Monday, March 28, 2011

When Dora the Explorer is Married

** FYI: Dora married a man named Diego.  He is NOT her cousin.  This confusion is something she has dealt with her entire adult life. I feel badly for her.

Dora: Honey, you are going the wrong way!

Diego: Uh, I know where I'm going.

Dora: You were supposed to go over the troll bridge.  We passed that like three miles ago.

Diego: No. You said around the troll bridge, then past the alligator pond.

Dora: Here, let me check the map.

MapI'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map.  I'm the map - - I'M THE MAP!


Diego: Can you shut that stupid thing up?!

Map: To get to Candy Mountain, you need to go over Troll Bridge, past Alligator Pond and then you are at Candy Mountain.  Bridge. Pond. Mountain.  Bridge. Pond. Mountain.  Bridge. Pond. Mountain!

Diego:  Seriously, give me that friggen' piece of crap.  I'm gonna...

Dora: No!  Seriously, you had three easy instructions.  Three!  What the heck is wrong with you?

Diego: I've been to Candy Mountain before in college.  I think I know where it is.

Dora:  Why don't we just pull over and ask for directions?

Diego: In this part of town? No way I'm stopping here.  Swiper lives around here.  He swipes.  I hate that guy.

Dora:  Pull over here.

Diego: No!

Dora: JUST PULL OVER!

Diego: Alright, alright.

[Dora gets out and is approached by Swiper]

Dora:  Swiper, no swiping!  Swiper, no swiping!  Swiper, no swiping!

Diego:  He just goes away when you say that?

Dora: He's an awful thief.  Really bad.  Been that way for years.

Diego: Did you get directions then?

Dora: Yeah: Okay, go over the Troll Bridge, past the Alligator Pond and then to the Candy Mountain.

Diego: I KNEW THAT!  THAT STUPID TALKING MAP TOLD US THAT, LIKE 5 MINUTES AGO!

Dora: Sorry.  Hey, where is my purse?

Diego:  SWIPER!

Dora: I don't get it!  I said it three times?

Diego: OH MAN!!!

**I am not sure if this post is funny or not, but my 9 year old son has been watching me write it and it had him giggling so hard he was almost crying.  Even if no one else likes it, that alone was worth writing it.

65 comments:

Cluttered Brain said...

rofl...i'm first!

Cluttered Brain said...

ok now for the real comment.... Man alive....Wow.
You had me rolling mostly because my 3 year old loves Dora...
And it really gets stuck in your head....
Love it cheese....
So true...
but I think Dora and Diego are cousins...where they live anyway...the south? lol.

Kate said...

It turns out my husband's name must really be Diego.

The Church Lady said...

I swear I think Dora the Explorer is where my kids learned to speak Spanish!

Venassa said...

I watched enough Dora with my nephew that I love this post!

The Stiffs said...

Oh my word. Married but not her husband? They must be from my hometown since they're also cousins.

M-Cat said...

How I wish Dora and Diego weren't cousins so we COULD have a love connection between those two. I would learn double the Espanol and really, Spanish weddings are the best!

And then maybe we could have just ONE television show that seems to air like 18 times a day.

Stolen Sentiments said...

I dig it. Have you seen the SNL skit? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAKR-OXq6hU

I am confused, though. I thought Diego was her cousin or something? Do we have a little incest action here?

Oilfield Trash said...

Hilarious!!!

Wait did she marry him for a green card or is he illegal too?

Plain Jane said...

Never seen Dora, but the humor translates anyway. It is a good thing I read your blog, it is the only pop culture I am exposed to.

Amanda said...

Yes, I can calm your fears and tell you this is funny. Although, it could just be all the hours I log watching those two fools.

I bet Dora never lets Diego forget that it's his fault her purse was stolen.

Alittlesprite said...

LOL! Sounds like my Parents..except their map is called Karen and refuses to talk to them when they make a wrong turn.

Emmy said...

Glad she didn't marry her cousin phew! How would I explain that to my kids.

