Wednesday, March 31, 2010

A Q&A with the Cheeseboy ("Q&A" stands for "Question and Answers". I know this because I looked it up)

I will often get emails from across the land regarding the mysterious man known only as "Cheeseboy". I've given a few much thought in the ways of thinking and such and have thus decided to answer a few on this day.

From Beatrice Junnison of Harlotton Township, Georgia:

Q: Who are some of your life heroes?

A: Well, of course there is Ricky Martin and Clay Aiken for having the courage to announce what we all knew ten years ago.

But really, I'd say the first guy that ever put in contact lenses has to be my number 1 hero. Back then, the contacts were made of actual glass. What if someone handed you a small piece of glass and told you to stick it in your eye because it would make you see better; and no one else had tried it?

To me, that is the very definition of "hero". My hats off to you, Mr. First Contact Lense Man.

From Sherman Hopeswattle of Heartyback, Virginia:
Q: Which celebrity male does your wife find most attractive?

A: I am a little perturbed at your line of questioning, Mr. Hopeswattle. In fact, your overly personal inquiry has me wanting to hunt you down with my John Locke knives and... ask your wife that same question. How would it make you feel? My wife's fake love interests are none of your business and I hold them in the highest degree of confidentiality.

However, while we are on the subject, she once told me she found Ben Stiller to be attractive, which actually explains a lot about her attraction to me. Either she has a thing for freakishly hairy, awkward Jewish guys OR she falls for the funny man. I have a feeling it is actually a combination of both.

However, this theory does not explain her other celebrity crush, Patrick Swayze. He was neither funny, hairy or Jewish. What did that guy have going for him anyway?

I've got it! My wife falls for men that are: 1. freakishly hairy, awkward Jewish guys OR 2. funny men OR 3. guys that can dance. I am a wickedly whimsical dancer. (I'm sort of a combination of Usher and 'The Nard Dog'. Definitely more of the Andy Bernard than Usher though)

From Shaunita Sloppingpants of Carney, California:
Q: How do you stay in such great shape?

A: I mix up my routine. Besides jogging, I do a lot of kegels while I watch tv. ("Kegels" is when you sit on the couch and flex your back while you watch TV, right? Dang, I started watching that Dr. Oz at just a minute or two too late)

Besides the jogging and the daily kegels, I also stay limber by daily light saber fights with my First Graders and swinging on the rope in the gym.

As far as my diet goes, I am able to maintain my stomach mass by supplementing water with large amounts of Pepsi and Mt. Dew. I also sit almost constantly on my couch, which really works the buttocks. So between the kegels and the buttock sitting, I could probably almost cut out the jogging all together.

From Kelvin H. Samhawer of Franklin, Idaho:
Q: Is that cartoon man in your header an exact likeness of you?

A: Why yes, yes it is. I look exactly like that.

Now if you will excuse me, I need to get back to my kegel exercises. Remarkably, I find that they also do wonders for my dancing!

16 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I always pictured you looking more like a combination of Carrot Top. Mickey Rourke, and Donald Trump. So hot, I mean.

tammy said...

LOL.

Seriously. Laughing.

Sounds like your wife and I have the same taste in men. How does she feel about Ryan Reynolds?

imbeingheldhostage said...

First time ever that I rated a post. I had to. LM(on the couch more than yours)BO.

My husband would NOT let me name any of our kids after Liam Neeson, so I fooled him, I never told him that I thought Aidan Quinn was sexy.

Tammy said...

Good point about the contact lens man! Without him I'd still be walking around blind.

Patrick Swayze was sexy in the 80's! I'm surprised Cathi thought he was cute though because she would have been about 5 when he was "Dirty Dancing"!

Noelle said...

You're pretty funny cheeseboy!

Melinda said...

Those were all made up people weren't they?! ADMIT IT!

Except for that Hopeswattle guy, I'm sure I've met him...

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

Oy, now I understand why my tuchas is rock solid.
You are one silly kosher Cheeseboy.
Cheers,
Robyn

tarynn said...

Ricky Martin is gay? I did not know that!

Alicia said...

nard dog....**snort**...amazing. and patrick swayze was the man!! hot! didn't you ever see him in the trucker movie black dog? google it.

Cheeseboy said...

@ Kristina - HA HA! (Who is Mickey Rourke?)

@ Tammy - SO FUNNY that you should say that! My wife rarely tells me that men are attractive, but she has told me that about Ryan Reynolds and she thinks he's hilarious (which is true). I am pretty sure she even thought he was hot when he was fat in 'Just Friends'.

@ Hostage - Liam? Really? Has to be his voice.

@ Tammy2 - Yeah, she probably was really young when that movie came out, but I know she loved it growing up. I bought it on DVD for her for her birthday about 10 years ago and she has watched it a total of zero times.

@ Noelle - Thanks!

@ Melinda - The names were changed to protect the innocent.

@ Rawkn- Ha! Thanks.

@ Tarynn - I'll have to check my source.

@ Alecia - Given the fact that Ed Helms is one of my favorite actors/comedians, I SHOULD have seen that movie. I will definitely check it out.

FluffyChicky said...

I'm going to take up Kegels now. That is my kind of exercise!

Babe in Boysland said...

Kegels are for your back? I was always told they were exercises for pregnant ladies to strengthen their "baby pushing" parts. You don't have those... do you?

Pedaling said...

kegles will not only help your posture but will keep your pants dry when you are over 40 and sneeze.

love that contact lens guy....so glad he has finally been properly declared a hero!

Lindzena said...

Ok this made me laugh. Thanks for the comment man! I'll keep up on your blog, pretty great thing goin here. :)

Sco said...

Q: Any way we can view footage of the dancing? 'Nard dog + Usher = fan-freakin-tastic

Bumpkin on a Swing said...

Your wife is certainly a lucky lady. Captain John says they're no good male bloggers out there, can't wait to introduce him to you. I haven't laughed this hard while blogging in a while. Oh and by the way, you ready for that dumpster, you have a new follower, and I'm gonna tell my friends about you, so it's on now!
Greetings from The Mississippi Gulf Coast, I am Lisa aka The Bumpkin.