Thursday, March 31, 2011

Being a teacher is like being... (A metaphoric simile)

Being a teacher is sometimes like being an American Idol judge.  You pretend to know what you are talking about while drinking a ton of Diet Coke.

Being a teacher is always like being a game show host, except you can't let any of the contestants lose and Vanna White looks a lot like a lunch lady.

Being a teacher is always like being on an episode of 'Hoarders'.  Have you ever seen the inside of a First Grader's desk?

Being a teacher is sometimes like running a carnival merry-go-round.  Sure, you get spit on a lot, but you do find tons of spare change.

Being a teacher is always like being a chimney sweep.  It's dirty work, but there's a lot of singing and dancing to loopy music along the way.

Being a teacher is sometimes like being a comedian, except you can punish the hecklers.

Being a teacher is always like being cocktail waitress.  We get paid the same wage.

Being a teacher is sometimes like being a mom.  Especially when your students accidentally call you "mom".

Being a teacher is sometimes like being Dr. Phil.  Oprah occasionally gives you her "favorite things".

Being a teacher is sometimes like being statue.  When a kid farts, you can't laugh.

Being a teacher is sometimes like being a psychologist.  Except you have to listen to whining people literally cry over spilled milk.

Being a teacher is always like being Han Solo.  Handsome, witty and charming.  At least that is what it's like for me.

Being a teacher is always like the greatest job in the entire world.  I wouldn't want to do anything else.
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* I realize I am at 600 followers.  Homeless man post coming soon! I promise.

54 comments:

Oilfield Trash said...

Those are all hilarious. Well except for the pay one.

And looking forward to the homeless post.

Stolen Sentiments said...

Awesome. I wish my job was that interesting, but being an accountant is pretty much only like being bored and tired a lot...

Everyday Goddess said...

Great list, even the Dr. Phil part.

They are lucky to have you, honestly.

Kate said...

I <3 this post. Hilarious and true, even when it's sad but true. I especially love "literally crying over spilled milk". On days like today, I would add that being a teacher sometimes means that you eat your weight in chocolate bc they won't let you have alcohol on the job. :) But like you, I wouldn't want any other job.

Plain Jane said...

LOL, and again when I read this blog to my mom.

Kmama said...

Being a human resources professional is like working with a bunch of adults who never grew up past the 1t grade level.

dbs said...

Being a teacher is like reading a really excellent post on The Blog O' Cheese but you still can't help but point out that the writer used similes instead of actual metaphors in his post about being a teacher but that doesn't matter at all anyway because you still loved it like pancakes with peanut butter, bananas and maple syrup.

mintifresh said...

The thing that sucks about the waitress one is you can't wear a push up bra to get more tips because you don't get any tips! (you can read that a couple different ways hehehe)

Can't wait for the homeless post!!

The Church Lady said...

It takes a special kind of person to be a teacher. I have alot of admiration for you.

My daughter wants so bad to become a teacher. She wants to teach 1st grade or kindergarten. She will be an excellent teacher one day.

Joann Mannix said...

Here's one of my fave teacher stories: I was the kindergarten homeroom mom. Actually, I was pretty much the homeroom mom for all the grades because I'm a loser/sucker and the teachers know that. Anyway, they're was a little girl sobbing big buckets of tears. The teacher went over and comforted her and when she was through I asked the teacher what the problem was.

The teacher said, "We're five, that's what the problem is."

Loved that.

Also, too? I used to be a waitress in a bar in college, so I guess I was a cocktail waitress. Once I got a hundred dollar bill just for opening a bottle of champagne. So, some of us did pretty well for ourselves.

And one more thing, when you least expect it, expect it. You know of what I speak.

educlaytion.com said...

Dude. You've won me over on my first visit. Love this post. I think it's buzzworthy in my Saturday roundup. Good to read ya.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

That statue one must be the biggest challenge. I love your sweet ending to this. CONGRATS ON 600! I think you're going to break into record numbers of followers. You are so good!
xoRobyn

Vanessa said...

Being a teacher is like being on Hoarders...have you ever seen inside their filing cabinet? (You never know when you might need to use that handout/wksht. again)

Kristina P. said...

If being a teacher were like Dr. Phil, you would be a total sell out and hit on your students and not actually have a license to practice therapy.

But he's totally awesome.

Melinda said...

Being a mom is sometimes like being a crazy person...or is that just me?

Middle-aged Mormon Man said...

This list makes me wish I could go back in time and be a teacher instead.
Nevermind.
I still have a soft spot for money. I'm gonna go get in the jacuzzi.

lisleman said...

being a teacher means you makes lists of things. Do all teachers do that? My daughter the speech teacher is the queen of lists and organizing. Your students will someday be glad they had you. good post

-stephanie- said...

NO way could I be a teacher. If anyone farts, I laugh.

Janiece said...

I always get such a smile from your post...off to share your blog with some of my friends that are teachers.

Jennifer Hillier said...

There's really nothing more honorable than being a teacher. :)

Congrats on the 600-plus followers! Wow!

imbeingheldhostage said...

At least Cocktail waitresses get tips... wait, you get those too. You're given loads of tips from Jimmy.

lifeshighway said...

Great list, I new you were handsome.

Kelly said...

Very funny list! Who says you can't laugh when they fart? Is that in the teacher's handbook?

Jenn said...

You said fart!! LOL

tammy said...

And how many things with apples on them have you been given over the years?

I wish I would've become a teacher.

Pearl said...

You are so funny. I'll bet you're a great teacher.

Pearl

ThreeOldKeys said...

