Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Don't Trust These People!

There are some people with jobs that I just don't trust. Sure, I know what your thinking; the usual politicians, lawyers, car salesmen and the like. Yeah, yeah, those folks are not to be trusted - but I am thinking more about those with more obscure occupations. Let me give you a few examples:

1. The crazy lady that watches the kids in the babysitting area at Smith's Marketplace. This is what I know about this lady: she's wearing an apron that is way too small for her. This is what I do not know about this lady: How many warrants she has out for her arrest.
Sure, take my kid lady... I just have to buy some pants and a spatula. Be back in a jiffy!

2. The old guy at Mr. Mac. Apparently, if you have a measuring tape in your hand you are allowed to touch me in whatever way necessary to ensure a nice pant fit. You would think that after all these years these guys would be able to eyeball it. Although the thought of some old guy "eyeballing" me may actually be more creepy.

3. The lady that puts my luggage on that moving belt at the airport. That's my stuff and now it's gone. She put a tag on it, but the tag just has those coupon lines on it. I don't trust this lady. She took my stuff and labeled it with a glorified coupon. I'll never see that stuff again.

4. The gal that seats us at a busy restaurant. Nobody trusts these girls. Are they really seating people in the order that they came? I know we have these round buzzers in our hand that they gave us when we came in, but aren't they the ones that push the buzzer buttons? Do these girls have some sort of vendetta against me and that is why the couple that clearly came in after us went ahead of us? Did I do something to offend this girl when I walked through the door? Have I asked her about our table one too many times. I hate that smug look on her face, like she owns the place.
No 17 year old girl with sparkly lip gloss should ever have this much power in life.

5. Jared Fogle Yeah right Jared. An all sandwich diet, ahem. Who would have known - all it took was wheat instead of white and 6 inches instead of a foot long?! It took Jared and his bag of lies to come along and show us how Subway can make us live longer. I don't trust you Jared. I don't trust you one bit. I bet your old job was taking luggage at airports.

*Editors note: Unless Jared shows up at the Subway I am eating at, I will still enjoy a nice Spicy Italian.


Tammy said...

Hmm Abe. I never thought about #3 but if I ever fly again I will now wonder if she's really loading my luggage!

Lori said...

Hey, you forgot to put the ex-con, door to door magazine salesmen on the list! Oh, and don't forget the "alarm salesmen" who come by to see if you have one or not...sure, they just want to give you a quote but have to look around first!