Monday, August 9, 2010

Have you heard the one about the Catholic Priest that goes into a 7-11? Actually, it's not a joke. I'd just like to know if you heard about it.

I often hear the phrase "You just can't make that stuff up!" and think, "You have no idea what my mind is capable of.  You're a judgmental jerk!"

That being said, not even I could make up the following story that happened to me on Friday.

My kids were with Grandma, my wife was still on her estrogen-cation and I had just finished my tutoring for the day.  I decided that before I picked up the boys, I'd pay a visit my Grammy in the hospital - she had just had her gallbladder out. 

The visit to Grandma was uneventful, other than my elevator ride up to her room.  I stepped in, alone for but a moment.  I was soon joined by a very tall Catholic Priest holding a bouquet of flowers.  I assumed they were for a sick patient and not his girlfriend/nurse.  I am not one to mess with a Holy Man, so I allowed him off the elevator first.  He thanked me kindly.

Nana and I had a nice, quick visit and I headed out to pick up the boys, but I soon realized that my tummy was rumbling. (On account of my hunger. Not 'truffle shuffle' related.)

I headed across the street to 7-11, where I would be taking a gander at one of their quarter-pound hot dogs. Upon my entrance, I made my way to the hot rollers with the hours-old dogs turning and becoming fully flavorful.  I spotted a juicy one in the back and made a special request to the employee. 

Mr. 7-11 looked rather bewildered at my request.  He then said, in his thickly Indian accent, "I will have to microwave it for you."

"Oh, not a problem", I replied.  "Which one is ready?"

Random Priest I found online.
The 7-11 shop-keep then looked at me and stated, "You wouldn't believe this, but NONE of them are ready.  This was just full of ready hot dogs, but this Catholic Priest came in a few minutes ago and bought all 27 of them!"

Well, that is confounding.

I told the man that a microwaved hot dog would be fine and left in confused state.  Could it have been the same Catholic Priest in my elevator?  And more importantly, why would a Catholic Priest need 27 cooked hot dogs at one time?

I left, feeling like I was living one of those bizarre dreams in which you wake up and say, "What the crap was that all about?!"  But it was not a dream.  A Catholic Priest really had taken my perfectly warmed hot dog joy and I was okay with it.  I would just like to know WHY?

I imagined the Priest leaving with his two plastic bags full of hot dogs, looking up at the sky and saying, "Oh thank heaven!"

Perhaps my readers could enlighten me?  What would a Catholic Priest want with 27 cooked hot dogs?

56 comments:

Sam Liu said...

How very, very bizarre. I have no idea what a Catholic priest would want with that many hot-dogs, in fact, I can't think why anybody would want to buy that many tubes of processed meat. Unless, of course, the whole priest thing was just a disguise, a careful ploy designed by a master criminal with an absurd and worrying hot-dog obsession. After all, no one suspects the kind old clergyman :)

Kristina P. said...

I've got nothing. But now I really want some processed meat.

Mamma has spoken said...

Uhm, my guess is he was headed to a pot luck luncheon, forgot to have the housekeeper make him a dish, so the 27 hot dogs was his contrabution :o/
Or he was headed to a meeting and it was his turn to bring the snacks.
I could go on and on.....

Pat said...

Uh, to feed to the Vienna Boy's Choir?

mintifresh said...

I'm more concerned why you would willingly eat a hot dog from 7-11!

Maybe the priest was practicing for the 7th annual priest vs. rabbi hot dog eating contest..

Christy said...

Well lets see. The magic number is 27. He needed to feed 3 baseball teams (that had no bench warmers) with a snack before the games. A hungry bear was loose and needed to be coaxed away from the frightened nuns in the courtyard. Or maybe he was headed to a Jewish friend's wake and wanted to mess with his family by not bringing kosher.

Holly said...

Maybe he was bringing a snack for the "Addicted to Processed Meat SUPPORT group he was about to meet with??? LOL!! WEIRD!!

