Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Welcome to Cloud 9. I will be your guide.

Comments from tourists in italics.

Welcome to Cloud 9 folks.  No need to take off your shoes.  We're not running some fancy-shmanzy operation here.  It's just a cloud.  You 're not going to hurt the carpet - it's washable shag. 

As you can see, there are no pearly gates on Cloud 9.  That is heaven.  Cloud 9 is not heaven.  If you are angry about this, the sign above the ticket counter clearly stated that Cloud 9 is not heaven.  Did you honestly think our $5.99 ticket price would have gotten you to heaven?  Take it up with the big man.

Now, a little background on Cloud 9 everybody: It's your basic alto-cumulus with a nice white hue and a playful hint of gray.  And can you smell that?  That's the new-cloud, rainy day scent. Nice, isn't it?  It's fading though, so if you wouldn't mind not using all the fragrance up in one breath?  That stuff is like 20 bucks at Target!  Fortunately, my wife loves the place.

Holy crap, is he high?

Yep, nine clouds high! Now, over here we have the kitchen... well kitchenette.  It has everything a man needs though: a mini-fridge, a cloud monkey trained to bring the drinks to you and the cloud-Regis that trained the monkey. 

Regis?  

Yeah, don't worry about Regis, he stays busy with the Cloud 9 paperwork and retraining the monkey. 

Alright, follow me into the den.  Watch your step - Regis tends to wander and I know it can get a little foggy in here. Are we all in?  Good.  That there is the eight-track-player for when I have company and over there is an old exercise bike. If you stand on your tip toes, you can kinda see the spot where I keep the litter box.

Dude, this place kinda sucks.  Are you playing Barry Manilow?

Only the best on Cloud 9. And you haven't even seen the bedroom yet.  Right this way...

Here we have the bed.  It is so comfortable, when I close my eyes at night it sort of feels like I am actually floating on a cloud. 

You ARE floating on a cloud!

Well, that would explain it then. 

If you push this button, the bed rotates, but it's broken right now.  My electrician is supposed to come up next Wednesday and look at it.  It takes him awhile - he has to come all the way up from Stratus 4.  But it's worth it - the work from down south is so much cheaper. 

Yeah, we're out of here.  Cloud 9 BLOWS! 

Yes, it does. Every day as a matter of fact.  Sometimes up to 720 miles.

Come on guys, let's go!

Wait, I haven't even shown you the hot tub yet!  It has jets.

[Cloud door slams]

Oh, what the hail.  That always happens.

42 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Where do I buy a ticket?

M-Cat said...

The post I have been waiting all day for!

I see that Cloud 9 is not all that great, what with the 8 track tape player and Manilow and all. Are you sure you are touring Cloud 9 and not Outer Darkness?

I think I'll stay down here in my one row up from Hell seat.

Thanks for the tour Cheeseboy!

T said...

sounds like a nice place to visit (well minus the Manilow and the monkey) but I wouldn't want to live there.

blueviolet said...

I liked your little tour!

Mamma has spoken said...

A hot tub on Cloud 9? I guess that's where the hot rain from today came from...

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Barry Manilow? Are you sure you're not on the 9th plane of hell instead?

Sam Liu said...

This is wonderful, Cheeseboy :D Cloud 9 sounds marvellous and the tour was brilliant! Oh yes...I suppose you'll be wanting a tip now :)

The Crazy Baby Mama said...

as always, your humor is light as a cloud :)

Missy said...

Does the monkey have fleas? That would be a deal breaker...

Mighty M said...

As long as the visit doesn't involve angry flight crews I'll be there! ;)

The Bipolar Diva said...

That was great, but Manilow?lol

Ok, here's what I'm thinking and it's totally one hundred percent selfish.
I'm thinking I'd love you to either guest post on my blog, or I'll write a post. Point being that I really want you to get to four hundred followers. I want to see the armpit waxing! I will shamelessly promote you for my own selfish gain. :)

The Bipolar Diva said...

Let me know Cheeseboy!I think it's a brilliant plan!

Marlene said...

Barry Manilow! I'm a fanilow!

Copyboy said...

Hot tub is cool, but what I wanna know is if you have a fully stocked fridge.

MiMi said...

As long as Regis is controlling the monkey, then I'm in.

Captain Dumbass said...

"Oh Mandy, you came and you gave without takin..."

Huh? What?

Cherie said...

I'm not sure about Cloud 9 - I think I'll wait till the reviews are in!

Jenn said...

I like Barry Manilow, I'll come visit you...but only if the monkey stays with Regis, I'm a bit freaked out by them! lol

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

That is very cool that a big-time musician took the time to respond to you, putting you on cloud 9. It's also very cool that there's a Regis but no Kathy Lee there.
xoRobyn

Donda said...

I think it is a sad day when you bash Barry Manilow. I will pass on cloud 9 but I hear cloud with the silver lining is awesome this time of year!

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

Do I need to pack ?? Can I just go as is?? Manilow will be there, right? Dont tease me.. Im a Fanilow... I cant help it.

Teachinfourth said...

I'm afraid I'd take a misstep and find myself plummeting to cold, hard reality…

Thanks for the invite though.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Well, I will tour it, but only if the monkey keeps his distance...!!

Joann Mannix said...

You know I can't smile without you, in the Copa, Copa Cabana, there up on your Cloud 9. My 9 is way different from yours, way different. And it might just involve a little Bono. Ok, a lot of Bono. But good luck and all that with yours. Sure wish I could stop by, but sorry, I'm super busy, man.

Ash said...

"You ARE floating on a cloud!"

LOL - i'd like a tour please!...after the bed is fixed ;)

~ash's mum

elesa said...

Yeah, I kinda had higher expectations for Cloud 9. I thought I was getting a steal at 5.99, but I think I've been ripped off!

W.C.Camp said...

Sadly with the broken bed and Manilow playing, it reminds me of home where it's always my fault. Of course I do live at the Mia Culpa Cabana! W.C.C.

ScoMan said...

That smell wasn't rainy day scent. That was my feet. I took off my shoes because I like my shoes off.

But thank you for complimenting their smell, most people can't stand it.

Joe Cap said...

What a great picture you posted. I love clouds!

Eric said...

Does it have a GPS? Otherwise navigation might be a bit cloudy.

Sausage Fingers said...

Hmm, a washable shag reminds me of my last trip to Las Vegas.

imbeingheldhostage said...

I was able to listen to your friend Ben ;-) while reading this. It works really well together... until you get the Barry M. reference.

Danielle said...

Does the monkey fling poo?

Leeuna said...

"Hey, Hey, You, You, get off of my cloud..." Oh, sorry, that song just came to mind.

I think I saw you floating past my window this morning. Thanks for the tour. Next time, tell Regis to have some cotton candy for us.

Connie said...

Where in the hail do you come up with this stuff? So...was that you coming off cloud 9 or giving the tour?

Lourie said...

Totally worth every penny! Hahahaha. Thanks for the laugh. Emmy Mom sent me.

Stolen Sentiments said...

You're nuts.

Saimi said...

Thanks for bursting my cloud 9 bubble!

Corrina Terry said...

So creative!!!

Pat said...

I'll have what you're drinking please!

Unknown Mami said...

Too bad I'm afraid of heights.

Baby Sister said...

Lol! Looks like I'm going to try out Cloud 8....