Wednesday, September 22, 2010

How I can keep my 'man-card' while watching Glee.

I'll admit it, I watch Glee.

It's not something I am proud of.  Or it is something I am proud of? Or am I not?  I'm still not really sure.

One thing is for certain: I enjoy watching Glee. I can justify my Glee adoration by maintaining my manliness while enjoying an episode.  Here's how it's done:

1. First of all, I always watch Glee while eating a steak, covered in beef jerky and hot sauce. 

2. When the kids sing a show tune from a musical, I always turn to my wife and say, "I've never heard this song.  Is it from one of those flamboyant, singalong loopy-doop plays you enjoy?" I do this even if I know exactly where the song is from.

3. If it seems as if the show is going to make me cry, I wake up one of my sons and have them punch me as hard as they can in the stomach while yelling, "BUCK UP, NANCY!"

4. During the obviously fake football scenes, I say things like, "They really should have run a screen there.  They would have had a much better chance for a first down - what with the way the linebackers are cheating up on the line."

5. When the "kids" in the show suddenly break out in song for no real reason, I ask questions like, "Where are all the instruments?" and "How do they just know the words so well?"

6. During long, drawn out love songs, I try and figure out if there is a slushie machine in the school or if there is a 7-11 across the street.  Where are all these slushies coming from and why haven't they been outlawed at this school yet?  How many slushies must be thrown before the madness ends?

7. Every time the teacher sings a sappy song from Les Miserables, I look at my waxed arm and wonder what kind of horrid turns my life has taken lately.

8. During boring, extensive singing scenes, I imagine how much more awesome the show would be if all the characters were actually Muppets.

66 comments:

DeNae said...

So how will you keep the man card now that Glee's new football coach is a woman?

And near as I can tell, the card you keep while watching Glee is actually the "13-year old little brother" card, which I suppose is close enough, under the circumstances.

Kristina P. said...

I assume you do all of these things, while watching Glee from a camo tent, while holding an AK-47, and ogling women in Hooters calendars.

So, sounds about right for DeNae's 13-year old boy card.

Marlene said...

Ha ha! Love it!!!! It takes a REAL man to watch Glee!

R.W. Wells said...

Man up Nancy! Come on over to the real world where I have an addiction to Jersey Shore. A world where women are shallow and men know how to wear a wife beater!

Can I get two fist pumps?!

Amy said...

Or, just do what Sco does: pretend to be enthralled in a video game while secretly tearing up during Rachel's solo. He won't admit he likes it, but the fact that he doesn't leave the room shows loyalty.

My question: Is Coach Beiste really a man with with MOOBS?

Plain Jane said...

Your blog may me laugh so hard my husband thought something was wrong with me. I was trying to laugh silently and ended up wheezing and choking.

Pedaling said...

hmmmm, interesting how it sounds as if you have occasion, on a regular basis, to have to play your 'man-card'

sounds like, at this point, you've perfected the list.

maybe i'll share it with big daddy and he can refer to it often during his obsession with broadway musicals and cooking shows.

Sco said...

I don't know what Amy's talking about. I actually like the more-singing, less sexcapade plot version tonight. Sue Sylvester is pure awesomeness.

Allyson & Jere said...

Oh you!!! Always good for a laugh.
I didn't even see the premiere last night. Fine, I'll admit it, I hardly watch the show at all. But my husband....he's a FANATIC!

Wait! Are you really DeNaes brother?

Baby Sister said...

I love Les Mis!! Never really watched Glee though...

MX3 said...

After the horrible thing that was High School Musical and all its spin-offs, I have had to avoid all things musical even more than before.

I mean, Grease is and always will be the best musical ever. No exceptions.

I don't know if I have it in me to even give Glee a chance!

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

"Buck up, Nancy" - too fun! You've got me wondering what it would be like to watch it while eating steak topped with beef jerky, or just to eat steak topped with beef jerky.
xoRobyn

W.C.Camp said...

I like Glee too but I want more singing not less. To really get your 'man card' revoked, you have to enjoy all 3 'High School Musical' movies and anything ever done by Miley Cyrus. I'm the founding member! W.C.C.

LKP said...

how about owning 2 of the HSM dvds, AND having seen #3 in the theater, AND seeing Hannah Montana the movie twice withing 48 hours on OPENING WEEKEND?!?!?!? yeah that's how awesome my man is cause he loves me & mini-me!

glee? ha!
quit frontin' & check that man card at the door fellas!

