Monday, May 30, 2011

Four Overly P.C. Parents of First Graders

Dear Principal,

It has come to my attention that a first grade teacher at your school is having the students sit on the floor "Indian style".  I'll have you know that my child is 1/16 Cherokee Indian and I find this deeply offensive.

Further, I'd like to point out that it is a complete misnomer that American Indians sit with their legs crossed all the time.  Look, they have chairs just like everyone else. (Yes, occasionally they do sit with their legs crossed on the chair, but that is generally the exception, not the rule.)

I implore you to require this teacher to stop using this horrifically offensive phrase. I'd never ask children to sit "White Man Style"! (Sitting like you are watching a NASCAR race while eating mayonnaise with a Hooters waitress in your lap.)

Thank you for your time,

Beatrice Footinmouth
1/8 Cherokee Indian
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Dear Principal,

It has come to my attention that a teacher at your school has recently replaced the phrase "Indian style" with "Crisscross Applesauce".  I would like to voice my concern regarding this issue.

My name is Chris Kelley and I was one half of the 90's rap duo "Kriss Kross".  My daughter is now in the class that this phrase is being used.  I have to say that I am deeply hurt and offended by this.  During our band's heyday, we never once sat on stage with our legs folded.  That would have made for a very awkward moment.

I would appreciate it if you spoke with this teacher and told her to stop using this offensive language.

Thanks,

Chris Kelley
Jumper

PS: I would also like to express my dissatisfaction with the removal of "backwards clothes day" from the school  calendar.
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Dear Principal,

My son recently came home from school and told me that his teacher asked him to sit "Crisscross Applesauce" on the floor.

My name is Dale Mott, owner of Mott's Applesauce and I can assure you that we did NOT intend our applesauce to be spread on the floor and sat in by a bunch of children. I presume that you will remedy this situation.

As a thank you, I have included a free sample of our sauce.

Thank you,

Dale Mott
Owner, Mott's Applesauce
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Dear Principal,

My name is Gerald Smartington, CEO of "Frankleton's Pocketless Pants".

In the last couple weeks, my daughter has come home from school complaining of her teacher asking her to "sit on your pockets".  I'll have you know that my daughter does not own a single pair of pants with pockets on them.

I am deeply offended by the use of this phrase. What ever happened to sitting "Indian Style" or "Crisscross Applesauce"?!  I think you will find that as our business booms more and more of your students will not have pockets on their jeans.

Unless you remedy this problem, I will have my lawyers look into what can be done.

Thank you for your time.

Gerald Smartington
CEO, Frankleton's Pocketless Pants

62 comments:

Lost.in.Idaho said...

What's sad is, there are really people like this.

I should know, I lived in california for the first 29 years of my life...

Shell said...

LMAO!!! Someone will always find something to complain about!

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

You are really in the funny zone, Cheeseboy. This is hilarious.
When I first heard the term "criss cross applesauce", I thought it was cute and confusing. You're getting good mileage out of it.
xoRobyn

Vodka Logic said...

Please please tell me you are kidding!! or I will be deeply offended that I am of the same race as they are.

1/16 American Indian.. oh brother

Karen said...

Dude, you make me smile when I need it. Haven't visited your blog in a bit, I should be smacked with a wet noodle. I promise to do better, lol.

Great post.

Keetha Broyles said...

'Twould be right funny if it weren't so true in our times - - -

Cluttered Brain said...

At first I thought that the parents were complaining about what youw ere sayin.
BWahahaha. Love this.
You have made me crack up this Memorial Day. All I had was a picture of me when i was a Senior....
Being PC is so overrated.
I'm sitting Indian style right now.
So there.

Susan in the Boonies said...

I am deeply offended that you are singling out parents of first graders, as if they are the only parents to get offended. I find it offensive that the other offended parents are being ignored as if they themselves were incapable of giving and receiving offense. Take that!

Leiah said...

Too funny! It's like they say - some people would b*tch even if you hung them with a new rope.

Amanda said...

I would laugh (okay, I am laughing), but seriously, this isn't much of an exaggeration!

There are SO very many reasons why I'm now a glorified secretary. I remember one parent/ teacher conference we had (I taught 7th grade English) and the mother brought her son's former kindergarten teacher with her. This former kindergarten teacher proceeded to grill us all on teaching methods:

"Did you write down the assignment?"
"Did you model the assignment for him?"
"How would he know the assignment was for today?"

