Thursday, March 24, 2011
Questions I have asked the Facebook Admins
- Hello. Sometimes when I post a status update, my friend Mitchell is the only one that ever responds. Could there be a problem with my feed or is Mitchell messing with me somehow? Cause I hate that guy! Should I de-friend him? Thoughts?
- Hi Facebook people. I posted as a status update that I was de-friending Mitchell and he responded that he wants his litter box back. He doesn't even have a cat anymore! Lots of people have been commenting that I should give Mitchell back his litter box so my previous concern is no longer valid. I thank you for your time in this matter.
- Hello. I seem to be having a problem with my friend count. I am currently stuck at 598. I have been at 598 for almost TWO WEEKS! I dropped Mitchell as a friend and I am STILL at 598. (I added Barbara.) There must be a bug or something. Do you need screen shots?
- Yes. Hello. I have been having problems "liking" things. For example, in real life I "like"candy bars. On Facebook, I like candy bars, but I can't exactly eat them there, you know? Is there a way to "like" something that you can't really have? I don't know. At my house, I go to my cupboard and pull out a candy bar and then say "like". On Facebook, it's the exact opposite, I like something and then I end up with nothing. It just seems very counterproductive to me.
- I heard that if you say "Tiger's Blood" three times while looking at your Facebook wall, your profile picture turns into Charlie Sheen. Is this true?
- I have another "like" problem that I would like you to address. I have all these female friends that I like, but I am married, which causes some problems. I mean, I like these women, but I don't like like them, you know? I feel awkward about clicking "like". Maybe there could be a "Like, but not like like, you know?" button.
- Hello "friends". When I die, I would like my Facebook picture promptly removed - but I'd like a reminder of my love for my friends posted to all of their walls. (Not Mitchell!) Maybe a post of a virtual flower or a kitten sitting in a sink holding a little note that says, "Abe's Dead"? Is this possible?
Also, I may or may not actually give you a warning note letting you know that I am passing away, so you might have to check the obituaries. If you get a message from me that seems half-written, you can just assume I am gone and follow through with this plan.
- Hello. I'm wearing glasses in my current profile picture. I no longer wear glasses. Is there a way to edit out the glasses?
- Still having problems with my friend count. It was at 599 for a day or so, but then went back down to 598. Maybe you could "loan" me like 100 fake friends or so just so I can get off 598? (Mitchell has 612. It'd kill him if I got more!)
- Hi, I've been on Facebook for three years now and every time I try and access