Being a teacher is always like being a cocktail waitress?

Are first graders big tippers? Or do they give you pretty pebbles and acorns? Do you wear an apron so you can pocket those broken crayons and feathers and used kleenex?

I sure wish more of my teachers had had a sense of humor. Even when you can't laugh, I bet you twinkle.

Bees With Honey said...

Being a teacjer from a man's perspective = interesting and funny!

I think you pretty much covered the important stuff but I could add SO much more!!!

Lisa Loo said...

"Being a teacher is always like being Han Solo. Handsome, witty and charming"....and don't forget the Jew-Boy hair........

Amy said...

The truth can be so funny sometimes, can't it?

Mindy said...

My favorite: the statue one. Sending this on to the teachers in my family (there are a lot of them!)

Lene said...

And being a Mom means we only hope we have teachers like you in our lives.

You seriously don't laugh? I could never be a teacher.

Crystal Pistol said...

I laughed aloud about when they call you "mom". I'm sure it happens often.

My 2nd grade son has a male teacher with long hair (the info about hair length is superfluous info). Dude teachers ROCK!

You're funny, Mr. Cheese!

TesoriTrovati said...

Yea for the homeless man post! I mean, not yea for homeless men, but for your 600th follower.
Enjoy the day!
Erin

SueLovesCherries said...

Abe, I didn't know you were that deep! I can relate to many of these - I've worked as a high school sub and secretary, and a Children's Church leader for quite a few years.

M-Cat said...

You really can't laugh when someone farts? REALLY?

Like your list and love the fact that you love teaching. Hope you are still around and Chloee is still around for 1st grade.

Lindsay Blogs said...

Totally wish you were my kids' teacher. Parent-Teacher conferences would be so much more fun.

Emmy said...

Congrats on over 600 followers!! The farting one, too funny.
And I agree, teachers are way under paid

W.C.Camp said...

Teaching is tough work but I'd never be good at it. I love watching the kids grow as individuals. I don't love having to deal with societal problems when I just want to teach. I love to challenge students with problems but I have no desire to grade their papers. It is a wonderful job, but today it takes VERY SPECIAL people to be able to handle all the facets of the job effectively. I know my limitations. W.C.C.

Eva Gallant said...

Those are too funny! I was a high school and adult ed teacher for 17 years and I can identify with several of those!

Martha (MM) said...

Can't wait for the hobo post!
I work at a school too - office lady here. I wouldn't want to work anywhere else either! :-)

Melinda said...

Being a teacher is like being part of Lord of the Rings. Mostly I'm around silly hobbits who do stupid things. There are occasionally Gimmli moments of emotional explosions. Every couple of years I get a class full of peaceable elves, but every year there is always at least one Sauron I get to be best friends with.

Love your list!

MiMi said...

Okay...seriously?
I could NOT not laugh when a kid farted. For real. I'm such a child!

Julie said...

Love this. My students call me Mom all the time. And they're 17 so it's complimentaryslashinsulting.

Strong work. The greatest job ever.

Ms.Wasteland said...

You can't laugh at the farting kids? Good thing I didn't listen to my mother and go into teaching.

Teachinfourth said...

Amen to all of these, Abenator...especially the not being able to laugh part.

"Miss Bee" said...

This is *almost* enough to make me wish I had taught 1st grade! My first thoughts as a recovering high school teacher:

- being a teacher is NOT like being a comedian, although it IS like being a statue - because those teenagers are hilarious, but usually inappropriate, so you have to refrain from laughing

- If one of my students called me "mom" my first couple years, it would have meant that I had birthed a child at age about age 5

- I WAS a cocktail waitress. I made more than I did as a teacher, but I didn't have benefits. (and I had to work until 3 in the morning)

- No disagreements on being a psychologist. Except instead of hearing kids literally cry over spilled milk, they are crying over abusive boyfriends, pressure to take pills, and trying to figure out how to pay rent since their mom can't be bothered to get a job.

Gosh, could I be any more depressing? (Insert sad violin music here.) Fortunately, I had my "Princess Leia" moments and was able to make a difference in one or two. I just hope that a few more get the influence of a Hans Solo like you while they are still young!!

The most important thing in common is that teaching really is the best job!

Pat Tillett said...

Being a good teacher is being multi-talented... They should be paid for that talent!

The Teacher's Pets said...

I agree with all of your viewpoints about regarding the joys of teaching but the one I like best is the description of a student's desk being compared to an episode of "Hoarders". I can't even count the amount of desks that have somehow collected months worth of stickers and stale food!
By the way, you won the Silly Saturday Photo Caption Contest so be prepared for a lot of applause and well wishes and perhaps some new blog followers! I am adding your name to the honorable Silly Saturday Hall of Fame and I am sending you a Silly Saturday Certificate and a silly prize soon. I just need you to send me your mailing address via misskitty32504ATyahooDOTcom asap!

Lourie said...

I thought it was time for 600 post. I also hoped I had not missed it!! That being said, thank you for teaching! Not just anyone can do that.

Marnie said...

My daughter is in Grade 1. I think her teacher would enjoy this post. The poor thing looks exhausted at the end of the day...while my daughter is jumping with energy to spare.

Erin said...

I teach piano, and many of these definitely pertain to me.

Armand Cordero said...

This is great. I graduated last year and since then have thought that one day I might like to tutor part time at a university. Pass on any wisdom I've hopefully picked up along the way. When I say wisom, I mean drawing.

Jason, as himself said...

This is exactly right! I am definitely going to share this.