Saturday, August 7, 2010

It's a Family Feud themed weekend and dreaded blogger regret.

Dear fellow bloggers, blogesses, identity thieves and stalkers, 

Have you ever written a post that you were so embarrassed about that you hesitated to post it and even almost deleted it?  Such was the case for me last night.  An entire post regarding Richard Dawson and his kissing habits?!  Well, I suppose they can't all be Van Gogh's.

Actually, I guess all of Van Gogh's were Van Gogh's, but that is only because his last name happened to be Van Gogh.  If his last name was Michaelson, he probably would have only had one or two Van Goghs, the rest would have been considered crap.

The truth is that yesterday's kissing post was supposed to be just an introduction to another post.  It's just that I started writing about Richard and the the more I wrote, the more passionate I became and the more passionate I became, the longer the post became.  Soon it became a crappy post all it's own and in it's own crappy sphere.  And so, without further ado, here is the post that was supposed to become, surely to be even more craptackular.

One thing I am never quite sure about when I would watch The Family Feud was WHO they had hired to do the surveys and why I was NEVER asked my opinion.  Of course, they only ever surveyed 100 random people, which was likely everyone around the office and their spouses.  But MAYBE they actually did hire real surveyors, and MAYBE someday they really would just knock on our door and ask me, a goofy 12 year old boy, to answer a few random questions.  I imagined that it would go something like this:

Surveyor: Why hello son, is your mom or dad home?

12-year-old Me: Nope, just me.

Surveyor: Well, we are at 99. You will have to do.  Can you answer just a few questions for me?  It's for the TV show The Family Feud.  Have you heard of it?

Me: YEAH!  I love that show!  The host guy kisses a lot of girls.

Surveyor: Kid, you have no idea.  He's the Wilt Chamberlain of game shows. Okay, are you ready?

Me: Yes sir! I've been waiting for this all my life.

Surveyor: Okay, put thirty seconds on the clock. - Ding -

Me: Where did that sound come from?  Where is the clock?  What the heck?

Surveyor: Never mind that.  Let's begin....

Me: Okay.

Surveyor: Tell me something women do to get ready for a date.

Me: Wash their hands.

Surveyor: Name someone that might be on the roof.

Me: The janitor... to get the balls down.

Surveyor: How much money does the average person make in a year?

Me: Like a million dollars?

Surveyor: Name something you might collect.

Me: Garbage Pail Kids

Surveyor: Name a movie that is universally regarded as the greatest of all time.

Me: Goonies.  No, The Last Starfighter.  No, I'll go with Goonies.

- Ding, ding, ding -

Surveyor: Time's up!  Thanks for participating.

Me: You're welcome. That was fun. Please come back!

Surveyor: Thanks kid, but I doubt it.

61 comments:

ScoMan said...

My nieces ball went on the roof yesterday.

The answer to the "Who might go on the roof question" would have been "Nobody. Yet. But we all talked about the best way one might access the roof. You know ,good ideas for someone else, but not something we would ever want to do ourselves"

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

Family Feud, the Goonies, and Garbage Pail Kids ... it's like the perfect 80s trifecta!

Kristina P. said...

I did a triple take with that Garbage Pail Kids picture. I wonder if your blog will now have the illustrious honor of being blocked at my work. I will let you know on Monday.

Anything Fits A Naked Man said...

HILARIOUS!! Yeah, kind of amazing that those women let Dawson get away with all that crap for so many years!! And I have ALWAYS wondered who these people are that they survey! I think you hit the nail on the head!!

Cherie said...

I put on a Ward party earlier this year where we played the Family Feud after dinner. It was all GREAT fun - I was the Richard Dawson of the Ward (aka the Hostess) but I did not kiss anyone.
Anywhooooo - To prepare for this game I surveyed the ward on 75 questions. Man oh man was it hard not only for people to come up with answers - and we got some doozies - but then I had to go through and sort through all the gobble-de-gook to get the numbers for each answer to each question. Can you say Time Consuming!!
So at this point my hat is off to whoever had that job on a weekly basis!!

Cherie said...

