Tuesday, April 8, 2008

My Grandma, the comedian.


For those that know my Grandma, you know she is a very funny lady.  Sometimes she means to be, most times not.  At any rate, she is very funny.  Here are some great lines she has laid down.  (Feel free to add to this list in the comments.)
  • While waiting for a table at PF Changs, I had one of those buzzers they give you to let you know your table is ready.  She says to me, "Abe, don't put that in your pocket, it might turn you on."
  • While driving through Yellowstone, Grandma sees an old buffalo in a field by itself.  She announces, "that buffalo has lost it's manhood."    What the hell???
  • Speaking of buffalo, how could we forget the time driving through Yellowstone, she tells us that she will give us each a nickel for every buffalo we see.  We drive over a hill to find a herd of at least 1200.
  • While in Northern California we are looking for farm fresh artichokes.  We drive by a stand that says "artichokes - 4 for a dollar".  About five minutes later, we drive by another stand that says "artichokes - 25cents each".  Grandma says, "What a rip off, that last stand was 4 for a dollar!"
  • Do not let your kids read this one!  While driving home a couple months ago, we could smell the Great Salt Lake.  She tells us that she use to love to go swimming in it.  Then she says, "I loved to swim in it, but the worst was getting all that salt in your vagina!!" GROSS GRANDMA!
I know there are so many more I can't think of.  Like I said, feel free to add to the list.  I love my Grandma. She will be having surgery soon.  I pray that she will do well and wish her the best.  

7 comments:

tim & brandi said...

I'm pretty sure that we're talking about the grandma that we share. She's a classic. The first thoughts that come to my mind is her recent inability to get names straight. Referring to Ike's boy Lucas as Lucifer and my wife Brandi as Whiskey. I'll have to think some more.

Cheeseboy said...

Of course it is the Grandma we share good buddy! Good thinking about the names. Let us not forget "Mortor" for "Mason"

Esther said...

What about the time we were playing the game Outburst and Grandpa had to "impersonate" a "Hormone" without saying that he was impersonating a hormone.
Grandpa did his best "Ooh Baby! Oh baby!" He said. Grandma had to guess what he was. She guessed he was "horny".

The Yospe's said...

"First place you've ever made whoopie?" Elaine, "The Porch Swing on my parents porch" (From our Cruise newly weds show, grandma didn't know what whoopie meant and thought it meant kiss).

Yospe Family said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Yospe Family said...

Grandma is really a clean freak. (to clarify, she is not a freak she is a clean freak), she just really likes to have things in order. When we were little I remember she stayed at our house with us while mom and dad were out of town. Abe had some friends over and wanted to test her...so he threw a wrapper out of his bedroom door into the hallway and he and his friends timed how long it would be before she picked it up and asked them who was throwing wrappers on the ground...I think it was less than two minutes.

On the cruise's newlywed game grandma was asked what bothered her the most about grandpa. The thing that my grandpa did that bothered her the most was that he left his shoes on the floor by their bed-- ??

Her Tooele talk is pretty funny. She always calls the vaccuum a sweeper and says that "she is goin to put the sweeper on", instead of vaccuum. Lunch is dinner and dinner is supper...

Just watch her try to give someone directions and you will laugh. She points, assuming that you would be headed the same direction as her in her mind.

The other day Heather and I were driving her home from Sunday dinner and Heather casually mentioned how tired we were. To which we are pretty sure she responded, "well then I hope you guys aren't planning on having any sex tonight"...

Just a few things that came to mind.

Heather and Jake said...

Ok, to CLARIFY that last little bit from Jake's novel comment...I told Grandma about a dream I had had about snakes. So then a couple minutes later when I said I was tired, that's when she said "well I hope there's not gonna be any snakes tonight" But we could have sworn she said sex, so we both had a good giggle. Earlier, the topic of breastfeeding had come up in the convo, so you just never know where things are going to go!