Wednesday, March 2, 2011

At the Pope's Used Car Lot

-  ... and over here we have the Mercedes.  It is three years old, but only has 800 miles on it.  And most of that is parade milage.

- It's got that big plastic box on the back of it again.  Every car you've shown us has that big plastic box.

- Alright, alright.  I'll let you in on a little secret.  And I don't just tell everyone this: The Pope sat in there!

- Like the Pope Pope?

- Yep, Pope Pope. The one and only.

- Which one?

- One of the dead ones, I think.  One of the Benedicts, John Pauls, or maybe it was a Ringo?

- Wow. Did he die in there?

- No. No.  So what do you say?  Wanna take this baby for a spin?

- Look, we're Presbyterian.  We're not really interested.  Lets go, hun.

- Hold on.  Hold on!  Let me ask you: What's it gonna take to get you behind the wheel of this Pope-Mobile today?

- Well... we... we just wouldn't feel comfortable.

- Is it the whole dead Pope thing?

- Yeah, kinda.

- Well, let me ask you this: Do you like fish?

- Sure.  Yeah, we like fish.

- I'm thinking traveling aquarium.  It'll impress the neighbors.

- Um...

- I'll fill it up with water and even throw in a couple free guppies.

- Really, we're good. And look, we've got to go.  Our sitter is waiting.

- Hold up, hold up.  You all have KIDS?!

- Yeah.

- And they probably sit in the back seat, right?

- Yes.  Of course.

- Are they always screaming at each other and pinching each other, driving you nuts and stuff?

- Yep. How did you...

- Just a gut feeling.  Let me tell you something.  That plastic box - it's soundproof.  You can just stick them back there and they can have at it.  You will be none the wiser.  And check this out - cup holders!  The Pope used them to put his sunflower shells in.  And this baby's safe too.  Here, take this gun and shoot at that plastic box.

                                             - BANG! - 

- Wow, that's incredible?  What is that made of?

- The same substance the FBI uses to make it's Tupperware.  It was developed by top-secret Catholic Tupperware scientists.

[Whispering: Really impressive. What do you think, honey?]

- Is there somewhere we can go and talk?

- Of course, of course. We'll use Father Mulcahy's office.  Right this way...

51 comments:

Kristina P. said...

My coworker is looking for a new car. I think this would be a perfect replacement for his rapist van!

Everyday Goddess said...

Yup, all the guys on the street will have Papal envy after seeing that hot rod.

laughingmom said...

Why not fill it with water and throw the kids in?

Middle-aged Mormon Man said...

Take the top off and make a dunking booth.
Favorite line: The Pope used them to put his sunflower shells in.

Melinda said...

Soundproof!!! You got ME right there! How much?

Tom said...

Funny post. That's probably not such a bad car. If I owned it, I'd spend about 3 hours a day being driven around while I wave to the public.

blueviolet said...

I have to say that it does give my Buick a run for the money.

Kelloggsville said...

whoa, hold on there one cotton picking minute, are you telling me the Pope died? there was more than one Pope? No? Really? wowza, so you have another of these cars for sale then? Can I get a matching pair?

Marnie said...

He used the cup holder for sunflower seeds....lol :0)

Katie said...

I always figured the pop to be a Ranch falvored Corn Nuts man.

Beth Zimmerman said...

I'm sure you could use it in one of your Cheeseboy Celebration stunts too!

Katie said...

ugh. I meant *PopE*
He hates it when people call him Pop.

Missy said...

I could use this. For what, I do not know, but I could use it!

Oilfield Trash said...

That is awesome.

Personally I thought the "Pope-Soap On A Rope" was the funniest Pope like thing was funny.

Traci said...

Those Pope mobiles are a pretty sweet ride... When I was in Jerusalem in 2000, the Pope came and he had a special "gold edition" for his visit there. I got to see it as it drove very slowly down the street and prevented me from getting to the cafeteria before it closed.

purseblogger said...

LOL! Awesome!
Where do you come up with this stuff?

Joann Mannix said...

I'm thinking--Dancemobile!!!

Put in a colored strobe light, fill it up with friends in gold lame, (that's la-may, Cheese, not lame. Ask your wife.), take it to the streets and you got one groovin' dance party and entertainment for the masses.

And that was John Paul's Popemobile, just so you know. You are welcome, from one Friday-fishstick-eating Catholic.

mintifresh said...

I want that car!

