Sunday, May 3, 2009
Dear Ogden America First Credit Union ladies.
Well HELLO LADIES! It appears that I have developed a fan club, or more appropriately "cyber groupies" at the Ogden America First Credit Union. Once again, HELLO LADIES! I have not received this much female attention since... well, who am I kidding, I a lone male teacher am smothered and stirred into a giant pot of teaching estrogen. It seems , I get plenty of female attention and sometimes, if I am lucky, some of it even comes from my wife. But that's not to say that I am not flattered that you read my nonsensical nonsense on a daily basis. Actually, I often wonder if my slobbery slop would ever fly with the masses. Apparently it does, if you work at the Ogden America First Credit Union.
Ladies, I want you to know, I know how it is. Desk work strains your mind. Come Tuesday afternoon, you realize, "I have 3 more days of this crap!" The Blog O' Cheese is an oasis. Allow me to be your oasis. (Not the crazy English band with the two drunken brothers, but rather something serving as a refuge, relief, or pleasant change from what is usual.)
First off, I would just like to say that I think that it is great that you work in Ogden. The world needs more brave people like you. Ogden has officially moved from "armpit of Utah" to " upper naval of Utah". (Thanks Pangquich!) Do they provide you with an extra security guard? But, I kid, I kid. (I do hope that they provide you with an extra security officer. Please tell me they do.)
I love America First Credit Union! The thing I love about them most is that they are not the Deseret First Credit Union. What is with their commercials?! They are awful. (When I see a Deseret First Credit Union comercial I am begging for Paige Davis!) Do they only want Mormons as customers? Would they even accept the money of a non-member? Every time I see one of their ads, I cringe in disbelief. "Did they really just make an inside joke about a 'Stake Center' to cater to the Mormon population?!" Ugh. Shoot me now.
No, I think it's great that, unlike those putrid Democrats, that you put America first. I hope you don't even allow those pathetic Democrats through your doors. I mean, what do they put first? Hope? Taxes? Not torturing people? It's not America, I'll tell you that much! America comes way down the list for them. It's like number 6 on their list, much like where football is for the BYU football players. Not you gals. You put AMERICA FIRST! Now that's something I like to hear from my lending institution. (Sarcastic tone intended.)
I also find it quite interesting that you all cheer for a team dressed in purple. However, I too will dawn the purple drapes of shame whenever your lads travel south to play the evil empire otherwise known as BYU. But purple? Really? Better than blue I suppose.
So, ladies of the Ogden America First Credit Union, I ask - no I implore you to continue to read the Blog O' Cheese. And, if the mood so strikes you one lazy afternoon, you might want to make a comment or two. In the meantime, I will try to not ever let my new found fans down and I will continue to write pathetic mumblings for you to pass the time by. Now it's time I start recruiting those broads down at the Pangquich America First Credit Union. Maybe I should send them a fruit basket?