Sunday, March 21, 2010

Time traveling has so many choices nowadays. But, I may just have to go with the hot tub.

According to the movies, I have many options for my time traveling needs. In fact, this weekend I have been given the new, intriguing method of... the hot tub!

"Hot Tub Time Machine!" Interested? Raise your hand... That's what I thought. Nobody. Except those perverted 15 year old boys in the corner. Put your hands down boys - you are NOT getting into the theater.

Now "Snakes on a Plane" was an awful movie title, but "Hot Tub Time Machine"?! That takes the cake. And by "takes the cake" I mean a hot tub went back in time and STOLE some cake! Stupid hot tubs and their time travel)
Now, combine the two movies and you have "Snakes in a Hot Tub Time Machine". Now there's something that I would want to sink my teeth into. (Not literally as hot tubs are generally made of some sort of very hard fiberglass stuff)

ANYWAY, in honor of this future Oscar nominated movie (most likely "Best Screenplay", but perhaps "Best Actor" for John Cusack), I give you the pros and cons of various Hollywood time travel... just in case you were considering taking a trip.

The Deloreon (Back to the Future)

1. Comfortable leather seating.
2. AM/FM Radio
3. Amazing breakaway speed from terrorists in black vans.

1. Tires catch on fire very easily.
2. Bruises from hitting your head on those fold-out doors.
3. Fuel is very expensive and hard to find.

The Phone Booth (Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure)

1. Built in phone.
2. New phone booth scent is delightful.
3. Tall ceilings.

1. Phone costs coins.
2. There are no phone booths anymore.
3. Booth sometimes has a draft.

Being stuck on a time traveling island. (Lost)

1. Beautiful views.
2. Great beachfront property.
3. Kate wears tank tops a lot.

1. Bloody noses.
2. Brain hemorrhages.
3. Hurley eats all the food.

Having a gene that makes you time travel. (The Time Traveler's Wife)

1. You are beloved by housewives everywhere.
2. You get to kiss your wife at different stages of her life.
3. You know when you are going to die.

1. You are despised by husbands everywhere.
2. Every time you time travel, you end up naked.
3. It is very creepy when you time travel to visit your future wife when she is 7.

The Hot Tub Time Machine

1. It's hot.
2. Bubbles
3. Jets

1. You have no idea who used the hot tub last.
2. Floating used band-aides.
3. Chevy Chase is in the hot tub with you.


Beth said...

You, my friend, crack me up! But as a LOST aficionado, I am appalled that you didn't list the Smoke Monster or Flocke (Fake Locke) as cons!

Cheeseboy said...

Dang Beth... good old Flocke didn't cross my mind. Just Kate and her tank tops.

Sco said...

I used to enjoy hottubs until my wife became trained to check their chemical levels. So my vote is for the DeLorean, although tank tops almost swayed me.

Vanessa said...

Is it lame that I can quote lines from Back to the Future and Bill and Ted's?

And is it even lamer, that my husband and I pondered going to see the Hot Tub Time Machine??

Poor John Cusack. He must be needing some cash.

tammy said...

I was in the hot tub this weekend and didn't get to go anywhere. I feel so gypped.

Dave said...

I would prefer to do my time traveling in Doc's locomotive seen at the end of Back to the Future III. Not only is it more luxurious than a DeLorean, it is more eco-friendly as well.

Lori said...

It's Mike, Delorean's have to be one of the most butt ugly cars ever built. I put them with the likes of Pacer's, Pinto's, Gremlin's and Vega's. Sad to say all American built vehicles in the 70's. A very bad decade, other than the music and I was born!

Cheeseboy said...

@ Scott - I'm with you 100%.

@ Venesa - The fact that you can do such makes you somewhat of a domestic goddess, I think.

@ Tammy - There must be a button. did you try the button next to the jets?

@ Dave - Forgot about the locomotive! Was it a steam powered train? I get hives around steam. I take mostly cold showers.

@ Lori/Mike - Perhaps, but tell that to Doc!

NerdyRedneck Rob said...

and your cake wil lget soggy in the hot tub when you try to bring it back.