(p.s. cheese boy your list is slightly flawed, how 'bout a #1+bacon??? and sue sylvester may rock but there was no better satisfaction than the first time mr schue burned her back last season!!! but this season i'm hoping for a reunion tour of Acafellas.)

Oliver said...

LOL. Your posts always make me laugh!

They really never run out of slushies, really, and never will be outlawed.

It's very much okay for a guy to watch Glee. I watch Glee because it's funny! =D

ScoMan said...

I'm still not going to watch Glee.

Flore said...

I don't watch Glee ... I saw just one episode and was sooooo bored ! But maybe I'll give a second chance to the serie ... (hey, I'm already watching Hannah Montana, cannot watch everything ! ;-) )

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

#8 just might work.

Sorry, I'm already down a few points for watching Idol, so Glee is off the list.

Mommy Lisa said...

You are too funny. That show is awesome and I missed it this week. Boo me for forgetting!

Just SO said...

Buck up Nancy! Fabulous.

baygirl32 said...

I'll have to get husband to read this post, he just sits there with kiddo and hums along

smArtee said...

Haaaaa.....you are definitely a GL...."HE"...EEE....Man....but don't worry....I won't tell any one....do you know I have the boxed set and have never watched it yet....I can't wait everyone raves about it....!

-stephanie- said...

Never watched the show but just the title sounds pretty girly. Way to man-up.

Nicole said...

WOW. I don't know which is worse - you watching Glee or my husband's obsession with Desperate Housewives. Either way - it's refreshing! LOL

PS - at least you TRY to be manly while watching. All my husband says is.. "Oh.. I just love Gabby." It concerns me. hahahahaha

Eric said...

Gah, I can say with 100% certainty there is no way I'll ever watch this show. Not even if they had scantily clad dancing women each holding large screen televisions with major sporting events on each.

The Church Lady said...

I have never watched a full episode of Glee. But, from what I have seen of the show, I can see why you are interested in it. They do a great rendition of Journey!!

The Time of Our Lives said...

I heart Glee! Us girls have it easy because we are supposed to love chicky things like that. Poor fellas!

Although my hubs will watch SYTYCD (struggling to hang on to his Man Card while doing so!), he refuses to watch Glee. Oh well, it works for me.. I'm not sure I'd enjoy it as much if he was giving us strange looks as we sing along!

imbeingheldhostage said...

My opinion of you hasn't diminished any with this information. The arm waxing convinced me that you can buck up when you need to. I am WAITING to hear Will sing from Les Miserables or anything else--COME ON UK, WE'RE DYIN' HERE.
Maybe you could do a video of you watching Glee? (and zoom in on the tv screen a lot?)

MBGITWWR said...

Hahaha! Do you eat burritos and nachos earlier in the day so you can belch and fart the entire time too? That would up the man card ante.

Donda said...

But secretly you wish you were Finn. It's OK, this is a safe place. You can confide in us. :)

Pat said...

I think you were pretty manly just to WRITE this post and ADMIT you watch GLEE and that you are a GLEEK. At least you are eating a steak while watching it, though. That makes all the difference in the world. snort.

Copyboy said...

LMAO!!!! I'm a closet Glee fan myself. I'm glad someone had the courage to write this.

Bossy Betty said...

Give it up. Get out the Kleenex. Give into the girly side. You know you want to wear Spandex.

Pearl said...

Good God, get outta my head Cheese!

:-)

This was fabulous.

Pearl

Jenn said...

Glee, huh? Wow..not much else I can say about that.... GLEE??? REALLY??

Kristen said...

I haven't watched it yet, because, well the name alone.... but somehow you just made it ok..... (Now I know why my husband suddenly searches in the closet for something when a tear-jerker is on. But this is BAD and I mean BAD- since we are sharing. WHY, WHY does Minute to win it make me CRY?? Is it jealousy?? I think not.

T said...

Muppet-Glee... now I would watch that!!!

Okay, I'd probably enjoy glee... but since I had to give up my Woman-Card (due to the no chocolate thing) I'm afraid to...

are those arms itching like crazy while the hair grows out?

Heff said...

MAN-CARD REVOKED INDEFINITELY !!!

JAYNE LYNCH HAS MORE TESTICLE THAN YOU !!

Hart Johnson said...

I figure you can justify it by having children who may eventually want to date GIRLS so you can watch in an effort to help them understand better, because then they will be more likely to 'get some'

And definitely choose beer you can't see through--that always helps with the credibility.

Joann Mannix said...

I barked, not laughed, but barked at #7. And don't dis Les Miserable, dude. Seriously fabulous music.

