Tuesday, March 15, 2011

How to Comment on a Lady Blog

A typical follower of the Blog O' Cheese
When my blog first went "big time"*, I made a straddling realization...

If I wanted people to comment, I may  actually have to comment on their blogs first. It was a Catch 22.  If I wanted to catch at least 22 comments, I would have to comment on at least 22 other blogs.**

The fortunate/unfortunate problem I was experiencing with blog surfing was that 90% of blogs were owned and operated by women for women.  Now, I loved getting comments, but I often was stumped as what I could write on diaper changing, GNO (Girls Now Obnoxious) and stuff having to do with periods and maximum paddings and shirtless Matthew McConkeys.  It was too much to handle.

And so, I developed a plan.  I created a set of generic comments that I could use for almost any lady blog.  I could then just scroll through my list of preset responses and copy and paste the one that best fits their current post.

Now that I have let you in on this patented*** Cheeseboy secret, I might as well share my list of comments.  Feel free to comment on THIS post using any of them that you see fit.

Cheeseboy's List of Generic Lady-Blog Comments****

 - Wow. Your kids are quite energetic.  I bet you have a hard time keeping up with them!

- So sorry for your loss.  My prayers are with you.

- Happy birthday!

- We've all had issues with our thongs every now and again. My issue is always the athletes foot, yours is a different kind of fungus.

- Didn't even realize you could do piercings there. Is that safe? How do you apply deodorant?

- My wife uses ammonia and bleach to get that kind of stain out. Always together.

- I've been to Walmart many times and that type of handsy harassment by the greeter has NEVER happened to me.

- If I were around that many giddy women for that amount of time, I'd probably shoot myself in the heart with a crossbow.

- I hate it when my hair does THAT!  But my highlights shine much more brightly at the noonday hour.

- I'd enter this giveaway, but I'm really not that interested in a Etsy shop bracelet.  Unless they are made with hemp. 

- I'd go to spin class but I fear I'd get much too dizzy. 

- Your husband is such a giant jerk!  All men are... except for me.  I am the exception.  I am like a woman, only I like woman. Well, one woman. And I'm funny. I am like Ellen Degenerous and your husband is like Charlie Sheen.

- It was a blessed day when my boys had their first crap on the potty.

So, there you have it.  A comment for every occasion.  Feel free to copy and paste mine, but add your own twist to it.  I don't want these women to come on to me.  Wait, I mean, I don't want them to catch on to me.

* By "Big Time" I mean other people worship me.  Not as "the God", but as "a God".

** Honestly, I have no idea what a Catch 22 is.

*** Not patented yet, but the paperwork has been filed. 

**** Actually, I do try and personalize each comment I make.  I do make some effort to actually prove I READ the post.

112 comments:

ShanimalsCrackers.blogspot.com said...

My favorite comment to receive is:

Hi, I'm SO glad I found you on the blog hop. You have SUCH a great sense of humor. I'm your newest follower. Hehe. Won't you be neighborly and return the favor? ;)

ShanimalsCrackers.blogspot.com said...

Oh, I also wanted to say:

I liked your generic response about the kid using the potty.

A few weeks ago I received a text from a friend telling me "Bob went poop on the toilet all by himself!"

I don't need a play by play on your kids' bowel movements.

Saimi said...

Hummm, feel free to use anyone of those great comments on my blog..it will be fun to see what you come up with!

Not a bad idea!

Yanet @ 3 Sun Kissed Boys said...

Thanks for the God clarification.

-stephanie- said...

- Wow. Your kids are quite energetic. I bet you have a hard time keeping up with them!

But since you are a first grade teacher, then I guess it's your job to keep up with them.

I appreciate your sincere comments.

Susan in the Boonies said...

And I thought you MEANT all those lovely things you said to me....

~sputter~

~choke~

~sob~

Bees With Honey said...

Wow. Was the HAPPY BIRTHDAY you left me on my blog generic? LOL

Kidding. You said you were doing the age reversal thing like Brad Pitt in that movie. What movie????

"Miss Bee" said...

If the male to female ratio for 1st grade teachers in Utah is similar to Texas, chances are you have quite a bit of experience with wedding showers, baby showers and various other "female" events that have primed you well for commenting on lady blogs. If not, you truly do have a God given blogging voice and I can't wait for you to have 600 followers!