OR he saw the future of YOU going to get one and knew that they had been there through the night before and was protecting YOU from food poisoning... Uh HUH!! Don't JUDGE!! LOL!! ;p

tammy said...

I think the 7-11 clerk was just trying to cover his butt because he accidetnally let the hot dog case run empty and that was the best story he could come up with.

TS Hendrik said...

To quote Groundhog's Day, "I can think of a couple reasons... pervert."

Tracie said...

I hope he was taking them to a meeting or something.

Teachinfourth said...

Probably going to give them away at the hospital…the wing where the person he was visiting currently had 27 inhabitants.

That, or they were for Elijah and his fam...

Donda said...

If I were to venture a guess, I would have to say they were for the young boys!

MiMi said...

I do not want to go there.
Nope.
That is all.

Baby Sister said...

Maybe they starve him and this was his only chance to eat food...
Or maybe he was feeding a large group of hungry pigeons...
Or maybe it was a little boy's birthday...
Or...I'll stop there.

Holly Ruggiero, Southpaw said...

Perhaps he was taking them to a shelter that ran out of supplies or to feed the family of the injured person in the hospital.

Missy said...

Maybe there was a Little League Baseball Game taking place or an afterschool program for children! LOL
I know, I am going to hell...

Copyboy said...

The bigger question you should ask is what type of church is this guy a priest of. Our lady That loves to BBQ?

Marnie said...

If this had happened right after lent, I would say he was no longer giving up hot dogs.

Aunt Juicebox said...

Well I have heard that priests have this thing for weiners....am I going to go to Hell for that?

Jenn said...

I'd prefer to just think he was really really hungry...or maybe he took them to the homeless shelter? That's a much better image then the one that popped into my mind when I read the line.. "What would a Catholic Priest want with 27 cooked hot dogs?"

The Church Lady said...

It is my hope that those dogs were enjoyed by some homeless people living on the streets.

-stephanie- said...

1 priest, many wieners. Nuff said.

Tree said...

He probably got sick of the food at the parish (I've heard it's pretty awful), and thought he would sneak a few weeks worth of hotdogs in to microwave at a later date. LOL Strange!

Dave said...

I'm picturing a scenario like when Principal Skinner has Superintendent Chalmers over for dinner. When Skinner accidentally burns his roast, he has to climb out the window and run across the street to Krusty Burger. "You call hamburgers steamed hams? Yes!"

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

Here's my hypothesis: the so called Catholic Priest is Rabbi Shlomo in disguise. Rabbi Shlomo has a hot-dog fetish. Lord knows (literally) that this is unacceptable for a Rabbi. He ordered 27, because it's the number of commandments (plus 17). It all makes perfect sense.
xoRobyn

Connie said...

Maybe he was going to watch Matlock with a bunch of friends.

T said...

I couldn't come up with anything better than a homeless shelter... and then I read through the comments. Now I'm truly going to have to wash my brain out with soap.

Although I do like Holly's speculation that he was saving you from yourself.

Kelly said...

Maybe he was headed for the Jewish orphanage and thought he'd bring them a little snack.

W.C.Camp said...

If you line them all end to end, those hot dogs make a pentagram. The priest just wanted to here the devil's confessional - what's the problem? W.C.C.

Amy said...

Stephanie's remark was very funny....I can not top that one!

Joann Mannix said...

OK, I'm going to admit I am a Catholic. Having said that, this? is just too good not to touch!

it's already been said, what my best guess would be and said well.

More importantly, why the freak are you eating in a 7-11 Cheeseboy? And a hot dog? I make it a rule not to eat hot dogs and an even bigger rule, I don't eat food that has to be touched by the convenience store clerk. You know they clean the bathrooms, too, right?

OK, my work here is done.

Kelley said...

He was feedin' the stinkin' homeless, Cheeseboy...and then using the rest to substitute for the missing Lincoln Logs in his elaborate log house he started over at the parish. It irks him that some altar boy stole some of the Lincoln logs to add to HIS outhouse back at HIS house, so the priest snatched those hot dogs and thought they'd make a wonderful substitution. You should've checked the Snickers at that 7-11. I bet some of them were missing.

