boy?"

Connie said...

You paid $7.00 for the Dukes of Hazzard? What a rip-off!
Congrats on your bloggy awards.

Niki said...

hehe...now that didn't hurt did it?!? aww you fear me lol, AND if you had read my 'W' post you would have known what 'Wool'n'Nuts' stands for!!!!! hmmmmm :o)

The Empress said...

Congrats on your awards!!

Ally said...

I really hope you lied about your fave foods. Ew! I too don't normally do the awards and other blog gimmicks. I try to do Ian's Daily Dose just because he's my bud, but when I do I use it as my PM edition from 6-12.

Powdered Toast Man said...

Great answers. I would love to be able to get some Samoas and Thin Mints in the store. Make that crap happen.

Where are you going to find a unicorn and dragon in the U.S.?

ScoMan said...

I enjoy a good tag or meme... so long as I can think of a creative way to spin it.

I don't remember The Office being funny either. I blame Steve Carrell. He's a douchebag.

Farmers Wifey said...

What the hell is baconaise and how the hell do I get some??

Claire said...

lol!!! I think this was worth you breaking your rule of not doing these type of things. Quite worth it in deed!

Mr. Stupid said...

Awesome post. Loved your answers. And congrats on the award.
BTW, try playing Basketball. I heard the jumping lets you fly. Five years of continuous jumping should help you learn to fly.
If that doesn't work, I will send you a "Gives me Flying Ability" potion...:)

Toodles!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Those are good ways to spend your money!

SueLovesCherries said...

Happy to see that everything is going insanely smooth in Cheese World!

imbeingheldhostage said...

Congrats on your awards and welcome to the world of memes ;-) Remember when your folks first learned to email and they began sending you every story or joke they came across (how many times have YOU received the story about the injured kid who could see the "birdies")? It's just like that. Enjoy.

ModernMom said...

Best use of a meme I have seen in a long time:)
Remodel of the Target Break rooms? I have a feeling there is another post in there somehwere!

Congrats on the awards...you are indeed a cool sonofagun.

Anne said...

Hey, I am all for the self-gratification that Blog Awards bring ;)

The Invisible Seductress said...

Baconnaise is freaking genius!!!

I bow to you!

Emmy said...

Wow your days are much more exciting than mine :)

Marion Williams-Bennett said...

Tags are hard because you are always looking over your shoulder to see who was funnier, wittier, had more comments.

You win.

Baconaise.
Say no more.

smArtee said...

Your list made me Chuckle out Loud...LOL is one loud burst of laughter...but chuckle is a continuous flow of laughing...well thats my definition..and thats what I did...chuckled continuously...I dont know baconaise and i dont think I want to...Ok..now so can we all start sending you awards...??you deserve em..!...and you didnt love Jessica Simpson in her daisy's...??

Nancy C said...

The Office has lost me as well. Too much Jim and Pam drama and blah blah blah.

Now, 30 Rock? That show could have my babies.

Krista said...

I had a hard time thinking about anything after I read the Hugh Hefner adult diaper designer. I can just imagine little playboy bunnies that change color when they get wet. Memes are fun - don't hate them! They can also allow you to use your creativity just as you did. So do you like pickled eel?

annie valentine said...

I need my husband to read this post. Maybe then he'll let me hang that unicorn poster in our bedroom.

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Prune Juice and cabbage? No wonder you want to designs adult diapers! ;D

Tracie said...

Anyone who paid to see The Dukes Of Hazard got what they deserved.

Noelle said...

Note to self: Don't send Abe awards.

Note to Abe: I would buy Thin Mints weekly!

And seriously, how do you get so many people to comment???

Joann Mannix said...

Dude, i am so with you on the memes and the pass it on awards.

And don't ever get me started on the, "Don't ever tell me what to do." I told my husband when we got married, that the one thing I required was that phrase. Seriously. it's like a serial killer rage blows up in me. I hope I never get pulled over by a cop. It could be a problem.

I happen to like mutton. And oxtail soup is delicious too.

Hutch said...

I'm afraid to ask what Baconaise is, yeah I think I'm better off not knowing that one!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Whoot! I do the same sometimes, and get all lazy and just want an easy day, so I agree. Especially if there are magical unicorns involved.

Tree said...

Hey! Congrats on the awards! No memes?! What is wrong with you, son?! By the way... I would've paid $10 for the Dukes of Hazzard! Ya know...he lived in GA (my home state), and I actually met him while he was on the show!! Very cool! :)

Teachinfourth said...

I love 'The Office.' Brilliant!

I am so glad that you didn't start tagging everyone and everyone with your pain and suffering.

tiburon said...

Soooooo gonna play your little tag. ;)

I am kind of over tags and blog giveaways...

Everyday Goddess said...

I'm totally team Unicorn.

Richard & Natalie said...

Please, oh please, become a billionaire! It's about time someone knocked those Girl Scouts out of their monopoly over Samoas & Thin Mints.
Great post. Tags aren't so bad when they are done like that!

Melissa@Suger Coat It said...

Baaahaha. They really aren't very manly awards are they! We will have to do something about that I think.

Thanks for supporting Dean at daybydaybydean.blogspot.com - A bit of male company on his blog would be awesome! lol.

Chrissy said...

Dang!, u do blog alot!. lol... I've seen u around also... Nice page and glad u survived being a first grade teach!... Try teaching a K-1, my gf did and I was an aide in her class... Bless her heart!...

Lisa said...

I especially like 5C -- yeah!

Cute and interesting post. Thanks for sharing your favorite snacks, but you can keep 'em! :O)

Mary said...

the only reason I'm not mad about the Dukes of Hazzard is b/c I didn't have to pay to see it...but that is 90 minutes of my life forever wasted.

Queenie Jeannie said...

I'm with you on the Girl Scout cookie thing!!

Pedaling said...

you'd think with the back waxing and all, the wife wouldn't reject the kissing. ;)

i like tags sometimes, even now!

ASBLACKASOBAMA said...

My wife and I have just recently started watching the Office,and we love it!

I watched the British (original) Office when it came out, and now Ricky Gervais can do no wrong in my book.... Have you seen 'Extras'?

I got my mother in law a Baconnaise gift set for Christmas this year.... It came with bacon flavoredlip balm.