Dear Diary: An excerpt from adult Disneyland regular Kevin's journal.

This post was inspired by a man I met while waiting in line at Disneyland 3 years ago.  This man (age 32) had been to Disneyland every day of his life for 8 straight years.  He knew all the workers by name and knew the inside and out of the park.  The following is an exert from his diary:

Not Disneyland. The fam at Disneyworld.

Dear Diary,


Today marks my 2,459th straight day in Disneyland and I must say, I can feel the throbbing pain deep in my thighs.   Fortunately, I only wore one fanny pack, as opposed to my normal three, so my weight was more evenly distributed for maximum wait times. I also wore my new pair of Velcro Cars shoes with inserts so that my feat would remain stable for the parade that would be held later in the eve.


Cast Member Aaron was a real dip-wad today. He was all, "Hey Kevin, isn't Alice In Wonderland a little babyish for you?!"  And I was like, "You're the baby!  You're the one wearing the green overall Capri's and ruffled pirate shirt!"   

He got all huffy when I showed him my year round pass and told him that he was a subservient theme park worker.  IN YOUR FACE AARON!  

The train only circled the park 117 times today, as opposed to it's normal average of 139.  Must have been oodles of stroller passengers, what with their "extra folding time" and their failure to understand the conductor's stern "Passengers with small children should sit away from the aisles" warning.  Morons!

My mom packed me a tuna sandwich today.  I tell her every day, "I DON'T WANT TUNA, MA!  CHIP AND DALE CAN SMELL IT ON ME!  THEY WON'T GET THEIR PICTURE WITH ME!"  Then she has the audacity to tell me to get a job and stop living in my youth.   It's not that I don't appreciate the tuna, it's just that I always end up buying a churro and tossing the sandwich anyway.  But mom doesn't understand that.  She just wants to yell at me for never dating and not eating enough Omega 3's.

I'm 32 years old, I think I can make my own decisions, Ma!

Speaking of dating, I swear Ariel winked at me from her Grotto today.  That's like the third day in a row.  I am thinking of asking her out, but I worry about where our children would attend school.  I prefer they attend the little one in Toon Town.  I think Daisy teaches there.

The birds in the Tiki Room were on fire today!  I mean, they really had it going on!!!  Perfect pitch, excellent tone, an explosive finale.  I've never seen the fellas in such perfect rhythm. I gave them a 5 minute standing ovation.  Cast Member Carol had to finally kick me out because the next group was coming in.

I doubt that next group received the same grand performance as we did.


I drove the Autopia cars today, despite the hour long line.  When I got on, Cast Member Chuck was like, "Now Kevin, we tell you this every time, do not bump the car in front of you."  Chuck is an idiot. 


So, diary, another day down.  Tomorrow I think that I am going to head over to Tomorrow Land and catch Captain E-O before heading to the Peter Pan.  These people, they just get me.

(FYI, my apologies to all my blogging friends.  I have been extremely busy as of late.  I promise to get around to all your blogs asap.)