Antares Cryptos said...

Going in the potty rather than anywhere but, is one of the greatest human achievements. So I'm told.

The Twin Spin said...

I love that you call them (us? me?) "lady bloggers." So proper.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Nicole said...

You most definitely have entered a world of women writers! You handle it with ease. I only wish more men would blog!

Sarah said...

That is hilarious... honestly, I"m pretty sure that a lot of women are doing the same thing! :) Not ME per se... but "women"...
Blog on Cheeseboy!

Leanne said...

I hate it when my post does THAT! But my comments shine much more brightly at the noonday hour, or when no one's reading them.

Thanks for the crib sheet. Very funny.

Carri said...

It was a blessed day when my boys had their first crap on the potty.

(Did it work? Do I seem original??)

Tom said...

Very funny. I can totally relate. For the longest time I felt like a creepy stalker guy whenever I left a comment on a blog that was dominated by women. I still think we need more testosterone in the blog world.

Kristina P. said...

I am sorry about your testicular cancer. My thoughts are with you.

Greta said...

Love it: "lady blog".

Kate said...

I knew I'd hit the big time when Cheeseboy commented on my blog. How did you know?

This post cracked me up. And it's so true...and works both ways. A guy blog friend of mine had publicly said he was wanting to lose weight, and a picture he posted made it look like he had. I struggled like you wouldn't believe (or maybe you would) to post a comment acknowledging his weight loss without sounding like I was hitting on him.

P.S. A "Catch-22" is when your readers laugh out loud at your blog post but then scrutinize every one of your comments from here on out for signs of genericism.

SherilinR said...

you've got a lot of women loyal to you & we don't seem to mind that you feed us all the same clump of lines. i think you should mix things up & start leaving the wrong comments on people's posts.
i've recently gotten a bunch of male readers & it definitely changes the flavor of the comment section. less with the, "girl, i always piddle when i giggle, too!" and more with the "hello ladies. i dig a nice rack."

Lene said...

We've all had issues with our thongs every now and again. My issue is always the athletes foot, yours is a different kind of fungus...I am just using this as my comment for every blog I read.

Melissa + Tiffany @ Home Grown Families said...

LOVE this post!!

Melinda said...

Hey, wait a minute...you've used EVERY SINGLE ONE of those comments on my blog!! Way to blow your cover!! Now I'm totally upset with you! :)

Middle-aged Mormon Man said...

Once again I came to the mountain, and left a wiser man. Thank you again, Oh Cheeseboy.

Sue said...

This is outstanding.

Out. Standing.

But you did omit the super-handy and totally reusable "Happy SITSday!"

Impulsive Addict said...

From one teacher to another teacher....

I'm giving you the STANDING O!

Please tell me you know this move.

And just so you know, you have lots of interesting commenters on a regular basis. And by interesting I mean messed up worse than Charlie Sheen on crack.

Alittlesprite said...

hmmm... I've only had ONE of these. Why is that MR Cheesy?
(I'm typing this with a half smile so you don't think I'm mad at you for not visiting my blog more)
Now for a cute wink emoticon ;)

Kal said...

HEY...you have made all those kinds of comments on my site. You totally phoned it in. I am hurt. Hurt.

Kelloggsville said...

I found your blog whilst on the nepotism mclinky carnival hoppity. I like your style. Please visit mine back.

The Chicken's Consigliere said...

If you'd just get an infusion of TigerBlood, you wouldn't need this list.

Holly said...

I found you on the Walmart SUCKS hop where there are PROMPTS to comment on JUST for YOU... Follow me back! EmK? *giggle* ;p

Nancy C said...

Snort. Awesome.

Dana K said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your honesty & vulnerability really shines through in this post. Thank you for sharing. {{{HUGS}}}

Joann Mannix said...

Dear Ellen,

Fess up. You LOVE straddling your two worlds, being the man in a woman's universe. And you do it quite well, I might add. And don't think I'm one of your worshippers. I just love cheese, preferably gouda.

Love,

Rosie O Donnell

laughingmom said...

OMG -you're a guy??? WTF!

Cathy Webster (Olliffe) said...

Happy Birthday!

Connie said...

I will refer back to this post for some time! Those are great comments.

