I am so chapped right now.

I'm really chapped. I rarely get chappy, but my chap level has risen today. Too much work and school will really chap someone as it has chapped me. I'm so chapped, my lip balm is down to the round, smooth nub. I am so chapped I've was asked to chap-erone and was told I was too chappy. I am so chapped, I have 78 chap-ters left of my chap. I am one chapped sonofagun.

My Grandfather was a Chaplain and he was never as chapped as I am now. True story.

Here are some real chapped folks that are just slightly less chapped than I am today:

5. Kenny Rogers - Here is one chappy dude; gamblers are always chappy. Most people don't know this about Kenny - he's got the temper of a greasy, hot chicken wing; extra crispy. He is one chappy juggernaut that rules the country music world with a chapped, tight fist. Kenny, you think you are chapped? Think again.










4. Skeletor - Here's a frustrating case of chappiness. This dude has everything to live for: a crew of bros, a castle, a freaky live-in lady-friend, a six pack an skeleton would be proud of. Yet, here he is, chapped like he just went on a hike in the desert. What is his problem? Why so chapped? Skeletor... chap the heck down!







3. Paris Hilton - She is actually just temporarily chapped due to another recent nasty outbreak of Herpes.













2. Dick Nourse - Dick was a chapped legend. A legend of chap. Sure, he was pleasant enough when the cameras were on, but we all know that was just a show. Dick knew how to dive into a vial so full of chap, he would not surface until hours later with yellow eyes and cold breath.











1. The Grumpy Old Troll that Lives Under the Bridge - It matters not who visits the bridge: Dora, Boots, even Cousin Diego - the Grumpy Old Troll could never rid himself of chap. No matter the situation, his tone is always filled with mistrust and chap. The Troll has even established a unique and creative Troll jingle that he sings upon the arrival of others at his bridge. Despite of having so much to live for (especially the Troll jingle), he continues to push his drab brand of negativity and chap on the world. Grumpy Old Troll - time for you to chipper up and chapper down!

There you have it... a rundown of chapped people that are slightly less chapped than me. I just need a couple days off to un-chap; to de-chap-asize.