Thursday, March 17, 2011

This Month in Cheeseboy Facebook Status Updates

As you may know, I am an avid Facebooker.  (Although recently I have also become quite the Twitterer.) Here is a list of this past month's favorite updates.  I'd love to hear your favorite or least favorite. 


3-16-11 at 7:00 PM: I'm ashamed to admit than when I play my 4yo son in MarioCart, I never tell him when he's going the wrong direction.


3-15-11 at 8:40 PM: Sometimes I feel like I am walking on eggshells. It's at that moment that I realize that someone has put a chick incubator on the floor.


3-15-11 at 7:05 PMYou're looking at the First Grade Dance Off Champion - - 7 years running now. Broke out some new moves that none of the first graders saw coming. Congratulations to me for tearing up that dance floor today! (And by "dance floor", I mean one of those colorful rugs that first graders sit on.)


3-14-11 at 6:57 PMIf you own one of those giant bounce houses... and you haven't filled it with the neighborhood cats wearing miniature football helmets... well, you're just wasting everyone's time.


3-12-11 at 12:49 PMI am not saying I am a ladies man or anything, just that for whatever reason, 95% of the facebook "likes" I get are from women.


3-11-11 at 3:05 PMI wore a suit to school for the first time ever yesterday. First thing a kid says to me is, "Mr. Yospe, it's NOT Sunday and it's NOT the prom!"


3-9-11 at 8:44 PMI overheard this ACTUAL conversation from two of my first grade boys today: "I've put on a few pounds." "Really? I think that's normal. How many?" "Like 60 since I was born."


3-8-11 at 7:03 PM: Just saw a commercial that saying that if my kids eat fruit snacks, a kid in Africa might get a laptop. Wouldn't it make more sense if I buy a laptop, Africa kids would get fruit snacks?


3-7-11 at 6:11 PMJust heard a giant CRASH in my 4 year old, son's room. A few moments later he came out and started looking for a glue stick.


3-7-11 at 4:13 PMLast night I read from the book of Genesis for the first times in YEARS. Today Phil Collins retires. Coincidence? Only God knows.


3-6-11 at 7:10 PM: Arby's is supposed to be 100% roast beef, but I'm always a little suspicious because of all that horsey sauce lying around.


3-5-11 at 3:25 PM‎"Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers." And this is exactly why every night I pray to hear Garth Brooks songs.


3-4-11 at 2:59 PMCelebrating 13 blissful years of marriage tonight. It was so awesome of our parents to allow us to get married at age 14. Cool that we had such progressive parents at the time.


3-3-11 at 5:19 PMIf I had a time machine, I would travel back to 1985 and make a movie about the the year 2011. And in that movie, Michael J. Fox would play the part of "Awesome, Handsome Teacher Abe", Charlie Sheen would be played by his father, Martin. And Gary Coleman would play the part of Justin Bieber.


3-2-11 at 4:46 PMI got a warning letter from the garbage collectors for placing a styrofoam cup in the recycling can. Thinking of tossing an entire human made out of styrofoam just to mess with them. The irony will be that I will have him holding a paper cup.


3-1-11 at 7:11 PMI guess there's been more than a genie in Christina Aguiler's bottle.

2-28-11 at 4:23 PMNo way Eclipse shouldn't have won last night for "Sound Editing" for editing out all that excess crew laughter at the dialog.

2-27-11 at 1:22 PMFingers crossed that this is the year the Oscars finally recognizes me for best costume for my Oct. 31 portrayal of "Lunch Lady"

2-26-11 at 9:13 PMI've never in my entire life typed an emoticon. So, I am attempting my very first one here on facebook for all (meaning all 15 of you that don't have me on "hide") to see. Here goes nothing -------->>>> C;/

FYI: That's me with a very large brain, winking and feeling ho-hum about watching the Weather Channel at an unreasonable hour. 

Forget it, emoticons are not for me.

2-25-11 at 4:39 PMI hope the next Middle East dictator to step down is Yogaba Gaba.

2-24-11 at 4:42 PMBoth my sons now both own a male Betta fish. AKA: Chinese Fighting Fish. No one at the pet store even questioned us purchasing two at the same time. Now I see how Michael Vick could get away with it so easily.

