Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Cease To Exist Order: Television Edition

I have been watching way too much TV lately. I have thus become annoyed by quite a few things I have witnessed. I therefore issue a Cease to Exist order for the following TV things:
1. Standing ovations on American Idol. Look, I know that you waited 8 months for your tickets to arrive, you have a huge crush (men and women) on Seacrest and the dorky singer just sang your favorite Kerry Underwood song, but do you really need to give a standing ovation for every performer? It makes you look like a pathetic audience. Which reminds me...
2. Booing every time an American Idol judge says anything remotely negative about any performer. They are called "judges" for a reason. They're not called "say nice things about every sucky singer people". I swear, they could put a bearded women in a swimsuit on stage, Simon would say, "I'm not all that thrilled with the beard", and the entire audience would break out in a chorus of boos.
3. Product placement on The Biggest Loser. This one has become more than annoying. Does Extra Sugar Free Gum really stop every craving? And apparently it HAS to be Extra Sugar Free. Trident just doesn't have the flavor crystals to battle the craving bug. And how much money is Subway giving NBC to have the contestants walk to one of their stores 4-5 times a season. Oh, and how can I forget how much better a choice Dannon yogurt is than ice cream. Um, riiiight... whatever Jillian says goes I guess.
4. "Sportscasters" that can't stop talking. Example: Just seconds after the Utes matchup with Arizona was announced, the two talking suits on CBS proclaimed that Arizona would pull off the upset. Really? In the 8 seconds since the matchup was made you have had time to think through the matchups and declare Arizona the winner? 8 seconds. And tell me, how many times have you seen the Utes play? That's right...once, maybe, just maybe twice.
5. The Bachelor. I'm sorry, this show has to end - and soon. Our country's women are getting progressively dumber because of this show.
6. Any show with "Kardashian" in the title. Also: any show with a Kardashian in it, a Kardashian that guests stars, a Kardashian that produces it, a Kardashian that watches it.
7. DJ Lance Rock's orange jumpsuit on Yo Gabba Gabba. Lance, it's time to mix things up a little wardrobe wise. How about a neon green jumpsuit or some nice purple velvet pajama pants? You know, something classy.
8. One final thing. I was going to order a Cease to Exist order for Paula Abdul, but honestly what would be the point?


Matthew said...

Not to be a stickler, but I think it is cease and desist...

Cheeseboy said...

Haha Matt! Yeah, I switched it up - on purpose - on purpose. Hey, when I saw you walking the other day you were looking VERY trim. Not that I was checking you out or anything.

Ike said...

I agree 100% about not just the American Idol judges, but the Extra gum placement is SO IRRITATING!

Jana said she saw a commercial with Jack Black dressed up as DJ Lance for an upcoming episode of Gabba Gabba? I never thought I'd say this about that show, but I can't wait.

Tammy said...

I agree with everything you said except ceasing "The Bachelor" which is one I watch regularly :)

Lindsey V said...

Are you saying that the Late Show with Jimmy Fallon should go? Cause the Kardashians were on it last night. Not that I'm saying he shouldn't go. It's still too early to tell how the show will do. And I haven't watched it all that much anyway.

I saw a DJ Lance hat for sale at Target the other day... and I wanted to buy it. I can't wait for the Jack Black episode either.

brermomo said...

OK, I just ff AI and watched the two hour show in 33 minutes.
I just finished fast forwarding through the AI show.

Here are my comments:

Michael--Boring, and another black ball for you because it looks like you are a fan of country.
Allison--Amazing for a 13 year old. Sounds like she's about 30. Did well.
Kris--Good job. Odd thing, the judges liked a lyrical song for a change. What's up?
Lil--Too confrontational. Stop talking to the judges...but they love screamers, so you'll probably go far.
Adam--I'm prejudiced against you because you are so annoying, but you were courageous to try that arrangement. GREAT!
Scott--You're good, but you're not that good. You're getting the pity vote.
Alexis--You'll be dirty next week. Hmmm.
Danny--Jesus, Take the Wheel--it's too hard to judge a hideous song like that.
Anoop--What a great job. Beautiful!
Matt--Christine will vouche for this, but I picked this guy the weeks ago, the first time I heard him.
Megan--I can't believe she made it to the top 40. She looks like she has a few tapeworms in her body, lurching about. Though, she is very beautiful.

