Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The end of days are near. Rewards for everyone!

My wife is on her annual "Freedom from the Boys" vaca (as you hipster women call it) and I am home, allowing my sons to spend their day pestering the neighbors and wandering the streets unattended.  Life is good, so you can imagine my surprise when this little cherry-on-top landed in my lap... 
 
The End of Days Award

I received this award/warning from God from Sir Alex J. Cavanaugh: published Sci-Fi author and all around good guy.

Granted, I am not one to accept every trophy of pomp or endowment of circumstance, but this one is pretty cool.  It does comes with strings attached: dark, somber strings that end with the world exploding - unless, of course, Justin Beiber saves us all with his pre-pubescent magical powers and fluffy helmet hair.

Justin, to you, our lives, are in your hands.  Or something like that...

Poster of me because I support blog reading.
ANYWAY, as part of receiving this award, I am required to share how I would spend my last days before December 21, 2012.  Of course, I would spend these precious days laughing and enjoying time with my family.  Nevertheless, if my wife would have seen what I did today, it would be the end of my days this very hour.  So, I am therefore going to spin it: I am going to tell you the things that I would do while my wife is not around:

1. Leave lights on throughout the house and turn down the AC two degrees. She HATES this.*
2. Take the boys to McDonald's and get BOTH a value meal AND ice cream.* (I now feel like my stomach is using my internal organs like punching balloons; the kind with the long rubber band that  break and leave a welt on your arm.)
3. Blog, watch ESPN and listen to the new Arcade Fire album at the same time.*
4. Play two straight hours of Playstation NCAA Football.
5. Place the dirty dishes in the dishwasher in WHATEVER ORDER I DEEM APPROPRIATE.*

*Things I actually did today.  Shhh!  Don't tell her.

Finally, I would like to send a special SHOUT OUT to Ernesta at the McDonalds on 11th East and 3900 South!  (I know she probably reads my blog. I mean, who isn't reading the Blog O' Cheese nowadays?)  Not only does she speak English, she happily went into the back room, dug through a box of toys and returned triumphantly with a smile on her face while holding a Wolverine figurine above her head.  This small gesture meant the world to my four year old, who is an absolute Wolverine FREAK!

Sometimes, we focus so much on the bad customer service that we forget to acknowledge the good.

Ernesta, by the way, completely impressed me further when she very patiently waited on a deaf couple after me that had to write out their entire order and took at least 10 minutes.  Bravo Ernesta!  They should promote you to manager or the person that yells at the fry cooks.

62 comments:

ANewKindOfPerfect said...

Okay, putting the dishes in the dishwasher in whatever order you want - hilarious. Why does every man want to do that, while we women like it all nice and neat?

Yanet @ 3 Sun Kissed Boys said...

WOW, I wish Ernesta worked down here. My boys are driving me nuts trying to find that stupid Wolverine! Which by the way, I think they made just one of and it looks like Ernesta gave it to you. Congrats!

Pat said...

Boy, you just live on the edge - putting the dishes in the dishwasher ANY WAY YOU PLEASE! WOO-HOO!

Teachinfourth said...

Quite a productive day nonetheless! I figured on the last day that the earth was around I break out my Tiffany and Debbie Gibson albums and have a dance Revolution all by myself. After all - just like Tiffany - I've mastered the fine art of hand dancing and I think I have a denim jacket tucked away someplace.

Stolen Sentiments said...

Way to Carpe Diem! The only question is: Why haven't you played Playstation NCAA Football yet?

(BTW-I think you should follow my blog again..._

Nancy C said...

Sometimes, we focus so much on the bad customer service that we forget to acknowledge the good.

I love this. You're totally right.

On my last day on earth, I would totally not make my bed. How's that for hard core?

mintifresh said...

I can't believe you would mess up the dishwasher order. rebel.

Connie said...

I was at the Iceberg on 39th and 9th today. No Wolverine toys there!

My last day, I'd eat all the peanut M&Ms I wanted! Wait...I already do that!

Geof said...

Congrats on the award, Cheese. Well deserved my man. You are a great blogger as well as a great follower to your fellow bloggers.

Baby Sister said...

Looks like Mrs. Cheeseboy and I have some talking to do. ;)

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

Hell, I wouldn't care what order you put the dishes in the dishwasher, as long as you put them IN the dishwasher.

DeNae said...

There is a REASON dishes have to go in the dishwasher in a special order. It's so that you can fit more than two Maverick mugs and the four quart bowl you ate your ice cream out of after the kids went to bed.

And did you tell Ernesta that your wife was on a "vaca"? Did she think that it was funny that, while you were eating cows, the Missus was apparently riding them?

Hee hee.

Meathead said...