My husband keeps teasing us with, "I just might watch Glee with you guys tonight." He never has. He goes into the other room and watches sports or Survivorman or something else full of testosterone.

He might just have one up on you in the manly department, Cheese. I'm just sayin'.

Melinda said...

I've never seen Glee, so I'm totally judging you. You need to add to that list that you pass gas or belch loudly at the crying parts. Thats a real man, or atleast thats what my husband thinks.

M-Cat said...

"Buck up Nancy" is now one of my most favorite phrases. Will be used often.

I tried to like Glee, I really did. Just.can't.bring.myself.to.

Martha H. said...

I love Glee!

You make me laugh. I loved all your points as to how you keep your manhood, especially Buck up, Nancy! ha ha ha

You have to admit, that Sue Sylvester is a real character. Truly hilarious!

Marnie said...

Buck up Nancy...lmao!! I have never heard that phrase before. You are hilarious.

Mighty M said...

Aw, I'm glad you found your own way to watch Glee. All men should. :)

Emmy said...

Love this post. And what does it say about me if I totally want to come eat what you are eating.

From Tracie said...

I have never seen Glee. This is strange because I am slightly musical obsessed (watching them, not being in them) and it would seem this show would be my new love. Apparently not.

I would definitely try it if there were muppets. Also if every episode came with free steak. That would make me watch.

dbs said...

(I watch Glee too and so does my teenaged son, and he wants to be a mechanic!)

Nancy C said...

I watch the show for the brilliance which is Jane Lynch as Sue Sylvester. During the songs, I usually do something uncouth.

Beth Zimmerman said...

And when they find the slushie machine at 7/11 do they "Weez the juice"? Obscure Encino Man reference which my kids watched so many times in the early 90s that I had the fool thing memorized! Please don't tell me you're too young to remember (and appreciate) Encino Man!

Corrina Terry said...

Glee? Really? Even I don't watch Glee!!! ;o)

Julie said...

You are so funny.I don't think I've ever see Glee but there are some musicals I like.
I love your writings.
I hope that you have a blessed day tomorrow. Take care.

Cherie said...

LOL! Do I lose my Woman card because I don't watch Glee and have never watch Glee and probably will never watch Glee?
You da man!!

Lisa Loo said...

Do you wear the red cape while watching? Because that makes all the difference...

Kelley said...

I really liked the "BUCK UP, NANCY!!" part. Seriously, where has your life gone? Look at that arm, would you? Just look at it. What's wrong with you? You're watching GLEE, for cryin' out loud!! I'm sure your wife loves that you're watching it. Maybe I should set my DVR to it, but I'm too busy watching ultra-macho things. Over here, it's the opposite. I try to hide my adoration of explosions and sweat and guns by knitting while I'm watching. Or applying mascara during the fight scenes. Or...well, you get the point. :)

Kelly said...

I think you should learn to embrace your tender side.

tammy said...

My son's elementary school has started serving slushies now at lunch. I'm a little worried where this is headed.

Powdered Toast Man said...

muppets make everything 32 times more awesome.

mama-face said...

lol

i was thinking the same thing about those slushies. And they're extra slushie, practically gooey; but glee is extra special so it's understandable.

Motherboard said...

I adore Glee, but it's really hard to watch it when my husband yells at inappropriate times "Ya watchin' that GLAY thing?"

Sweet Bee Cottage said...

I've been wondering about those slushies too! I mean, I know they must be breaking some federal regulation with having slushies at school. And how about that bake sale from last season? Here in California you can't have bake sales unless they are baked by a professional chef and meet the nutritional requirements for a treat.

I LOVE Glee - I think I might be a GLEEK! We let my nine year old watch the musical numbers and she loves it too.

BTW I went to college with Dot Jones the new football coach - not that she would remember me, but I remember her because she scared the peewaddlins out of me. (Is that how you spell peewaddlins?)

mintifresh said...

As long as you don't start wearing girl's clothes and claim "fashion knows no gender" you're good.

Mary said...

I LOVE Glee, but the hubby isn't a fan...unless he's trying to get on my good side :o)

NerdyRedneck Rob said...

Well, apparently the producers figured out there was a gender gap. So now they are going to have Brittany spears crawling around in translucent spandex. I plan to watch my first episode tonight!

Do we validate man cards here? Why yes we do! :)

Teachinfourth said...

You could always just buy the DVDs and then watch them secretly when everyone else is out of town...

Marla said...

I am ashamed to say I have never seen it. Or am I?