Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Hey companies: I'd like to know...

I have spent the last hour sending short emails to companies that I need answers from.   Hopefully, I will get actual responses to all of them, but I will definitely post the responses I do get ASAP.


To Bed Bath & Beyond:

Do you carry any electronic back messagers?  My back has been killing me ever since Vietnam. (It was a long flight.)

To Calvin Klein:

 Do you guys carry men's capris with matching suspenders? I couldn't find anything online.

To Swiss Army Knives:

Do you guys carry a pocket knife with a pull-out vile that could carry water or blood in it?

To Stetson Cowboy Hats:

Do you guys carry a specialized hat made for a more "urban" cowboy like myself?

To Five Guys Burgers and Fries:

My son has a massive peanut allergy. Do you guys cook anything in peanut oil?


To Legos: 

Have you guys ever considered building a Lego themed amusement park featuring all things Lego?  My family would be totally into that.

To Toys"R"Us:

Does Toys"R"Us have those electric shopping carts?  I'd like to buy my nephew a nice new toy, but I am really not willing to do much walking.

To Belts.com

I just made yellow belt in karate and I would like to buy a regular belt to commemorate the event.  Do you have any belts in yellow?


To Tony Lama Boots:

 Do you guys carry a specialized boots made for a more "urban" cowboy like myself?

To SkyMall.com: 

I am looking for a place to hide the key to my front door.  I bought one of your fake rocks last year, but I stupidly hid it in my rock garden.  Do you have anything BESIDES fake rocks to hide keys in? (Probably not fake plants too.  I garden.)

To Ann Taylor (I actually answered email for them for a month):

Is the "faux fur" on your coats made from real faux?

To Crocs.com:

Which croc would you recommend for someone that does a lot of farming? (NOT farmville!!! Mostly pig, but some corn.)

To 7-11.com

How come I can't get my own hotdog?  Don't you trust me?

50 comments:

MiMi said...

They're all good, but the 7-11 one has GOT to be the best!!

Kelley said...

I'm wondering if I'm the FIRST person to make a comment, will all of my dreams REALLY come true? I loved all of them, as usual, but especially the one where you asked if Ann Taylor sold real "faux". Ha! I asked them that SAME question recently! Not really! I like exclamation marks!! This post reminds me of when I contacted Big!Lots over a disagreement my friend and I were having regarding the exact meaning of the store's name. Anyway, great post! I hope you get that yellow belt in the mail soon!

Teachinfourth said...

If I worked at 7-11, I know that I wouldn't trust you. However, this is only because I've met you before...

Kelley said...

Dang it. My dreams won't come true after all. I see I was the 2nd person to comment. Apparently, I type too many dang words, dagnabbit.

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Did you really? Oh my gosh, that's freakin' awesome! Can't wait to hear what they write back!

Tammy said...

I am stumped. Some of these I know are true but others I can't tell if you're making it up. Does Calvin Klein really offer men's capri's with matching suspenders? I'd love to see you wear that!

My favorite is the Ann Taylor "Faux Fur"!

Kristina P. said...

That Swiss Army knife sounds like the Angelina Jolie/Billy Bob Thorton of knives.

Cherie said...

Men's Capri's with suspenders - Where did you come up with that one - Ha ha - Soo funny the picture in my mind!!

Skymall - Guffaw Guffaw!! (I know who says that right!) But Skymall ...so funny!

Baby Sister said...

SkyMall made me laugh so hard!!

W.C.Camp said...

What do FAUX look like and where can I get one. I need a fake pet to go with the fake cage I have in my house! W.C.C.

sinika said...

I thought of Angelina and Billy Bob with the swiss army knife too! And I was actually looking for a yellow belt at Target the other day... They don't have them. (I'll be sure to let you know if I find one.) Oh- and thanks for the sky mall reminder- my hubby's been wanting that foot tent for our bed covers forever!! It'll be a great Stocking stuffer. Are you planning on a gift guide post for the holidays? I think you should...

woman:confused said...

Nothing has changed since I last said this.
I love you.
A lot.
These rock!

Unknown Mami said...

You know, some of these are more like inventions on your part. I'm afraid some of these companies are going to steal your ideas and make a killing. Except for Legoland because it already exists.

Kaleena J. said...

LOL @ at the 7-11 one. I will answer for them. No. 7-11 trusts no one. I think It's their store motto.

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

How is it possible that you keep getting funnier? The "faux" one is my favorite, but these are all hilarious.
xoRobyn

Lourie said...