2 hours playing playstation? TWO? That's IT? You come live with me. Twitch will turn on the xbox and I won't see him for at LEAST 5 hours. He doesn't even put the dishes IN the dishwasher.
Are you some kind of fairytale male who woman compare their guys to? you must be.
I'll let Twitch read this and then he'll KNOW he has someone to compete with!
:P

Tammy said...

I love your #1!!! She's definitely my parents child :)

Lori said...

Congrats on your award. But, did you seriously just call Girls Camp a "vacation"???

lisleman said...

hey maybe you have a different arrangement but didn't you miss a big one - toilet seat can be left up
I'm enjoy some solo time and visiting a favorite place - Waffle House.

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

Now, I'm a big fan of Ernasta's too. I'll order a value meal AND ice cream from her anytime when I'm in UT. Ssh, don't tell your wife.
Congratulations on your "end of the days are near" award!
xoRobyn

Kelley said...

Gracias, Blog de Queso! Tu eres muy chistoso, si? Adios, mi amigo nuevo!

-Ernesta

P.S. Quieres mas papas?

Melinda said...

You're a brave man to take your kids to McDonalds after my post about the real urine tube!

I hope your wife never finds this post. You're a dead man.

W.C.Camp said...

YAY Ernesta!! Nice that you appreciate the rest of us little Babybel cheeses since you are now such a big cheese.

Congrats on the award and list of perfectly reasonable expectations for your final days! W.C.C.

Silver Strands said...

Seriously? It would be a value meal??? Live a little! Get a super-sized big mac meal (with cheese, of course), and eat it there so you can keep filling up your soda. And cheers to Ernesta! Hooray for people like her! (and to people like you for noticing)

Rachel said...

See, the difference between you and my husband is that he'd do all those things in my absence... then get totally grumpy because he actually WANTED to get something done. But I apparently had held a gun to his blogging fingers (long distance, you know) and forced him to visit his bloggy buddies for 3 hours in a row... Yeeeah... I'm not buying it either.

And WHOO-HOO for Ernesta! People who are kind to kids are good people. Period.

And people who are kind to deaf people... hey, I like them a lot :)

ScoMan said...

If it really were the end of days, I know what my first act would be..

Burn down my office...

natalee said...

LOL!!!!! Damn you got the wolverine!!! I keep getting Spiderman and the damn hulk. Im glad you paid tribute to such an awesome customer service rep......AHHHHHHH111.... love your list!!!!

Powdered Toast Man said...

That award was made by Chuck at Apocalypse Now.

I am sooo going to tell your wife what you did. I will keep it secret but only for 6 gum balls (3 red & 3 blue), a box of crayola crayons and a case of pop rocks.

Joan said...

The dishwasher disdain would definitely count as "end of days" for man of the house!

I hope Mrs. Cheese is enjoying her vaca and not reading your blog.

Jenn said...

I love to hear stories of good customer service, too bad they are so far and few between!!!

Mamma has spoken said...

You sure you weren't here at my house/ Because it sounds like a normal day here with the hubby and sons.

The Church Lady said...

Well at least you PUT the dishes IN the dishwasher. lol.

It's not often these days to find good workers such as Ernesta. She should definintely get the "Employee of the Month Award".

Enjoy your "free" time and your quality time with the boys.

Joann Mannix said...

See, we both acknowledge those awards that speak to us. For me, it was the Copulating Barbie award. You picked the End of Days. Let's dwell on that for a minute, shall we. It speaks volumes, but mainly it says that somebody's a bit of a Debbie Downer. Hmmm?

So Deb, if it were the end of the world for me, I would eat everything. No more self discipline. I would gorge on stuffed pretzels filled with jalapeno cheese. I would drink Funfetti cake batter, the whole thing, like it was a milk shake. I would go to Cold Stone and get every kind of chocolate and cookie and hot fudge thing they had and mix it in a Gotta Have It sized gob of birthday cake ice cream. And after I was done gorging I would go to all the shoe stores in town and swipe every pretty, sparkly shoe they had and spend the last minutes on Earth quickly changing from one pair to another. The thought alone makes my heart flutter.

I am going to download me some Arcade Fire right now.

Bossy Betty said...

Sounds like a wild time while the woman is out! Pace yourself, man!

baygirl32 said...

You rebel! Congrats on your award

tammy said...

Good thing your wife doesn't read your blog.

That Ernesta story just warmed my heart.

Saimi said...

You're walking the line boy, walking the line!

Just so you know, you're not fooling anybody cause the day before your wife gets home those dishes will either be clean and put away or in the dishwasher the way she wants them!

Ernesta the man, well WOMAN!

-stephanie- said...