Have you see Brian Reegan's (sp?) bit about the map song? Hilarious!

Kristina P. said...

Wait, who the crap is Diego? This almost makes me wish I had children so I understood anything going on.

Impulsive Addict said...

I haven't had the pleasure of watching this craptastic show just yet. Can you do a skit with Sesame Street? Kthanks!

Melinda said...

Is it sad that I had to sing along to the song, to the Swiper bit and the OH MAN!

I hate that friggin' show.

Crystal Pistol said...

I was having a poopy, grumpy evening. Then I read "I'M THE MAP!" Laughed in spite of myself. ...Dont you HATE when you're trying to be in a bad mood and someone makes you laugh???

Thanks, man.

GrammyMouseTails said...

married?? okay, I believe you... I have no idea who they are anyway... other than where in the world part I overheard from some box called the TV... I beet she says they are married because Diego must be from CA & wants to be legal status or something???

Kelloggsville said...

Dora has seriously evolved since I last saw it. Swiper? Is that for real?! Why did Dora not say "you've never liked my mother/map" ?!!!!!

Cruella Collett said...

I only have a vague idea who Dora is (which I've absorbed through my nephews) but from the little I know this was a pretty awesome parody.

Or, you know, maybe I just have the humor of a nine-year-old...

Cheryl said...

Funny!! But really, am I the only one out here wondering where Boots is??? Boots would be the arbitrator between Dora and her cousin/husband, Diego.

Cathy Webster (Olliffe) said...

(Two's company, Boots is a crowd. I think Diego was jealous and had Boots offed.)
This was HILARIOUS. I just about fell over a few times, especially about Swiper. "Diego: He just goes away when you say that?"
And Diego telling the map to shut up? I don't know how many times I watched this silly show and thought exactly the same thing.
Kids shows. Blechhhh!
I love that your nine-year-old loved this!

Mommy Lisa said...

Thank goodness my daughter only liked Dora for a minute. :) It was funny.

Dana @ WhatWereWeThinking? said...

Dora is a freaking whiny nag. Her cousin, Diego, is the cool relative. He probably has nothing to do with her and is a famous explorer by now.

fnkybee said...

Is it sad that I read it with their voices in my head? haha! That was great!

LeoMontg said...

Ah, to have the humor of a 9 year old boy again . . .

Jenn said...

I wish I knew Dora the Explorer better, as I'm sure it would have been much funnier had I gotten the inside jokes. Damn, it's things like this that make me want kids :)

Tony Van Helsing said...

Never watched Dora but still managed to be amused by this.

TesoriTrovati said...

Oh yes. That IS funny. And I think I was in that car with Diego once. On the way to "Candy Mountain" (if you know what I mean) and now I know the name of the theif who stole my things.

*wink*

Enjoy the day!
Erin

Mighty M said...

HILARIOUS!

Pedaling said...

sounds just like me and big daddy!

Bossy Betty said...

Dora is totally right here.

Cindy said...

Coming from a mom of 2 young girls who LOVE Dora - this is HYSTERICAL!

I just found your blog recently and you've been cracking me up for a week. Thanks for the laughs.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Man, that Dora sure gets around these days.
xoRobyn

Cheryl said...

Just got back on to read the comments. You all are so funny, but let's back up to Jen's comment about this makes her want to have kids. Think long and hard because lil kiddos will want to watch Yo Gabba Gabba too. And that is going to force you A.want to destroy your television, B. Have nightmares or C. have you involuntarily committed

Big fan of having kids but be very careful with which "kid oriented" programs enter your brain.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Dora better give up now. The future does not bode well. Besides, I'd be off if I had to listen to the map all those years too.

PBJdreamer said...

awesome

I am glad you kept back[ack out of it..heeee


that is all

Lisa Loo said...

I wish those were the only directions I had to remember in life; Bridge. Pond. Mountain.
I might actually make it somewhere....

Deborah Ann said...

Wow, looks like Dora needs to get on medication...

laughingmom said...

You'd think Diego would spring for a GPS by now - it would get rid of Map.