BTW you know how a word sometimes just looks awkward and funny and not right no matter how many times you look at it - I'm having that problem with the word FEUD - Buggin the crap out of me!

Marnie said...

This was funny. I have often wondered about the people in the survey.

Corrina Terry said...

Hilarious! Thank you!!!

Growing up I always thought that Dawson guy must have had lots of cooties from kissing so many ladies, but I loved watching that show.

I wanted my family to be on it, but then I was worried Mr. Dawson would try to kiss my mom, my sisters, and me. Then I would have gagged on national TV. ;o)

Mamma has spoken said...

I enjoyed yesterday's post!
As for who is on the roof, I would have said Santa. I too always wonder how you could get your answers on the Feud...

tammy said...

Yes, I've had those kind of posts.

I was just playing Family Feud on Facebook before coming over here. Quick, give me an answer - name someone who is most likely to talk more than they listen.

Missy said...

Dawson Kiss Germs! All those Grannies he kissed... I am even more sick now! LOL

Farmers Wifey said...

That kid is damn smart!

Holly Ruggiero, Southpaw said...

That explains it all!

ModernMom said...

LOL That does explain a lot of those crappy answers:)

MiMi said...

Geez. That's where they get those off the wall answers!!
And, yeah, I knew you were awesome and all, but hello??? Garbage Pail Kids??? You are like my brother now.

Donda said...

I guess if last night's post was that craptastic then it's good I was smashed! No, really I will have to go back and read that one too. FYI, you were kind of a dorky 12 year old! :)

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

I like your answers, especially the janitor one. I think you deserved a kiss on the cheek for them.
xoRobyn

MBGITWWR said...

Ahhh the Goonies - the movie that taught me how to swear. Gotta love it.

Connie said...

Spoken like a true 12 year old. Most of them would only wash their hands if going on a date! But then who wanted to date at 12? Maybe Richard Dawson.

-stephanie- said...

Yup, 12 year old answers for sure. Your first post was crappier than this post.

-stephanie- said...

Sheesh, after I posted this and reread it, it sounded kind of mean. I didn't mean it to be mean. I loved this post.

The Bipolar Diva said...

"craptakular" I LOVE it!

woman:confused said...

Have I mentioned lately how much I love you? Because I do. i REALLY REALLY love you.

Baby Sister said...

I decided once the people they choose to do the survey were dumb people who had the most random answers...
Goonies is awesome!!

Lindsay said...

You had me with Garbage Pail Kids. Sigh. The best collector's items ever.

mintifresh said...

Okay, the kissing was creepy but it's not your fault-that dude was just creepy! I loved your survey! Totally RAD!!

baygirl32 said...

Garbage pail kids and the janitor, hilarious!

Million dollars, wishful

00dozo said...

Funny stuff, both of them. The janitor on the roof cracked me up! I always wondered what happened to all those balls.

The Invisible Seductress said...

I have had plenty of those posts...Memories of the post on Manatee Poop......

natalee said...

Ahhhh we are children of the same era!!!! i used to come home from 1/2 dy Kindergarten and watch family feud... Love me some Richard

T said...

my family is always sending me requests to play family feud on facebook with them... maybe if I started giving out your craptacular answers they'd stop asking :)

Saimi said...

I think woman-confused is one really confused woman.

Sam Liu said...

Ohhh! It all becomes clear: in England, we call "Family Feud" "Family Fortunes"! Now I understand :D

Anyway, I too have often wondered who the 100 random people are. Your dialogue is utterly hilarious, I love it :D

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Did anyone ever answer The Goonies?

Hart Johnson said...

Yeah, I always wondered that, too... I used to LOVE that show (when I was maybe 9 or 10)--though it always made me feel like my family was woefully inadequate, not having enough characters, and the idea of Richard creeping on my mom (who was young and pretty at the time) was a little gross.

Jenn said...

LOL.. I LOVE the Goonies!!!! It truly is one of the best movies ever!

smArtee said...

Hi Cheesey...It Robin from LOL and this is my updated personal blog...send me some new funny for LOL...Cant wait to read em....hope all is well...i ws on hiatus for 2 months...so busy and no time for fun blogging...now Im back and raring to go..!