I so love your wife even more for the 2 degree air conditioner gripe. Just last night my husband and I quibbled over 1 degree of cool air. I want it 2 higher, but I only did 1, and he noticed the difference. But then again I freeze over the 1 degree difference too.
Anyway, YAY to your wife for being normal. Hope she has a great girl vacay.
I only dream of my husband getting dishes in the dishwasher. I tell him it's OK to put them in any old way, but he doesn't believe me. So in the sink they go.
Have fun with the boys.

tiburon said...

Three cheers for Ernesta! And I think I like your wife a little bit more.

Not that I didn't like her before...but now it is a little more.

Pearl said...

I do love how you write.

And when Ernesta is tired of your neighborhood, send her to mine. I've only been to the McDonald's three times this year but have failed to understand what the guys at the drive-thru are saying every time.

Pearl

Marion Williams-Bennett said...

As much as we love our spouses, there really is nothing like having time at home alone. Great list especially the dishwasher.

Just noticing that December 21, 2012 will be my 50th birthday...coincidence?

Emmy said...

My husband is the master dish loader. So those days were I actually get the dirty dishes loaded before dinner, well he often does some rearranging, so I just save it for him :)

Ally said...

great now i want a happy meal.

Missy said...

I want a camera put up to see what my DH does when I am not around. He is pretty outrageous when I am here! Did you pre-wash those dishes?

Marlene said...

Dude- you can come load my dishwasher any day. I'd be happy if people around here just plain LOADED IT period...who gives a crap if it's in the wrong order?!

M-Cat said...

I now know which McSlop shop I need to purchase my poison from. I bet Ernesta doesn't need to be told more than ONCE that I DO NOT WANT CHEESE ON MY BIG MAC!

Sam Liu said...

"Unless, of course, Justin Beiber saves us all with his pre-pubescent magical powers and fluffy helmet hair" - pure hilarity! You make me laugh out loud, Cheeseboy and for this, I thank you most graciously. And well done to Ernesta: she sounds like a wonderful employee, how marvellous that she was able to enhance your McDonalds experience (I'm sure that's the kind of thing companies write in their mission statements) :D

Mary said...

that list sounds very similar to my hubby's, except he'd spend 10 hrs playing Battlefield Bad Company 2 on the computer with all his geeky friends.

MiMi said...

That is SOO sweet that she went and got a Wolverine for your boy. :)

Writing Without Periods! said...

You are so bad!
But funny trumps bad so it's okay.
Mary

Hart Johnson said...

Love your variation! I am the neglectful parent at my house. The dishwasher war hit home... my husband and I ALWAYS rearrange each others placement of dishes. See, I'm CHEAP and will only run when maximally full. It is a CHALLENGE to see how many blasted dishes I can get in there. He likes it nice and roomy, so the dishes can spread their arms and flap like birds.

Corrina Terry said...

You continue to impress! I wish I had more of your creativity and ideas when it comes to bloggging. I'm hitting a slump here. Thanks for the laughs today!!! (Hope you clean the house up before the wife returns.) :o)))))))

UnicycleRose said...

Cheeseboy, you are such a GUY!!

Amy said...

I was just reading this and thinking what to write when my 13 yr. old son said, "You reading that Cheese guy's blog again? I don't get him." So, he's reading your blog too. And I must add...I think your stories are hilarious! Keep 'em coming! Just proves teenagers know nada!

Captain Dumbass said...

Bravo on safely asserting your manhood. And awesome work, Ernesta.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

I'm so TELLING! Live on the edge my man!

Sadako said...

I'm gonna make a terrible mom/wife because I think value meal with ice cream is awesome, as is being lazy about dishwashing.

Farmers Wifey said...

I think all husbands dream of doing these things while their wives are away...

mama-face said...

haha. the dishwasher issue is universal.

And I guess now I just have to accept the fact that there are some people out there who LIKE McDonald's. Cuz you're really "out there"?
:)

Dolly said...

Thanks for sharing your rebel moments. *Makes me realize I need to keep a better eye on my guys:) I could "freak" if I find my dishwasher loaded-(ever)!!!

Marnie said...

I like people like Ernesta. That is so nice to hear.

So long as the house is still standing, enjoy your time with the boys :0)

Gigi said...

As a wife I could deal with all the others - but this.....

"5. Place the dirty dishes in the dishwasher in WHATEVER ORDER I DEEM APPROPRIATE.*"

That is totally unacceptable! It must stop and it must stop now.

DEZMOND said...

yep, I've always known you will have something to do with the apocalypse :) and now you got the award as the mastermind behind the end of days.
I reckon it's because you eat too much cheese.

Marla said...

More proof why you people need a wife around at all times.

WTG Ernesta!

Lene said...

Dude...the dishes all have their own little places in the dishwasher. If things aren't loaded correctly you throw the whole universe out of whack. Way to go.

And Ernesta...MickyD's would do well to clone her. I'm lucky if there is a boy toy and a girl toy in the right bag.