Jenn said...

Lady-Blog...lol, that in itself is just funny. Now do you consider my blog a lady blog? I mean I am a lady ..at least I try to be sometimes.. but I don't talk about lady stuff...just food. Food's much easier to comment about it. I keep typing and I'm really not saying anything... wait.. let me start over:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Teisha said...

So, what do you say to a 'non-lady' blog? More like a, 'seriously, lady, you cuss way too much and talk about cow poop like it's a regular dinner table topic.' Wait, nevermind, I don't think I want to know. Feel free to use any of the preset comments on my blog anytime.

Silver Strands said...

So my question is this: nearing 600 followers, how much TIME each day do you spend commenting? Even IF you did copy & paste comments (it's clear you don't) - that would be terribly time consuming. Fess up and tell us how long and when you comment.

tammy said...

This is probably pretty similar to the standard list of answers you have for your wife when she asks you a question and you're not really paying attention.

elesa said...

why didn't I think of this?? it is brilliant, and would save me having to think, which i always try to avoid. i would type up a list for how to comment on a man's blog, but let's be honest. yours is the only one.

The Church Lady said...

The "Lady Bloggers" comments are just as funny to read (well, almost as funny) as your posts! I love your sincerity! I needed this laugh today, Cheeseboy. Thanks. Oh, and thanks for making me smile everytime you leave me a comment (generic or not).

mintifresh said...

What else would we possibly talk about if it weren't for tampons, potty training and labor and delivery?? Are there other topics??

I'm impressed you got such a candid shot of one of your fans!

Pedaling said...

eh-hem, i think i recognize a few of those comments.

Amanda said...

The potty comment? Pretty applicable, really.

And your comments come across as if you've read the entries, so at least you've got that going for you.

Kari Nitzel said...

Don't forget to add projects such as quilting, knitting, crocheting, scrapbooking, cooking and gardening. We do like to keep ourselves busy.

Natalie said...

I seriously love this...it's hilarious! The one about fungus and thongs just was a toe over the line, and still made me laugh and "eeewwww" out loud!

I'm including this on Saturday as one of my favorite posts of the week!

ThreeOldKeys said...

Well XXXXXXXX was funny XXXXXXX and probably would be in XXXXXXXXX posting whenever XXXXX thong in my heart XXXXXXXXX whatever fabulous XXXXXXX I totally agree XXXXXXXX was a real jerk XXXX vintage tablecloth XXXXXXXXXX XXXX XXXXXX enter to win XX X XXXX Tiger Blood Giveaway XXXXXXX or let me know if XXXXXXXXX 1000 followers XXXX Washington Irving.

J Yossarian

Rebekah Costello said...

The generic comment thing is all of our bloggy grab-bag of tricks, lol.

M-Cat said...

Notes to self:

Cheeseboy has confused me for being a "lady". That term is used loosley around me. Not that I'm loose, just the term lady.

Cheeseboy has completely stopped commenting on my blog because it's private and he hasn't requested an invite. Take that personally and cry big "lady" tears.


Don't be boring on Facebook or Cheeseboy will use his standard comments there too.

Duly noted

TesoriTrovati said...

Hilarious.
I can always count on The Cheese to make me happy!

Here is my fave:
- We've all had issues with our thongs every now and again. My issue is always the athletes foot, yours is a different kind of fungus.

Because really? That is perfectly appropriate content for a blog... if you are only conversing with your lady doctor or your Brazilian wax therapist! And even then? Not so much.

I love it when all persusasions come to visit me and my little blog. And I promise not to bore you with potty play-by-play (they are paper trained by now).

By the way... I told an entire table of bloggers all about your blog this past weekend when I attended an art retreat in DC area. It was funny. They all whipped out their smart phones and logged on to check it out (you know, just in case you see a spike in your stats on Saturday night ;-)

Enjoy the day!
Erin

Sparkling said...

ok, you win. i commented. i couldn't help myself. i don't have kids, so not a lot of kid posts over at my place. stop by and see what's going on!

The Zany Housewife said...

You killed it. Again.

Hilarious!

Mary said...

I'll be smiling for most of the morning. I found my way here by chance and have spent some time poking through your earlier entries. I'm so glad I did. I've had a great time and will definitely be back. Have a great day. Blessings...Mary

MiMi said...

