Alright, that was a blatant lie.
I kinda crave the spotlight. I think that is why I love Teacher Appreciation Week so very much.
I feel - as a teacher that deserves appreciation at an absolute miniscule level - that it is my duty to provide a helpful advice to parents to aid their understanding in how to appreciate your child's teacher in ways that will actually make them feel like a human that does not shop at the Dollar Store.
I give you, the Dos and Don'ts of Teacher Appreciation Week. And let us begin...
DO: Provide your child's teacher with a heartfelt note of thanks, expressing gratitude for their time and effort.
DON'T: Ask in the note where the teacher got the painting in their living room that your new binoculars have helped you see.
DO: Purchase a small gift, perhaps a gift card to the teacher's favorite restaurant.
DON'T: Wait on the teacher at the restaurant, especially if it happens to be Hooters. (Which it's not. But you know, just in case.)
DO: Send delicious treats throughout the week.
DON'T: Send shards of homemade groundhog jerky mixed with dried apricots.
DO: Decorate the teacher's door.
DON'T: Decorate the teacher's urinal.
DO: Tell the teacher thank you.
DON'T: Tell the teacher you can not say thank you without the expressed written consent of Major League Baseball.
DO: Buy your teacher an extra large tee shirt with a logo of his or her favorite team.
DON'T: Buy them an extra small Speedo with a Hello Kitty logo across the butt.
DO: Spend $5 on a "World's Best Teacher" mug filled with money.
DON'T: Spend $5 on a "World's Best Teacher" mug filled with cocaine.
DO: Send your teacher a can of their favorite soda.
DON'T: Assume their favorite soda is Tab.
DO: Give your favorite teacher a gift card to Barnes & Noble.
DON'T: Give your favorite teacher free unlimited use of your library card.
DO: Give the teacher a gym pass.
DON'T: Tell them that this is what you thought they needed the most.
DO: Buy the teacher a gag gift that will make them laugh.
DON'T: Buy the teacher a gift that will make them gag.
DO: Yard work for the teacher.
DON'T: Do yard work for the teacher in your own yard.
I do hope you have found this short course on Teacher Appreciation helpful. Certainly, your child's teacher will be enormously thankful when she shows up with a cup full of money rather than a stuffed bear wearing a teacher sweater.
When they thank you, you can tell them that Cheeseboy gave you the idea; they'll know who I am.
I feel - as a teacher that deserves appreciation at an absolute miniscule level - that it is my duty to provide a helpful advice to parents to aid their understanding in how to appreciate your child's teacher in ways that will actually make them feel like a human that does not shop at the Dollar Store.
I give you, the Dos and Don'ts of Teacher Appreciation Week. And let us begin...
DO: Provide your child's teacher with a heartfelt note of thanks, expressing gratitude for their time and effort.
DON'T: Ask in the note where the teacher got the painting in their living room that your new binoculars have helped you see.
DO: Purchase a small gift, perhaps a gift card to the teacher's favorite restaurant.
DON'T: Wait on the teacher at the restaurant, especially if it happens to be Hooters. (Which it's not. But you know, just in case.)
DO: Send delicious treats throughout the week.
DON'T: Send shards of homemade groundhog jerky mixed with dried apricots.
DO: Decorate the teacher's door.
DON'T: Decorate the teacher's urinal.
DO: Tell the teacher thank you.
DON'T: Tell the teacher you can not say thank you without the expressed written consent of Major League Baseball.
DO: Buy your teacher an extra large tee shirt with a logo of his or her favorite team.
DON'T: Buy them an extra small Speedo with a Hello Kitty logo across the butt.
DO: Spend $5 on a "World's Best Teacher" mug filled with money.
DON'T: Spend $5 on a "World's Best Teacher" mug filled with cocaine.
DO: Send your teacher a can of their favorite soda.
DON'T: Assume their favorite soda is Tab.
DO: Give your favorite teacher a gift card to Barnes & Noble.
DON'T: Give your favorite teacher free unlimited use of your library card.
DO: Give the teacher a gym pass.
DON'T: Tell them that this is what you thought they needed the most.
DO: Buy the teacher a gag gift that will make them laugh.
DON'T: Buy the teacher a gift that will make them gag.
DO: Yard work for the teacher.
DON'T: Do yard work for the teacher in your own yard.
I do hope you have found this short course on Teacher Appreciation helpful. Certainly, your child's teacher will be enormously thankful when she shows up with a cup full of money rather than a stuffed bear wearing a teacher sweater.
When they thank you, you can tell them that Cheeseboy gave you the idea; they'll know who I am.
49 comments:
Well, crap. What am I going to do with this giant mug of blow I bought?
Maybe I need to do an experiential lesson in my next drug and alcohol group.
Excellent pointers! I'm sure you're a blast as a teacher.
Great advice!! BTW, where did you get that painting??
Love this Abe!
Haha. Great list!
One of my aides has this teacher survey that she gives to her kid's teachers...favorite restaurant, snack, hobby, etc. That way she can give them something they will be sure to enjoy. Typically, I get a gift from one of my aides and rarely from a student. I can't complain...we don't always get Teacher Appreciation gifts for my kids' teachers, either.
