I was once a very jealous person. Marriage kinda ended that.

Jealously is my worst human fault. (Was it one of those 7 deadly sins in that sin movie with Brad Pitt?) Since getting married, I have almost overcome this deficiency. However, I still have minute moments of jealous passion that come and go. I think that I get this from my mother, who - despite urging me to get over my jealousies throughout my life, always seems slightly jealous herself when discussing my dad's former girlfriends.

Cathi, on the other hand, is an anti jealous freak of nature. Nothing, and I mean nothing, makes her jealous. In fact, one Christmas I came home from teaching school, ecstatic at the first opportunity to make my wife jealous. During my day at school, we had a visit from the West Jordan High Madrigals. (A singing group) The ladies in the choir performed a special number in which they pulled me out of the crowd, dressed me up as Santa, sat on my lap, sang to me and then kissed me on the cheek. All 10 of them! When I proudly told my wife of my fortune that day, she laughed. Then she laughed harder. And then she laughed some more. I explained that these were actually really cute girls (albeit only 17 or 18), and this only increased her laughter ten fold. My hope at sparking her first jealous moment turned quickly into MY shame and embarrassment.

Now, being married to a very attractive lady is harder than it looks. I am constantly told how beautiful my wife is. This past month alone I must have been told 10 times by different parties how beautiful Cathi is. It has happened so often in 11 years, I have nothing left to do but nod in agreement and say a quiet, "thank you". This has become such a frequent occurrence that I have begun pretending that it is actually a compliment aimed at me - for I am the one that scored such a bodacious babe! But alas, in the dark bowels of the eve, when the crock croweth midnight, I lay in my bed and I know that the compliment was not mine at all - but it is for the one laying next to me.

I have actually been very proud of the fact that even though my wife receives constant attention because of her looks, I have remained, for the most part, without jealousy. I think that part of it is that being married for 11 years will do that to you... and part of it is that I may have matured a bit. Nevertheless, when I stumbled upon a former boyfriend of Cathi's on facebook the other day, another tiny twinge of jealousy pulsed through my body.

I believe that this certain fella that I stumbled upon actually dated Cathi before I started to date her, and much to my chagrin, dated her again while I was on my mission. Fortunately, they went their separate ways (I think he actually went on his own mission) and Cathi waited out the rest of the time for me.
Anyway, any jealousies that still remained quickly faded into nothingness when I saw this dude's profile. This is what I learned:

• He weighs approximately 20-30 pounds more than me.
• He has one ugly Goatee. (Cathi hates facial hair)
• His kids are not nearly as cute as mine.
• He has much less hair than I do.
• He likes country music. (Okay this one actually may backfire because Cathi likes that crap too)
• His wife is not nearly as cool as mine.
• He is not really funny at all.
• He has a boring job.
• He makes much more money than I do. (Again, this is probably not something I should list)
• He must be a BYU fan. (They never end up with the hot girl)
• IN THE END, I - AND NOT HIM - MARRIED THE COOLEST GIRL IN THE WORLD!

EAT IT LOSER!

Jealousness officially over.