I like it.
I'm pretty sure you've left one of those on my blog....? lol

Renee said...

Hmmm, these could be useful.
For those posts that I'm just not sure what to say.
Lady or gentleman bloggers.

Kelley said...

Hahaha!! I see what you mean. How ironic that I would speak of tampons on the day I read this post. So unlike me! I am copying this list now and taping it to my computer monitor.

randine said...

You're a genius! That list is awesome. You could use the one about my husband on my blog anytime, in fact you could use it every time and I would never get tired of hearing it. He really is kind of Charlie Sheen like- minus the millions of dollars, and now he actually reads my blog so I can't really say anything about him on my blog.
That's a catch 22.

Ms.Wasteland said...

I like to use this one:

Best. Post. Ever.

PS Happy Birthday!

Lisa Loo said...

I was wondering what your secret formula was......now I have to go see if any of your comments on my blog are "real" or if they are all cute and paste....

lisleman said...

catch 22 - I guess you were never in the military. You should watch the movie - funny stuff - the book is too long.
Lady Blogs - I had a reader once admit that she thought I was a woman blogger. I guess she just assumed because she read mostly lady blogs or maybe I didn't use the word fart enough.

Holly Ruggiero said...

Great post.

Holly Ruggiero said...

Likey my generic post when I find it hard to comment but still want to comment?

le Chef said...

Being a woman (or so I'm told) I somehow managed to relate to your distress in being able to comment on the mass infusion of potty, nursing, Aunt Flo, etc. blogs that consume the blogosphere.
Considering I have teens and have been married .. FOREVER .. my responses tend to be vague as well, unless I KNOW the poster won't suffer some sort of apocalyptic fit.
I think I'll have to try a few of yours.

However, the main reason I jumped to your blog was because it mentioned cheese. Cheese is so much more interesting than poo.

imbeingheldhostage said...

I'm not buying it that you actually read now-- it seems I have gotten nearly every one of those comments from you! The fact that they were all on one post was a little disturbing too.

Marnie said...

These were priceless! The thong comment is what put me into a fit of laughter.

Beth Zimmerman said...

I'm guessing Matthew was on One Cluttered Brain? :)

Amy said...

:) I think you have used some on my blog. How funny. I love that your wife gets stains out with bleach and ammonia. I hear that works great.

T said...

I'm copying and pasting... and then coming over and kicking some bloggy butt if I ever see these comments on my blog :) okay - except I'd probably laugh the first time... maybe.

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

As fun as it was to read your list, I have to say that that the comments left for you were equally as entertaining.
Especially the mens.

Uh oh... I hope my post today won't be considered a thong post!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Damn, I've been doing it all wrong!

purseblogger said...

Hahaha! Not offended at all. These are great. I am going to use some of them too.
(I know you are sincere Cheese. If I thought you weren't, I wouldn't come around.) :)

mama-face said...

If a comment paints a thousand words...

Shell said...

LMAO!!! I love these comments. I think you should write each out on slip of paper and randomly pull one out when you get to a blog and want to comment.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

YES!!!!! Um, can I use a couple of those? and yes, I read the post. I always do, because you sneak lil bits of stuff in that could getmissed.

Krista said...

Thank Heavens you didn't share my personal comment just for me. You know, "You're my favorite and always will be." I figured by the time you got to comment 76 this will be a blur and you'll just say, "Yeah." I hope you're making many dreams come true!

Fragrant Liar said...

Let me just return the favor with one of my standard Daddy blog comments: It's so refreshing when a man isn't afraid to get down and dirty, like when he's cool with baby poop under his fingernails. And really, size does not matter. Luv ya.

Lazarus said...

Cheesiest One,
Great idea and great post, I feel your pain. Loved the "Ellen Degenerous and Charlie Sheen" line. Funny stuff!

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

I'm grateful you never left me that thong comment. Thanks, Cheeseboy.
xoRobyn

Lourie said...

Hmmmm standard comments. Now that is sheer genius!

RavNsLove said...

We've all had issues with our thongs every now and again. My issue is always the athletes foot, yours is a different kind of fungus.

Followed. Glad I found you!

Mindy said...

I've been to Walmart many times and that type of handsy harassment by the greeter has NEVER happened to me.

