Saturday, August 7, 2010
It's a Family Feud themed weekend and dreaded blogger regret.
Have you ever written a post that you were so embarrassed about that you hesitated to post it and even almost deleted it? Such was the case for me last night. An entire post regarding Richard Dawson and his kissing habits?! Well, I suppose they can't all be Van Gogh's.
Actually, I guess all of Van Gogh's were Van Gogh's, but that is only because his last name happened to be Van Gogh. If his last name was Michaelson, he probably would have only had one or two Van Goghs, the rest would have been considered crap.
The truth is that yesterday's kissing post was supposed to be just an introduction to another post. It's just that I started writing about Richard and the the more I wrote, the more passionate I became and the more passionate I became, the longer the post became. Soon it became a crappy post all it's own and in it's own crappy sphere. And so, without further ado, here is the post that was supposed to become, surely to be even more craptackular.
One thing I am never quite sure about when I would watch The Family Feud was WHO they had hired to do the surveys and why I was NEVER asked my opinion. Of course, they only ever surveyed 100 random people, which was likely everyone around the office and their spouses. But MAYBE they actually did hire real surveyors, and MAYBE someday they really would just knock on our door and ask me, a goofy 12 year old boy, to answer a few random questions. I imagined that it would go something like this:
Surveyor: Why hello son, is your mom or dad home?
12-year-old Me: Nope, just me.
Surveyor: Well, we are at 99. You will have to do. Can you answer just a few questions for me? It's for the TV show The Family Feud. Have you heard of it?
Me: YEAH! I love that show! The host guy kisses a lot of girls.
Surveyor: Kid, you have no idea. He's the Wilt Chamberlain of game shows. Okay, are you ready?
Me: Yes sir! I've been waiting for this all my life.
Surveyor: Okay, put thirty seconds on the clock. - Ding -
Me: Where did that sound come from? Where is the clock? What the heck?
Surveyor: Never mind that. Let's begin....
Surveyor: Tell me something women do to get ready for a date.
Me: Wash their hands.
Surveyor: Name someone that might be on the roof.
Me: The janitor... to get the balls down.
Surveyor: How much money does the average person make in a year?
Me: Like a million dollars?
Surveyor: Name something you might collect.
Me: Garbage Pail Kids
Surveyor: Name a movie that is universally regarded as the greatest of all time.
Me: Goonies. No, The Last Starfighter. No, I'll go with Goonies.
- Ding, ding, ding -
Surveyor: Time's up! Thanks for participating.
Me: You're welcome. That was fun. Please come back!
Surveyor: Thanks kid, but I doubt it.