Wednesday, September 22, 2010
How I can keep my 'man-card' while watching Glee.
It's not something I am proud of. Or it is something I am proud of? Or am I not? I'm still not really sure.
One thing is for certain: I enjoy watching Glee. I can justify my Glee adoration by maintaining my manliness while enjoying an episode. Here's how it's done:
1. First of all, I always watch Glee while eating a steak, covered in beef jerky and hot sauce.
2. When the kids sing a show tune from a musical, I always turn to my wife and say, "I've never heard this song. Is it from one of those flamboyant, singalong loopy-doop plays you enjoy?" I do this even if I know exactly where the song is from.
3. If it seems as if the show is going to make me cry, I wake up one of my sons and have them punch me as hard as they can in the stomach while yelling, "BUCK UP, NANCY!"
4. During the obviously fake football scenes, I say things like, "They really should have run a screen there. They would have had a much better chance for a first down - what with the way the linebackers are cheating up on the line."
5. When the "kids" in the show suddenly break out in song for no real reason, I ask questions like, "Where are all the instruments?" and "How do they just know the words so well?"
6. During long, drawn out love songs, I try and figure out if there is a slushie machine in the school or if there is a 7-11 across the street. Where are all these slushies coming from and why haven't they been outlawed at this school yet? How many slushies must be thrown before the madness ends?
7. Every time the teacher sings a sappy song from Les Miserables, I look at my waxed arm and wonder what kind of horrid turns my life has taken lately.
8. During boring, extensive singing scenes, I imagine how much more awesome the show would be if all the characters were actually Muppets.