Answers:
1 - Yes. Daily.
2 - Yes. Daily.
3 - Because it's the 104th day of a 180 day school year and I've been writing the daily assignments in the same place the entire year, with the day and the date included. And I read the assignment to them, while pointing out all the words as I read them.

Yep, lots and LOTS of reasons! Not that I'm scarred for life or anything...

NerdyRedneck Rob said...

Wow! I have a feeling the first one is true.

Either way, brilliant post! {applause}

Shelby Fox said...

It would suck being a principle...treading the line between politically correct speech and regular English all friggin day.

Joan said...

LOL!!!

I know my boss has to wade through so much ridiculous stuff. I would never want her job!

laughingmom said...

It looks like the children in that picture have been asked to not only sit "indian style" but also to say "cheese." As the parent of a lactose intolerant child, please change this to some word that will not cause gastric distress such as "soy".
Thanks,
Lou C. Bowels

Brittney said...

hahaa people will find anything to argue about

♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥ said...

You can't say soy either, my thyroid would be offended.

If a parent hasn't heard these phrases you mentioned before, they must have been living under a rock. I hate when people have to be overly PC. I guess I have to accept that in America, PC will exist to some extent no matter what we do, but some people take it WAY too far.

mintifresh said...

Dear Principal-

I am offended that your first grade teacher makes his class do a boy line and a girl line. My child does not yet know it's gender and this is very confusing for River.

ajh said...

I think all these parents moved to your class from mine.

Becca @ Our Crazy Boys said...

Hahaha!!! Love it!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I'd laugh, but those could be real letters.

Pedaling said...

the white man style comment...so funny.

The Church Lady said...

I would like to see the principal's response letters and how he plans to remedy this situation. Poor guy/gal.

Unknown Mami said...

This post just kept getting better and better.

Kris Kross will make you jump, jump!

Kelly said...

Why don't we just tell the kids to sit on their buts. Too offensive? I can come up with worse...

Tom said...

Those are all great. Whatever you choose to call that position, I can only do it for about 30 seconds before I experience rigor mortis. It would be nice to be a limber little kid again.

"Miss Bee" said...

Oh, parents. Gotta love them.

Teachinfourth said...

But without parents, there'd be no kids...take the good with the bad, Abester.

P.S. Kriss Kross is wiggida wiggida wiggida whack!

From Tracie said...

LMAO!! This is just so good!

Cathy Webster (Olliffe) said...

You could just say, "Put yer asses on the floor and shaddup."

Jenn said...

Gosh, it must be hard to be a first grade teacher... Wait a second. I think I work with those parents!!!

baygirl32 said...

can't please some people :)

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

I love this post! What's sad though is that it's probably not too much of an exaggeration. Parents these days ...

Nikki said...

LOL! My kids looked at me like I was nuts when I asked them to sit "Indian Style." They had no idea what it was after being taught "Criss-cross applesauce" last year. ha!

TesoriTrovati said...

Brilliant.

I had a roommate we shall name Wendy*. Wendy spent a lot of time in her bedroom watching her food go round and round in her microwave on her desk. Because a microwave is the perfect paperweight.

Wendy wrote an actual letter to the Hershey's Corporation complaining that in the bag of Hershey Kisses that she inhaled, er consumed, that three of the kisses had paper strings that were twice as long as the others, and 5 of them had no strings whatsoever.

A few weeks later she had a letter from Hershey's apologizing for the 'inconvenience' and a couple coupons for free bags of kisses.

I used to share this true story with my 7th graders when we did the business letter writing lesson as an abuse of the system and a totally inappropriate use of a letter.

But I wonder if they maybe tried it themselves.

Enjoy the day, Cheeseboy!
Erin

* Her actual name is Wendy. Why would I try to protect her supposed innocence?

Kristen My Bookish Fairy Tale said...

OMG are you serious?? that is a little ridiculous honestly. If my son came home from school and said that there would be no way I would be offended. And who cares if they sit with their legs crossed like that? honestly what is wrong with some people. This was hilarious thank you for the laugh! I wish you were teaching my kid :)

NotaSupermom said...

I just tell my kids to park their carcass. No complaints from zombies or vultures yet.

Cheryl said...

See? Now I was just offended that the kids had to sit on the FLOOR. I mean, how dirty is that?