Histerical post - next time I'm approached by a thief I'll try repeating three times!

imbeingheldhostage said...

One of your very best. You never cease to amaze and entertain!

imbeingheldhostage said...

And since you're a Dora expert, I'm guessing she's not singing, "We did it! We did it! Hiroshima" right? I'm thinking if they're trying to teach kids Spanish, they should have her spit the marbles out of her mouth before she sings... just my opinion.

Wizzy said...

Seriously, your postings have been hysterical. I haven't read in a LONG time, but I haven't laughed out loud at a blog in a long time. You're obviously not trying TOO hard here. Thanks for the laugh today. Oh, and I don't have a favorite, I loved Dora, The Wiggles, your Facebook questions, and the list of blog comments. HA HA!

Lindsay Blogs said...

I am, at this very moment, watching Dora Saves the Crystal Kingdom. OH THE HUMANITY!! Thanks for the comic relief. It's the only way to stay sane when watching this torture.

Kristen said...

I work with a lady who looks like Dora. To a T! We even call her Dora and when small children visit us they think she is the grown up version of Dora.....

Susan in the Boonies said...

Between this and the post on The Wiggles, I'm sensing some pent in hostility, Abe.

All I can say is: I wish you were a tad older so you could feel hostile about the things that really tick me off.

I have a feeling I would SO enjoy watching you get tweaked out by some of MY pet peeves. But my kids are 17 and 13, so I don't think that you'll ever get caught up to the things that are driving ME nuts.

laughingmom said...

Anyone mentioned that you are at 601 followers with your god given blogging voice???

And I do know how to spell hysterical, my fingers just don't play well with others...

David L Macaulay said...

if she isn't inbred how come her face is so wide?

Kelley said...

It was hilarious!! Your son can recognize good humor. When is he starting his blog?

randine said...

I think they need to turn that map in for GPS.
Map is so annoying the way he always says the same thing three times. It's like "Dude. Got it the first time."
I find it a little condescending.

Lazarus said...

I know this is not actual dialogue but it should be...well done!

Poetic Justice said...

Lol...u kill me:) I have been watching Dora for 7 years. (3 little girls will do that) I am so done with Dora. I have nightmares about the sound of her annoying voice. Truly, thank you for the giggle:)

Sarah said...

Sooooo I just nearly herniated myself laughing over this one. Your son is right... crying WAS the appropriate response... I laughed until no sound came out, only tears. THANK YOU.

Poddys said...

Having watched Dora for years when my daughter was small, and been to the live show as well, I thought that was brilliant. Laughing all the way.

Flea said...

I hate the Map.

I am wearing one of my favorite t-shirts at the moment - It's a magical liopleurodon!!

Lourie said...

Definitely funny! hahaha.

T said...

haha - I'll laugh alongside the 9 year old on this one :)

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

You went over 600! It's video time.
Dude, sign up for the A to Z Challenge - you'll hit 700 in no time.

Lene said...

I. Hate. Dora. That is all.

SueLovesCherries said...

As a parent of a former Dora watcher, I can honestly say this is a great post!

purseblogger said...

LOL! My kids don't watch Dora anymore but I'll definitely be showing them this post. :)

Stolen Sentiments said...

Thank you for the clarification on the cousin/incest debacle.

XLMIC said...

It is freakin' hilarious! As the mother of 4 kids who have plunged me at various times in each of their lives into Dora Purgatory, I can attest to the fact that it is hilarious. Almost as hilarious as the dirty songs my husband and I have made up in place of the real Dora lyrics ;-) which don't hold a candle to our Bob the Builder songs.

MiMi said...

No, that was funny!
But what happened to Boots??
Is he relegated to "trunk monkey" now?

Tundiel said...

Man, that Map needs strangling. As does the 'Backpack'. Thankfully my daughter has moved on from Dora.

Of course, now she adores Justin Bieber. *shudder*

I've been looking through some of your greatest hits, and died laughing at Yo Gabba Gabba. ;p