2-22-11 at 9:45 PMSaw an ad for the seafood at the Golden Corral. Pretty sure this is the first time I have ever got diarrhea from simply watching a commercial.

2-21-11 at 1:00 PM: Both Disney-On-Ice AND the Monster Truck rally are in town this month. They should just combine the two. "Monster Trucks on Ice!" But be sure to have your kids wear earplugs, Ariel's death screams can be a little frightening to the young ones.

2-20-11 at 5:58 PMI think you SHOULD hide your light under a bushel because it could start a bushel fire. And if there is one thing I know about bushel fires it's that they're friggen' awesome.

2-19-11 at 2:36 PM: I think an exception to the rule "Don't kill the messenger" would be killing a Singing Telegram Barbershop Quartet in a Humvee.

2-18-11 at 3:10 PMWhen I was a kid I dreamed of being a comedian. I became a teacher, which is kinda like being a comedian, except I can punish the hecklers.

*If you have not yet read my last post, "How to Comment on a Lady Blog", Be sure to scroll down and do so. It's proving to be very popular.

41 comments:

Kate said...

1st graders putting on weight and comedian/teacher, with honorable mention going to horsey sauce and the styrofoam man with a paper cup.

Your seafood @ Golden Corral made me laugh. When I was 20, my 19 year old brother got married. I rode out to Virginia with my parents and 14 year old brother. The wedding was a justice of the peace wedding, with the "reception" being a family dinner at Shoney's...where they just happened to have a $9.99 all you can eat seafood buffet. My little brother wanted that, and we gave him a hard time about his "expensive" dinner: "$10??? You better eat ALLL you can eat!!"

It will come as no surprise to anyone that we spent the entire drive from Virginia with my dad pulling the car over every 15 min so my brother to throw up, my mom yelling at my dad to find a hotel, and me laughing hysterically (and covering my nose every time my brother breathed).

Kristina P. said...

I once got giardia when I saw an advertisement for a restaurant in Magna.

lisleman said...

"Like 60 since I was born." - great one
Ok so you keep all you status updates. You must because FB certainly doesn't make it easy to go back in time which I would think would be easy for them to do. You pretty much are stuck with just search on people not funny status updates. Oh, (this is sad for me) I actually remember reading a few of your updates.

laughingmom said...

With you on emoticons - sounds more like an emo kid at comicon.

NotaSupermom said...

I very much enjoy your tweets and weep at the end of a day without one.

The Stiffs said...

Thanks by the way for commenting on my lady blog and why in the world aren't you my FB friend?

Mighty M said...

You need to write a book on how to write your Facebook updates - hilarious!

Lene said...

loved the MarioKart...just because I thought I had a pretty clever comment on that one.

Cats in a bouncy house...classic.

And the Yogaba Gaba one...

Susan in the Boonies said...

My favorite: "Saw an ad for the seafood at the Golden Corral. Pretty sure this is the first time I have ever got diarrhea from simply watching a commercial."

I feel funny just copying and pasting it.

I think that says something right there.

Oilfield Trash said...

I would go to see monster trucks on ice. That would be cool.

cb photos said...

Honestly I really enjoy your updates, they are so clever! I bow to your superiority because I cannot for the life of me think of good updates, everyday all I want to put is either "I'm so tired." or "I'm hungry." Its true.

Melinda said...

Dang it, that last one was ME. :)

Bossy Betty said...

You've been very busy! I like that in a man.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

I am so glad you post these on your blog, Cheeseboy. Your status reports are hilarious, and I don't often do the facebook thing. Thanks for keeping me/us posted.
xoRobyn

imbeingheldhostage said...

And do I ever see these? No, I get pages and pages of things that make me question if my "friends" ever leave their computers to even go to the bathroom.

Gary Baker said...

Wanna swap friends?

Tony Van Helsing said...

Combine the Monster Trucks on Ice with the bouncy castle full of helmet wearing cats and you've got the greatest show on Earth.

A Daft Scots Lass said...

You have much too much time on yer hands.

Mrs. Potts said...

Michael Vick is probably standing up & applauding you for recognizing how difficult it was for him. Ha!

This had me laughing out loud - thanks for that on a Friday morning when I'd much rather NOT be at work & instead sitting outside drinking mimosas.