Thanks for the laugh today!

TisforTonya said...

laughing... but uncomfortably... since I was recently volunteering in a first grade classroom where the teacher WAS worried about my near-use of Indian Style... Criss Cross Applesauce it is... or "on your pockets"... at home we just tell them to "park their keisters" and avoid offense to all ethnic groups... (as long as the Keister family doesn't move into the neighborhood we're fine)

Chris Phillips said...

What's sad is I'm impressed by the politeness of the letters. I once got a torn up envelope with a handwritten note telling me that keeping her son in to finish work he didn't do was "unappropriate."

Melinda said...

Hey I'm 1/200th Cherokee!! I am so offended right now...

Hart Johnson said...

*snort* You are too funny. It can go overboard, eh? I am all for truth in advertising (for example Indian giving is really about what the settlers did to the Indians and not the reverse) but sitting style... yeahno...

Isaiah Ketterhagen said...

Your creative writing is fantastic! I can relate as a high school teacher - PC - everything I say and or do is underneath a microscope. I really like how you spun it!!!

Great Post!

Emmy said...

LOL! Too too funny. Yes, I haven't heard it called Indian style since I was little. Poor Mott's-at least they sent a free sample ;)

Kelley said...

This was good, Cheeseboy!! You and I think alike! I love how you turned this whole applesauce/Indian style debate into a post. Ha! REALLY glad that you recognized the pockets on this issue, too. Someone has to remember the pockets people!

su-tang 3000 said...

One of my favorite posts. But maybe that's just because I was such a Kris Kross fan growing up.

Kristen said...

Do the Schneiders of Berlin go to your school too? That must be how you knew not to tell them to "make pretzel legs".

Joann Mannix said...

We can no longer have nerd day during Spirit Week.

When you upset the nerds, it's the end of the politically incorrect rainbow. Nerds became nerds because of people poking fun of them.

Man, I am so sick of not being able to offend anyone. It sucks.

ThreeOldKeys said...

Highly Larious, as always.

Mine isn't a PC comment, but I am reminded that those portable classrooms we used to call Temporaries or Pods are now referred to as Bungalows. or Learning Cottages.

So somewhere a class of kids is sitting with their knees pointing left and right, in a Learning Cottage, while their adult facilitator celebrates the Superstars of the Week, passing out stickers shaped like cupcakes.

Jess said...

I just want to know what number comment I am... lol.. cuz I want my dreams to alll come true!!!! =)

Lisa Loo said...

And the hamster wheel just keeps a turnin'........(of pc nightmares not your writing skills....)

Ally said...

This is too funny. Back in the days, we never would think twice about that.

FourthGradeNothing.com

Pearl said...

:-)

Please remove this post as I was offended.

Pearl

Katie said...

Well, I for one, am offended by the fact that YOU wrote this post and I didn't.

Cheryl said...

Sorry, I can't comment today. I was just sitting Criss Cross Applesauce in my pocketless jeans and can't get upsy-daisy. I am sure that if I tried one of your PC parents would send Daisy over to reprimand me.

Bees With Honey said...

I'm guessing you're just joking about these letters. Ah, the life of a First Grade teacher. I use Criss Cross Applesauce, personally:)

M-Cat said...

What the hell is criss cross applesauce? That's the stupidest thing I ever heard.

It's INDIAN style. Plain and simple. INDIAN style.

The sad thing is, I am guessing there was some kind of stupid letter from some parent that while might not have been exactly like these, at least served as the inspiration for the post.

LOL!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Ha! I could write a few of these myself!

Lourie said...

The bit about the lawyers is a nice touch. haha.

multitaskingmumma said...

This is FANTASTIC!
I'm new here (I have no idea how this can be) sent over from Bruna's and I'm loving it!

I have nothing witty to say because I feel like I've hit the jackpot of Blogs!

Face it tiger!

Mommy Lisa said...

I hope I never do anything goofy like that.

xoxoRASJ said...

You are hilarious! As an educator, I know that while these things sound redonkadink, um... stranger things have happened. Thanks for making me laugh today. It's Father's Day and you know what that means?

Right, my husband is golfing. All day. Eventually, he will come home to nap. And then he will wake up wanting dinner. So. Yeah. Thanks. ;-)

Ava said...

omg this is too funny,thank you, laughing out loud by myself before I go to PC pick up at school(lol)