KLZ said...

ammonia and bleach, eh? That's actually the deodorant I make to use with my new piercing.

Emmy said...

Happy Biryhday!!!

That was just the shortest one so it was the easiest to type. :p

DEZMOND said...

ah hahah ha ... this was beyond hilarious :))))

mice_aliling said...

Yo, Cheeseboy, with regards to your Photo, I am not a Momma :) but I still enjoy reading your blog :) --that's a Catch 22 for you!

Kristen said...

We've all had issues with our thongs every now and again. My issue is always the athletes foot, yours is a different kind of fungus.

PS - got something against woman today or something? - We are so much sexier looking when we read your blog....

GrammyMouseTails said...

Holey cheese logs! You have been comment spamming with generations of lady bloggers! Well at least I now know I am not the only one that you try to share your toe fungus with... by now you should know I abhor thongs ;) the poop comment should be mandatory esp in your profession. I hate to think you could be stuck in the little boys room at break time with 20 first graders needing changing! Now I need to make my own list for the mass of man bloggers that stop over... I have to stop bragging about my truck racing and mud wrestling ways.

blueviolet said...

Your ammonia and bleach comment is especially helpful. LOL

NotaSupermom said...

Happy birthday! I'm sorry for your loss.

Now you owe me one.

Tree said...

Hah ha! Glad you've never used any of those "canned" comments on my blog. ;) Or have you?! I've missed hearing from you, and need to make my rounds too. Glad you stopped by!!

Mrs. Potts said...

My highlights ALWAYS shine more brightly in the midday sun.

Again, laughing out loud on a Friday while thinking about mimosas. THank you!

MommaKiss said...

Happy Birthday! I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs.

Pat Tillett said...

You are just too darn funny!

moveovermarypoppins.com said...

So, what happens when a new reader hits this one first?

A super secret secondary list of less-generic-but-still-multi-purpose responses?

Funny stuff, this.

(oh, and Mommy of a Monster sent me)

Amanda said...

I love this:

Your husband is such a giant jerk! All men are... except for me. I am the exception. I am like a woman, only I like woman. Well, one woman. And I'm funny. I am like Ellen Degenerous and your husband is like Charlie Sheen.

The Invisible Seductress said...

Hilarious!!! (Note: this is NOT a generic comment)

Flea said...

My wife uses ammonia and bleach to get that kind of stain out. Always together.

Never with Pine Sol.

ThreeOldKeys said...

You know, I'm surprised you didn't number your list. So when you drag yourself over to a LadyBlog, you can just type:
4

Occasionally, add a bonus sincerity indicator.
4++

Also, I remembered where I first heard of LadyBlog. She was LBJ's wife ... she got daffodils planted along the highways around DC. They're blooming right now. If I could find her blog I'd comment.

tinkerbelle86 said...

loved this post, its brilliant! sometimes its hard to comment and you end up saying something really silly like "oh well, i hope tomorrow is better!" might try the thong one in future....

Teachinfourth said...

Wow. Your kids are quite energetic. I bet you have a hard time keeping up with them!

tiburon said...

You have left every single one of those comments on my blog.

The Empress said...

Oh, this was as good as Mommy of a monster said it was.

Came over from you being her monster pick of the week.

You're so good...

Jodi & Mark Hansen said...

How about this kind of comment: "General compliment of your writing skills, followed by a vague reference to something you said. Smiley!"

Today's Gift said...

Wow. Your kids are quite energetic. I bet you have a hard time keeping up with them! But somebody's gotta do it, right? Might as well be you.

katef said...

rofl... loved them all and would be honoured to have any of them appear of my blog!

Powdered Toast Man said...

Happy your-kid-took-a-crap-on-the-potty Day!!!

IT IS ALLY said...

In contrast, really the only comment to leave on a Man Blog is, "My God! This blog makes your junk look ENORMOUS."

Matty said...

As a fellow guy blogger, I think your idea is brilliant. I have the same problems finding the right comment to leave on a mommy blog post.

educlaytion.com said...

I remember the first time I shot my husband with a crossbow. He was on the potty. My thoughts are with you. Happy birthday.

Lady Anne said...

id still remember to put some gruyere cheese on my food and it taste good

MormonGirl123 said...

So sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you...