Cathy Webster (Olliffe) said...

I totally want that car... I seriously think of buying a police cruiser so I can throw my two wiseacres in the back seat and let 'em go at it.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Traveling aquarium! I like it.

lisleman said...

Catholic Tupperware ?
where do you get that?
Easter is coming and that would be great gift.

Elizabeth Mueller said...

Lol! I like your term 'popemobile'. Thanks for making me laugh. :)


Elizabeth

Casey said...

Makes me wonder if there are others like this one? He sold me on the sound proof part and the cup holders. My kids could blast their music all they wanted to, all the while I listen to my Abba.

Great post Cheese! I laughed all the way through it!!

The Church Lady said...

Casey is me ~ Church Lady.

My daughter keeps logging in before me - - ugh!

Katie said...

::snort::

Very Nice!!! I wonder if they have it in lime green?

Lydia K said...

That was so funny! I bet all the girls swoon over cars like that. Okay, maybe just nuns.

Julie said...

Very nicely done. "The same substance the FBI uses to make their tupperware." what a hoot!

What part of the Vatican do these Catholic tupperware scientists work in? Are they somehow connected with the Da Vinci code?

Heidi (lilmommyfoofoo) said...

Hahaha..."we're Presbyterian"...
That was a good one buddy. You are hilarious. :)

The Bipolar Diva said...

wonder if they can retro fit my Mercedes?

Kelley said...

This was hilarious! I love that you even THOUGHT to talk about the Pope-mobile at all, but especially used ones! Your mind is a crazy place and I like visiting there!

The Empress said...

All I can think is that it's a dunk tank on wheels.

Now, someone is going to love that, right?

Impulsive Addict said...

Is it bad to say that this car scares me?

Jenn said...

I'd buy a monkey and put a little tree in the box and let the monkey play in the box while I drove around all day screaming out my window, HEY LOOK AT MY MONKEY!!!

lifeshighway said...

This would be the best road trip car ever. You could take turns on who gets to ride in the back. Then you can stare at people while they are driving, especially from behind.

Deborah Ann said...

WOW!!! You are absolutely hilarious! I saw 'Cheeseboy' on a blog I visited, and since I'm a dedicated cheese head, I just had to give this thing a whirl.

Joining as a follower...and please please please come join mine! I REALLY need that cheesehead picture with the rest of my collection...

PBJdreamer said...

I loved the idea of sticking the kids in there so you don't have to hear them fight!!

fabulous!


that is all

Lourie said...

Top secret Tupperware scientists! HAHAHAHAHA! I would be sold on the sound proof thing.

Ms Bibi said...

SOLD....the soundproof glass sold me. Actually just the fact that my kids can't touch me or my seat while in my car sold me.

SueLovesCherries said...

Does it come in a sports model? I'm thinking, like, a Lambo or a Ferrari; but, definitely not a Merc!

baygirl32 said...

travelling aquarium now that would be AWSOME

Emmy said...

Well the end of this post sold me, I want this car :)

ThreeOldKeys said...

Can I get a brochure? I'd like to know how they burp the Tupperware seal. We like to buy Cheerios in bulk. Big bulk.

And before I make a decision, there's another dealership I need to check out. They're having a big pre-Easter sale on the PeepMobile.

Corrina Terry said...

I know a couple of families who could use a good Popemobile! :o) Nicely done!!!!

Lazarus said...

Very creative and funny idea for a post Abe! Nicely done...

KrippledWarrior said...

What's it got under the hood? is it super charged?

Lisa Loo said...

My kids would be the ones writing "Help I've been kidnapped" in red lipstick and we would spend all our time getting pulled over by the cops. Think we will have to pass.

Teachinfourth said...

I know it's sort of been said in comments already but I remember a comedian sometime ago talking about 'poperware...seals in the holiness.'

It just about made me split a gut.

Kristen said...

Drive by Confessionals - I like it!

Pat Tillett said...

I'd buy it, then hire a "pope" look-a-like and just cruise...
Maybe we'd even drive by the churches of other denominations and have the guy scream out obscenties at them...

DEZMOND said...

oooh, I always love me some blasphemous posts :)))

M-Cat said...

Pretty sure that the popemobile is totally aquarium appropriate.

And have you ever eaten at Bucca Di Beppo's and sat at the pope's table?
NGL - totally creepy as you sping the lazy susan to see the pope staring you down over your spag and meatballs