According to the movies, I have many options for my time traveling needs. In fact, this weekend I have been given the new, intriguing method of... the hot tub!
"Hot Tub Time Machine!" Interested? Raise your hand... That's what I thought. Nobody. Except those perverted 15 year old boys in the corner. Put your hands down boys - you are NOT getting into the theater.
Now "Snakes on a Plane" was an awful movie title, but "Hot Tub Time Machine"?! That takes the cake. And by "takes the cake" I mean a hot tub went back in time and STOLE some cake! Stupid hot tubs and their time travel) Now, combine the two movies and you have "Snakes in a Hot Tub Time Machine". Now there's something that I would want to sink my teeth into. (Not literally as hot tubs are generally made of some sort of very hard fiberglass stuff)
ANYWAY, in honor of this future Oscar nominated movie (most likely "Best Screenplay", but perhaps "Best Actor" for John Cusack), I give you the pros and cons of various Hollywood time travel... just in case you were considering taking a trip.
The Deloreon (Back to the Future)
1. Comfortable leather seating.
2. AM/FM Radio
3. Amazing breakaway speed from terrorists in black vans.
1. Tires catch on fire very easily.
2. Bruises from hitting your head on those fold-out doors.
3. Fuel is very expensive and hard to find.
The Phone Booth (Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure)
1. Built in phone.
2. New phone booth scent is delightful.
3. Tall ceilings.
1. Phone costs coins.
2. There are no phone booths anymore.
3. Booth sometimes has a draft.
Being stuck on a time traveling island. (Lost)
1. Beautiful views.
2. Great beachfront property.
3. Kate wears tank tops a lot.
1. Bloody noses.
2. Brain hemorrhages.
3. Hurley eats all the food.
Having a gene that makes you time travel. (The Time Traveler's Wife)
1. You are beloved by housewives everywhere.
2. You get to kiss your wife at different stages of her life.
3. You know when you are going to die.
1. You are despised by husbands everywhere.
2. Every time you time travel, you end up naked.
3. It is very creepy when you time travel to visit your future wife when she is 7.
The Hot Tub Time Machine
1. It's hot.
1. You have no idea who used the hot tub last.
2. Floating used band-aides.
3. Chevy Chase is in the hot tub with you.