This Month in Cheeseboy Facebook Status Updates

If you've been a follower of the Blog O' Cheese for a while, you know that on the 16th of each month, I post my very best and funniest Facebook/Twitter status updates for the month.  I hope you do not tire of this tradition as it is a very easy post for me to do.

5-15-11 at 2:09 PM: Birthdays only come around once a year and when I wish someone a happy birthday, I like to make it EXTRA SPECIAL for them! I like to go the extra mile and make them feel as though I truly care about them as a friend. I want my "happy birthday" to stand above the other 100 they receive every day. And this is exactly why I write "happy birthday" on their Facebook wall. 


5-13-11 at 4:17 PM: Happy Birthday Stevie Wonder! (Hope someone reads this to you.


5-12-11 at 11:00 PM: I'm really excited to start our new May family tradition of going into the mountains and planting a pine tree so that in December of 2017 we can go back and cut it down.


5-12:11 at 6:22 PM: I could see the forrest through the trees. Then I walked to the other side and I could see the trees through the forrest. It was at that profound moment that I realized: trees are forest, moron.


5-10-11 at 10:55 PM: I suffer from short term memory loss, paranoia and hypochondria.


5-10-11 at 10:56 PM: WHO WROTE MY LAST POST?! How did they hack into my account?! I'm so scared. And why is there a strange bump on the back of my knee?!


5-10-11 at 7:04 PM: "Kevin Maloney and 35 other friends changed their profile pictures."
Wow, Kevin Maloney is quite the trend setter of crap I could care less about.

5-9-11 at 10:40 PM: Should I stop asking myself rhetorical questions? (Don't answer that.)

5-9-11 at 4:44 PM: Here's a joke I just wrote for all my Botanist friends out there:

They say that "money is the root of all evil." Ha! I mean, if money is the root, what is the hypocotyl?! A bank card? Yeah right!

Now, on to part 2 of the joke: finding Botanist friends

5-8-11 at 3:30 PM: My first grade parents are the best! I asked for glue donations and got at least 3 horses worth!

5-7-11 at 6:52 PM: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha [So a hobbit walks into a minibar] hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha- An inside joke

5-7-11 at 4:51 PM: I can't help but think that if God had used a Mac instead of a PC to invent the world, humans and other animals would have a lot less problem with constipation. (Also, colors would be even more sharp and vivid.)

5-7-11 at 9:00 AM: I wonder how many people will "like" this status in which I say absolutely nothing?  (ANSWER = 27)

5-6-11 at 6:59 PM: Got a ton of great stuff for Teacher Appreciation Week, but my favorite is a University of Utah Snuggie. I plan on wearing it to every cold weather game this year.

5-5-11 at 10:48 PM: Every Butterfinger candy bar should come with a little toothpick in the package.

5-5-11 at 5:22 PM: People will make themselves sick not to be heard farting in public, yet they have no problem blowing their nose like a trumpet when I'm around.

5-4-11 at 5:17 PM: I could never be a restaurant owner because I can never spell "restaurant" correctly without Googling it first.

5-3-11 at 9:15 PM: Sometimes I ask for Skittles on my Subway, just to see if that kid's listening.

5-3-11 at 8:02 PM: My son graduated from preschool today! I could not be more proud. He crammed during finals week (Up until 8:00 every night!) and pushed through his research paper (drawing dogs). His thesis received rave reviews from all his professors. ("The impact of Spongebob on the 5 year old brain") I just pray that he hasn't peaked academically.

5-2-11 at 9:12 PM: I tweeted this 20 hours ago: "They should shoot Bin Laden EVERY Sunday from now on so that they can break into the Celebrity Apprentice." Tonight I am watching Conan and he tells almost the EXACT SAME joke! Coincidence or is Conan reading my tweets??

5-2-11 at 4:58 PM: I'm kinda wishing today that I hadn't said no to those Navy SEAL recruiters back in '97.

4-30-11 at 10:14 PM: Mariah Carey had twins! Finally, a plot for "Glitter 2"!

4:30-11 at 4:15 PM: Copy and paste this as your status for the day.

4-30-11 at 4:16 PM: Copy and paste this as your status for the day.

4-29-11 at 6:51 PM: Sometimes I will stop the microwave with one second left and quietly say to myself, "You did it Abe. We're safe now."

4-28-11 at 6:58 PM: Why is it that every time I wear spandex to Walmart I get the sick feeling that people are taking pictures of me?

4-27-11 at 4:39 PM: Thinking of becoming a volunteer firefighter. Maybe go down the pole once or twice and then quit. Maybe pet the dalmatian and pose for the calendar.

4-27-11 at 4:38 PM: Why is no one asking to see Kate Middleton's birth certificate? How do we know she is really British and not Kenyan?!

4-26-11 at 7:11 PM: I'd totally eat at a salad bar if it had lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, ketchup, mustard, hamburger and buns.

4-25-11 at 1:59 PM: Every girl in the world can look at Kate Middleton and say, "I too can marry a jobless bald guy that still lives with his grandmother."

4-24-11 at 7:51 PM: When the Easter Bunny takes a shower, I bet he has to clean a lot of that fake grass gunk out of the drain.

4-23-11 at 12:22 PM: Headed to Five Guys for my birthday and a heart attack.

4-22-11 at 8:07 PM: Actual conversation I witnessed my wife just have with a teenage boy working at the St. George Shoe Carnival: ..."Can I help you?"... "Yeah, what is a good running shoe for men?"... (Points) - "Asics are the best."... "Those are New Balance."... (Embarrassed) "Yeah, I am not very good with shoes."

4-21-11 at 9:28 PM: If I taught first grade at Amish School, this would be my curriculum: 

Monday -Build School, Tuesday -Quilt Tying, Wednesday -Electric Fireplace Building, Thursday -Buggy Driver's Ed., Friday - Rehearse scenes for "Witness" musical.

4-21-11 at 10:43 AM: This is a very special weekend: A weekend in which you can feel religious guilt and environmental guilt all at once.

4-20-11 at 4:42 PM: Honestly, the ONLY thing I know about the royal family is that they have weddings.

4-19-11 at 7:59 PM: My son says he hates Earth Day because they make him clean up other people's garbage on the playground. I told him to buck up - because he's saving dolphins. I'm not sure, but I think he gave me his first "bird".

4-18-11 at 5:48 PM: One of my first graders asked if brown is in the rainbow. I responded, "Only when a unicorn poops on it." I am a horrible teacher.