7-11 trusts no one. Just sayin'

Melinda said...

You're great, sadly I can really see someone seriously writing these. I bet you they've gotten a WHOLE lot worse!

Carol said...

you have a great sense of humor. Me and the hubz have a weird sense of humor we laugh at things most people don't. Faux fur is important, I hear it is big big big this year. Rachel Zoe is to die for it. Shut the front door! I mean bananas!

Carol-the gardener

ScoMan said...

I hope you get some responses. I look forward to seeing what they do come back to you with.

Mamma has spoken said...

I would be laughing except all I can focus in on is how many new spam emails you'll be recieving from this....

Melissa@Suger Coat It said...

Dear Cheeseboy, Does your blog come with a sneeze guard for beverages spat whilst reading and inevitably laughing?

Powdered Toast Man said...

They let you get your own hotdog if you bring in your own tongs.

blueviolet said...

7-11 STILL won't let you self serve? LOL

Ralph Lauren sells those capri/suspender sets. Saw them at Nordstrom last weekend.

-stephanie- said...

I don't think these are unreasonable questions. You should get answers to all of them. :oD

Jenn said...

All good questions...but I really hope Calvin Klein has some capris I think you'd look hot in them!!!

Marlene said...

Real Faux!! HA HA HA HA!!!! You crack me up!

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

Let's hope the person responsible for answering at Ann Taylor isn't like an ex-boyfriend of mine ... who actually thought "faux" was pronounced "fox." And that faux fur was ... well, I don't really have to explain.

I sure knew how to pick 'em.

The Church Lady said...

Dear Urban Cowboy - I lost my fake rock too! LOL. I sure hope you post the responses. Thanks for the laugh today and always...

Mikki said...

I can't wait to hear their replies.
I think you'd rock the capris with suspenders look. Add that to the swiss army knife and you're all set for a trip to the Alps!

Mommy Lisa said...

You WILL post the responses, right?

Writing Without Periods! said...

Ann Taylor, my fav store. Faux fur...you mean it's not real faux fur? I'm crushed.
Mary

McKenzie said...

That is too funny!

tammy said...

I just came across a blog that is nothing but letters this person has written to companies. I think you two should be BFFs.

And I wouldn't trust you to get your own hot dog either.

Garden of Egan said...

I loved the faux one the best!!!

I don't think I would shop at a place that wouldn't let me get my own hotdog.

Katie said...

sounds like somebody has too much time on their hands today! I have some household chores for you to do if you are still bored. Toilets scrubbing and some mopping mainly.

:-)

Nancy C said...

I bet Skymall has a cowboy hat for the urban dog. They are all about the doggie steps and groomers after all.

I think Skymall is best part of air travel, honestly.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

The fake rock one got me. Maybe they come labeled "Keys in here, stupid."

baygirl32 said...

7-11 and Crocs are the best!

Sam Liu said...

Wonderful, truly wonderful! The dear employees of the various businesses who read these must have such a good laugh :D

P.S. With reference to your comment on my blog, I would gladly answer any questions for your class project :)

The Mom @ Babes in Hairland said...

Hilarious! Guess what? Hailey gets to celebrate w/the Sev -- her b-day is actually 7/11! We called her our Slurpee baby for a while!

Thanks for the good laugh.

lisleman said...

why not start a faux farm to raise faux furry animals?

Missy said...

I want to hear more about this Anne Taylor gig...

Dolly said...

Loved the letters-and I want to ask a "first grade teacher"...When do you find time to blog? (now that your back in school). My son's teacher barely has time to wave...as I'm running away from the school parking lot:)

Emmy said...

I think the Ann Taylor one is my favorite. So funny.

M-Cat said...

I hope you get the answers you need. These are very important questions!
And now, I know what I want for dinner! A hot dog from the Sev.

SueLovesCherries said...

Get out! You've never heard of Legoland? There's one in Florida and one in California, just visit legoland.com!

Michelle Pixie said...

Now I am curious how many people will stumble across this post with a google search because they really need to know?! Bwahahahahaha

Jason, as himself said...

What a great idea! Such originality, Abe.

mama-face said...

LEGOS!! bwahahahahaha. (if only my son did NOT believe that there really is a legoland and that he did NOT think his parents are the worst parents in the world for not taking him, you know, to legoland).

Joann Mannix said...

Men's capris with suspenders and Bed Bath and Beyond back massagers are my faves. I have missed you dear cheeseboy.