Why, by the way, do they have all these professional people singing. Nearly all of them have sung in clubs, on the stage, etc. I thought it was a contest to choose a nobody. Oh well.

Now, for the judges----I fast forward every time Kara opens her mouth. I listen for one second to Paula and then fast forward. Randy and Simon have constructive and interesting things to say. I usually agree with them, except for Simon's assessment of Adam this week. Ha!

Cheeseboy said...

Lindsay V - I have not yet seen Fallon's show yet. I like Fallon, but if he had a Kardashian on, it can't be a good sign.

I saw that Jack Black was going to be on... let's hope that it goes much better than his appearance on The Office, which was just awful.

Aunt Margaret... you continue to surprise me. You, of all people know way too much about Idol. A couple of things: 1. I HATE COUNTRY (but my wife likes it) 2.I agree about Scott - if he were not blind, he would be looooong gone. 3. Anoop was the biggest surprise for me... I was so expecting one of his over the top corny performances. 4. Megan - I am surprised that the judges haven't said anything about her movement. So strange. And she might be the best looking Idol contestant of all time, but that tatoo is just too much. I don't mind a little tatoo here and there, but that full arm thing is just gross. Thanks for the insigts, perhaps we here at the Blog O' Cheese could hire you as a resident Idol writer?

Lori said...

Is Idol still on? Are people really watching? Does Ryan Secrist still get gay comments from Simon? Do people still stand up and applause after every song? :) Is Randy Jackson still FAT? Is Simon still wearing black shirts? Is there an extra judge? Again, are people still watching? Is it on the WB network now? Are people REALLY still watching this show? Does Barack Obama watch the show? Is he really our President still? Is our Country going to hell in a hand basket? Is the second coming this summer? Should I move to the hills? Am I going to be taxed to oblivion these next three years? YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Cheeseboy said...

Mike, I sense a lot of angst in your tone towards American Idol. Might I suggest you watch French Idol? That one might really be on the WB.

Traci said...

Spencer can't stand to watch any Utah games with my dad because my dad is convinced that every national sports commentator is prejudiced against the U. And he goes on and on and on about it analyzing every comment the whole game. Spencer hates it. But I force him to watch sports with my dad so we can be invited over to my parents house for free pizza (or KFC or whatever free meal is offered.)

Cheeseboy said...

Ha ha Tracey! I have an idea for Spencer - turn down the volume on the TV and turn on AM700 - Utah's feed for the game. No way can your dad feel that they are biased against the U. Still, I wouldn't want to give up the free KFC either.

sacdaddy said...

Serious AI discussion on the Blog O'Cheese? Wtf?

Gardner said...

First of all I agree with everything you said, I just don't know how to say those things. Second of all it's Carrie not Kerry. Simon can say something postive and people still boo because I don't think anyone is really paying attention. (He is the only one I ever listen too. At least he is honest.) OH and I have have lost lots of weight by chewing sugar free extra gum!!!!1

gretta said...

you should ad a check box for crazy funny, especially for the DJ lance comment.

Cheeseboy said...

Yeah Steve, sorry. Gretta, you're right. I've been thinking of adding a box that says "bitchen!" but I am not sure how that will go over. You're idea is good too. And Mel - I too chew the sugar free at times, but you are fortunate that it has helped you lose weight. All it has done for me is make me crave gum with sugar in it.

Cheeseboy said...

Aunt Margaret - One other thing - I agree 100% - That "Jesus take the wheel" song may be one of the corniest, awful songs ever written.