Man, and all the best gifts I could think of were already in the DON'T category.
Porcelain unicorns? I don't think that that was in either one...
As always, your advice is invaluavle, albeit a day late. Now what to do with this hello kitty speedo...hey, father's day is just around the corner, perfect.
Ps-what about writing a rock song dedicated to your favorite teacher? And performing it during an assembly? Too much?
Wait...I though everyone loved TAB..
Do: Give your teacher flowers.
Don't: Give your teacher flowers yanked from the neighbor's yards and school flower beds.
Spoken from experience.
Nothing says a great gift like mowing your own yard. lol
You do such a service to your fellow teachers. Thank you.
They still make Tab?
Oh man! I was gonna buy those Juicy Couture short shorts! No?
And now I can't wait for the post in which you list all your awesome gifts and the pic of the poor sucker who gave the sockless foot rub!
Giving apples is a myth? Out? Never in? Hard to keep up with the trends.
Have you actually been the recipient of such a Hello Kitty Speedo? Personally, I'd like to know where to score one of those...
Crap, now I have to eat the shards of homemade groundhog jerky mixed with dried apricots by myself. And this was such a good batch.
I would think that a festively decorated urinal would make a great start to your workday - as long as the decorations were tasteful, oh that just sounds wrong now doesn't it?
Sigh, there goes my dreams of seeing the cute swim coach in Hello Kitty speedos.
Crap...what the heck am I gonna do with all this cocaine now? Geez, I guess I should have read this before I bought you a gift :)
LOL.
I always loved Teacher Appreciation Week - - -
They just don't HAVE "Lazy stay at home unemployed teacher appreciation week."
So I spent all that time writing on urinal pucks that I can't use now?
I think I'll take the Hello Kitty speedo and stuff it full of shards of homemade jerky with dried apricots, and give it to the school secretary that irritates me.
How to you feel about having your car decorated? Are there security cameras in your school parking lot?
Noted. Sending that mug back to Columbia now.
Shoot. NOW you tell me.
Pearl
Oh it's not Teacher Depreciation Week?
But if you fill it with blow they could sell it! Right?
Is it scary that I just thought of that?
As long as those delicious treats weren't made with breast milk, right?
For some reason the whole decorated urinal thing is making me giggle all over the place this morning--I have no earthly idea why...
You should see some of the stuff my friend who teaches 1st grade here in the middle of nowhere Montana receives on this--the most sacred of teaching weeks. It would make that hair fall right off your arms........
Oh so funny!!! I'm the advisor for NJHS and we're in charge of giving 110 teachers/staff a gift on Thursday this week. I chose chocolate. (Of course!!!) :o)
The Hello Kitty speedo sounds like it was from experience...
Lol! Okay your lists of don't were all so funny I want to do them now... except the cocaine, wouldn't even know where to get some I am happy to say.
Well, seeing as I live so far away, I'll have to do yard work in my own yard to honor you! ;)
I always give a weighty American Express gift card with a note that says, "I take care of you. You take care of my kid. I'll be expecting A's. *wink-wink*" Some years it works, some years it doesn't. I'm a great mom like that.
I think if I were a teacher, I'd be asking for cute shoes size 6-1/2.
Why don't you want a decorated urinal?
I guess that means I'll have to take the cocaine back....I have this feeling, though, that being an intern at a substance abuse treatment facility, that they wouldn't have appreciated the cocaine much anyways....
Abe, I'm saving your gift for Blogger Appreciation Week, that's where you really shine...
No dried apricots and groundhog jerky? How about gopher jerky and dried apricots. I have BOTH in my yard...where I'll gladly do yard work for you!
You were given the jerky, or something like it. DON'T DENY IT!!! It will do you no good.
I bet it would have been good.
Did you even try it?
Oh, so we're NOT supposed to decorate the urinals??? No wonder the principal was mad at me last year.
What? you didn't like last years groundhog jerky? I thought the Hello Kitty speedo was Mrs. Cheesy's idea?
Are you sure the speedo isn't a good idea? Because I see nothing wrong with that.
Only Yoda could have taught me more about appreciating teachers.
I do find it helpful. And funny too!
Come on. Cocaine = money. Best thing I ever got was a kings of leon cd. Think pta got it.
I'm surprised a teacher wouldn't want extra small Hello Kitty Speedos. I wouldn've thought that's the market those were made for. Disillusioned again.
xoRobyn
Our school actually hands out a list of things to give the teacher each day of the week. Today's suggestion was something they could put in their lunch. I found that odd. We sent an apple...
There's a teacher appreciation week?
hahaha this post and the comments have me laughing so hard! Love it!!!
I just found you on a list of best blogs of the week.
This was awesome. You would love it here. I am given a list of what to send the teachers.
Mon. - homemade cards
Tues. - a new book and or a snack
Wed. - office supplies (a list of greatest need is also supplied)
Thurs. - gift card
Fri. - PTA luncheon and gift of choice
I'm taking out a loan. I hope you had a wonderful week!
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