Nancy C said...

I have pressed publish and regretted it more times than I can count. Garbage Pail Kids. Nice.

Joann Mannix said...

I'm still wondering why you kissed ugly girls.

My dates were always waiting on me because, of course, I was washing my hands. Big time top priority when getting ready for a date.

Hope Chella said...

I have!!!!!!!!! Me being half-asleep and feeling like the WORST girlfriend for not being able to cook for my boyfriend...because my mother DOES EVERYTHING for my dad!!!!! and reaching out to other bloggers for help!

Emmy said...

Oh I loved the Garbage Pail kids! It was like my first form of rebelling and having something my mom didn't like.

Beth Zimmerman said...

I'm never sure what's funnier ... your blog posts (which are great in their own right) or the responses you get!

The Empress said...

See,now, I don't think these are craptacular posts. My favorite, and where you do best, IMHO, is when you are clearly loving writing it.

Your exuberance on Richard Dawson? So clear, and you love it.

So,spectacular to me, not craptacular.

This was funny, I felt the creep factor on Dawson and the germs all over me. Thank you.

GrammyMouseTails said...

sometimes I wonder if they blocked out all the kisses he gave the men?? Hey, I think I may have some of my kids Garbage Pail kids stickers downstairs in a bucket, covered in stickers, of garbage pail kids... but ya know Goonies is considered a classic for most 80s nerds... just ask my kids! I think if my Gran was still around she would still be having dreams of being on the stage w/Richard & slipping him a wet willy...
sigh... Faythe @GMT

Marla said...

Now see...THOSE are the good answers. Nicely played, cheesehead. Nicely played.

Pat said...

As I'm reading your answers, I am clapping and saying, "Good Answer! Good answer!" Am I a great teammate or what?

Noelle said...

We play Family Feud all the time...my sister-in-law sends out these random surveys that we have to answer...and she really does poll 100 different people...however, there's not that much kissing that goes on. We'll have to work on that. :)

Yanet @ 3 Sun Kissed Boys said...

Oh, Family Feud. I use to line up five of my best dollies and pretend I was on the show. Of course, we'd always win and we'd all hug. This was a great survey. Glad you posted what you consider "your crap". Only the best for us readers.

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

Is it sad that I remember Richard Dawson on Hogan's Heroes?

I always thought he was drunk on the feud.... or maybe it was me watching it?

Tortuga said...

Goonies all the way!

Eric said...

For a television program with a name-anagram like 'I due my laff', it really wasn't *that* funny. Maybe with answers like in your survey...

Powdered Toast Man said...

I always wondered who they surveyed too. Those are some superb answers. I usually wash my hands before a date with the janitor on the roof.

tiburon said...

Is it weird that all my answers would have been the same? Except for the janitor one.

I would have said "reindeer"

Mary said...

I LOVED that show, but I never understood who they polled, b/c the answers never made sense to me. I like your theory!

M-Cat said...

And now, I am quite certain I am MUCH older than you. Garbage Pail kids were never my thing - I mocked the younger ones about them.

jennifer said...

You realize you just admitted to being passionate about Richard Dawson on your blog? The internet is forever Dude :)

The Last Star Fighter was definitely the greatest of all time. Don't you remember the alien guy's laugh (Griggs I think it was? How the heck do I remember that?)... that cinched it for the greatest of all time.

And now, giving in to a case of morbid curiosity, I'm going to read about Richard Dawson. I praying that the passion is not contagious.

Have a wonderful week Cheeseboy!

Abby said...

I always just assumed they surveyed the Family Feud audience members for the next time around. They're already there and they get the shtick, so why not? Makes sense to me.

Hutch said...

I've been wondering for years who they interviewed...thanks for answering my question!

jayayceeblog said...

Hey, I was gonna say Goonies, too! Love that movie!!! I've wondered the exact same thing ... who exactly are they surveying???

Mighty M said...

More Family Feud posts please!! :)

Unknown Mami said...

Definitely Goonies!