Then again, I wish I could do that every day.

fnkybee said...

You are a funny man! I enjoy reading your blog immensely!
Have a rock'n Friday!

Jenn said...

Your facebook status updates are some of my favorite posts! This was a good list!! lol Laughed so hard I scared the cat!!

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Styrofoam in the recycling bin?! You thug!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

The Golden Corral one got me!

baygirl32 said...

so if 95% of my likes on facebook are from girls too, what does that make me?

TesoriTrovati said...

Seriously? Phil Collins retired?! Where have I been all month? I am just so glad there is you, Cheeseboy, to keep me up to date on all the major news happenings I may have missed ;-)
(See? That is the only emoticon that I can master ;-)
I do like the dance off and the fact that you are a comedic dance champion. I am sure there are pint sized hecklers on both accounts standing in the corner slapping the heck out of erasers, or whatever it is that newfangled teachers make them clean. (Do you need to bang dry erase markers together to loosen the dirt? I think that I would miss the telltale signs of slapping chalk filled erasers up against the building, which was a no-no when I was a teacher).
I do agree that they blew it on the sound editing for Eclipse. You nailed that one.

Enjoy the day, Abe!
You make me smile ;-)
(see? There it goes again!)
Erin

Heidi (lilmommyfoofoo) said...

Oh boy..Gary Coleman as Bieber...All of these are hilarious. Fave one though, hands down, is the emoticon one. LOL!

Emmy said...

Yes you are never a friend I will hide on FB as you always make me laugh... Well except for during football season. ;)

Lisa Loo said...

Love these! Wish I saw them on a more regular basis.

Fav+ I guess there was more than a genie in Christina A's bottle........

BWAHAHAHAHa...

"Miss Bee" said...

Betta Fish/Michael Vick sympathy post is my favorite!!!

FabuLeslie said...

The first one, the conversation between the first graders about putting on weight, and the one about genesis and phil collins. Fuunnnny!

Lourie said...

Today's was pretty awesome. haha. Did I put a "like" I can't remember. I did like it though.

I've never been to Golden Corral. I think I am glad for that.

M-Cat said...

Your FB posts make me laugh and are just one more way to get the Abe humor!

Pat Tillett said...

too many great ones to pick out just one! I am also guilty of the first one though... No time for twitter for me! I'm glad you post 'em here!

Joann Mannix said...

You're cracking me up more than you usually crack me up which is pretty crack-ass cracky.

You know what I think? I think you should switch your profile pic to your lunch lady pic. Now, that Cheese, would be awesome.

A few years back when I was the PTA president, I was choosing a caterer for a school event. I had my 4 year old girl in tow as I went around town, checking out all the various restaurants on our school's list of suggestions.

The Golden Corral manager was very nice and invited us to a complimentary lunch right then. As he took us up to the big feeding trough explaining all the "stations" my 4 year old started to cry and wailed, "This place is yucky." She pointed to something that resembled stew and said, "I don't eat poop."

She was a wise old soul in a preschooler's body.

Flea said...

Definitely the cats wearing miniature helmets. I'm now considering getting one of those giant blow up things just to try it. First victim - our cat, Lou the Loud.

W.C.Camp said...

I can accept marrying very young here in the Midwest, it is the marrying your cousin part that's the rub! W.C.C.

Teachinfourth said...

Had several favorites...one of those was: I am not saying I am a ladies man or anything, just that for whatever reason, 95% of the facebook "likes" I get are from women.

I even didn't like on purpose.

The Church Lady said...

Hahahah - all too funny! Especially like that you wore a suit to school for the first time and it wasn't Sunday, nor was it the prom!!! Bwaaahhaahaa!!

Keep em' coming!

Powdered Toast Man said...

I have been commenting for awhile now and none of my dreams have come true. I think your blog might be broken. You might want to take it to the doctor.

Kelley said...

How could I pick just one?? These are all so awesome. I love the one about the Mario Kart, though. My little dude just keeps ramming into the wall or driving totally backwards while I sail ahead cackling at the top of my lungs or yelling, "HEEE!HEEE!!" He's 2.

The Zany Housewife said...

I'm so snagging the cats in the bounce house one. You know, because I'm original like that.