Thursday, March 26, 2009

Kids just don't eat their bread crusts nowadays - expect an outbreak of blindness soon!

When I was a kid, I remember my mom frequently telling me,"DON'T STAND SO CLOSE TO THE TV - YOU'LL GO BLIND!"  Of course, I was not worried because she also told me that if I ate my bread crust, I would never go blind.  I figured that if I sat too close to the TV and then ate enough bread crust, I would be perfectly fine.  It all made perfect sense.

I'm a bit concerned though.  My two little runts don't eat a single shred of bread crust and they both love to stand inches away from the TV.   Both of them will often become transfixed by the TV, spellbound by the moving pictures.  Each time we have witnessed this occurrence, it is like an alien suckerfish molded through our ceiling and slurped out their brains.  There they stand, head lifted, mouth open, eyes unblinking, drool dripping - mindlessly engulfed in Spongebob, Dora or whatever moony, doltish program may be on at the time.  

What is most mind-boggling is that I will sometimes even catch them in a tubed-up, standing trance while watching something completely out of the norm; something like an infomercial or a Hannah Montana music video. I then become my mother.  "YOU ARE STANDING WAY TOO CLOSE TO THE TV!" I find myself calling out, time and time again.  Only this time I add, "YOU ARE STANDING WAY TOO CLOSE TO THE TV AND YOU WILL NEVER EAT ANY BREAD CRUST!"  Maybe I worry too much.
Of course, we all know that other things we do as children cause blindness: looking at the sun, not eating carrots, looking at Playboys, sticking a pointed stick in your eye.  Yet, here we are, a million plus Generation X'ers, and the only blind one amongst us seems to be a semi-talented guy on American Idol.  Either these are just myths or we ate more bread crusts than we thought.
By the way, my Grandma also told me that eating bread crust would also make my hair go curly.  I know this is definitely true because the more I ate bread crust growing up, the curlier my chest hair got.  Now it's like a Little Orphan Annie donated to "Locks of Love" and the recipient was my chest.


sacdaddy said...

As for watching wierd stuff, our 4 year old woke up early on a Saturday and came in the bedroom. We told him to go watch TV so we could keep sleeping. He came back about 20 minutes later thrilled. "Mom! Dad! You've got to see this, it's sooo sweeeet! They're sanitizing stuff!"

He'd flipped on an infomercial and loved it.

(I always ate my bread crust and I don't have a curl on me. But at least I'm not blind.)

Tammy said...

I'm blind. I don't eat crust. I might have stood too close to the TV. I have looked at the sun. I've eaten so many carrots my skin turned orange and I thought I had a heart problem. Hope your kid survive!

Ike said...

Did you stage these pictures?

Cheeseboy said...

Steve, that is funny. Sanitizing!

Ike - I have to admit staging Lincoln, but Calder was all natural.

Lori said...

Ryan is our infomercial lover. He's asked me to buy the snugglie, the "shark", the carpet slider things...the list could go on and on!

That picture of Calder is hilarious standing so close to the TV just staring up at it! :)

Tammy said...

Lor - Nathan is my infomercial lover too! How do you think we ended up with the "shark"!? And I have to keep hearing all the things it can pick up like screws. Who vacuums up their screws???