Do you think I need medication?

woman:confused said...

the homeless guys on the corner needed food? and there were a LOT of them?
I can't imagine why he'd been so many RIGHT THEN... I mean.. grocery store???

Priest or not... omg... priest.

He's trying to satisfy an unheavenly desire. Leave THAT one to your imagination.

Meathead said...

OMG. I'm so perverted. I can't even bring myself to say what's going on in my head with that one...

jayayceeblog said...

Probably headin' off to a Boy Scout meeting...

ScoMan said...

I don't think the priest wanted 27 Hotdogs. I'm pretty sure he wanted 28 Hotdogs.

Powdered Toast Man said...

He was training for the hot dog eating contest at his church. An altar boy ate 25 the previous year and he wanted to trump him.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Perhaps after visiting the hospital, he realized his one true goal in life was to be a hot dog eating champ and had to start practicing right away.

imbeingheldhostage said...

The comments are as fun to read as the post-- you are a magnet for funny.

I'm off to make a chili dog now.thanks a lot. Maybe your next post could be about rice cakes?

Aunt of 14 said...

I wonder if maybe he had planned to pass them out to the homeless or something. I mean he's a priest, right?

Shrinky said...

He's on a mission to save folk like you from a gall-bladder hell (being too late for your gran), it's her he took the flowers to, in an apology, but he had to wait til you were gone first, 'cos he couldn't face you after having let her down so badly, not being there to stop her eating that kind of crap..

Works for me.

Emmy said...

While I could think of a lot of weird or wrong things, I would like to think taking them to homeless people.
Butyes that is pretty weird.

Cherie said...

I was trying to think of some witty comment about how he was going to take them back to the nuns but really I got nothing. That is just bizarre!

C'est La Vie said...

ummm he wanted to feed his flock...

lisleman said...

Ok I thought about being a priest once so that qualifies my answer.

For you poor non-catholics you might not know about the throat blessing Saint Day. On this special day you could have your throat blessed (good for sore throats and hacking) by having the priest place two holy candles on either side and say some Latin.
Now being a hot summer those waxy candles are not holding up.
So this genius (some divine intervention I'm sure) priest came up with a hot dog blessing technique.
Who know how it would work but check or call the local parishes. It probably being planned right now.

Noelle said...

Hmmm...I've got nothing that hasn't already been said. And after reading Joann's comment, I'll probably never be able to buy a hot dog again.

M-Cat said...

Purely a Seinfeld moment if I ever heard one.

And Sev dogs are the best. I think I'd be a little pissed. Catholic priest or not.

Krista said...

I'm sure it was for a good cause. Feeding the hungry carcinogenic hot dogs....good for business. :P

daylily777 said...

Very interesting , I wonder why why , too.
Blessings,
~Myrna

Tortuga said...

Maybe he had to feed his girlfriend's whole family that was visiting?

Who says he was Catholic? Episcopal priests wear the same garb, and they're allowed to marry, so it would be likely if he was Episcopal he could be visiting his girlfriend or wife...

Ok, I got waaaaay off track there, didn't I?

Gigi said...

Simple, really. He had to get to the Church picnic and that was his contribution. That's the story I'm going with....

Marlene said...

A priest and some weenies? Nope. Not touchin' that one.

Corrina Terry said...

He was probably going to feed homeless people in SLC. Makes ya wonder . . .

Unknown Mami said...

Perhaps he was distributing them to the needy and hot-dog deprived?

Julie said...

pretty rude of the priest to not think about the customers who would come in after him, wanting a hot dog. this post made me think of one that MckMama wrote a few months back about chicken & socialism -- both your post and hers made me think deep about the nature of our world. seriously! (or some may say 'suriously'). ha!

Pat Tillett said...

Well it all depends, were they bun sized, super longs, or battery powered?