"How can you be a man? I don't believe it."
I can't believe I am defending myself here, but I am a man.
Sure, my last few posts have been a bit, shall we say, "girly". I mean, what man in his right, straight mind would write about a future princess, Easter Egg hunts and a story one of their first grade students wrote?
I suppose in a way, my blog is like Redbook magazine: Women love it and their husbands will eventually read it if it sitting around the toilet for any reasonable amount of time.
The truth is, I AM a man, and I don't need Donald Trump to request my birth certificate or even a doctor request that I turn my head and cough to prove it. No, I've got your proof right here...
- I can still name every member of the original Olympic "Dream Team". Yes, even Cheryl Miller.
- I listen to sports talk radio every morning and afternoon on my commute.
- I can name every song from Pearl Jam's first three albums. And Alice In Chain's. And Soundgarden's. And Celine Dion's*.
- I watch Wipe Out for two reasons: 1. To see people get smacked in the face. 2. For quick glimpses of that girl that talks to the contestants.
 |
| See, I waxed but I am still a man! |
- I have, or had arm hair.
- Some of my favorite movies are The Shawshank Redemption, American History X and Moulin Rouge*.
- I once changed my own oil in my car - and I did it with a bloody finger - just the skin around my cuticle, but it was bleeding alright.
- I eat hamburger on my steak on top of a giant platter of bacon.
- After I shave, I use Old Spice on my face and vinegar on my eyebrow.
- I can bench 100. Or 200. What's a lot? ((Not sure.)) Forget it, name it and I'll bench it.
Clearly, I have proved beyond a reasonable doubt that I am in fact, a male human. The problem remains that if I write about sports and violent movies and hamburgers, I would lose 85% of my followers. So I will continue to try and entertain by being sissy. Deal with it, sistas!
*Ah, crap!
63 comments:
He is a man people! He just has a woman's sense of humor.
I don't know. I was convinced until I saw Moulin Rouge on your favorite movie list. That is one hell of a girlie movie. But since it is my all time favorite I take your word for it. At least you have taste!
You listen to talk radio? So, you're an old man?
Don't tell anyone but I like Moulin Rouge too. It's like Shakespeare on crack. It makes me antsy though so I have to watch Braveheart immediately afterwards.
This was good except for the Celine Dion part.
Oh and I agree with you on sports radio. I listen to that on an am station and it drives my kids batshit crazy on the way to school.
I'm not sure how to respond except that your favorite movies makes me wonder about my gender seeings how they are on my list and that picture of Celine may give me nightmares tonight.
Oh and meat...goooooood
HAHAHA!!!!!
Dude, you are hilarious! MAN!
My favorite was when you said,
"I eat hamburger on my steak on top of a giant platter of bacon."
You sir, are a hero. A man's man. A guy's guy. (are there enough man references there?)
Seriously though, who would ask you that? Hopefully someone online, not in real life....
I don't even know where to start except I think this surpasses pooping in the pants.
First of all, I'm not really sure but even though I've been diagnosed with too much estrogen thereby deeming me unqualified to ever catch a ball, I might still be more manly only because I can name every Pearl Jam song ever written but I cannot name anything by Celine. It might have something to do with my lust for Eddie Vedder. I can only assume it's the same for you.
Also too, I love that part in Moulin Rouge where Nicole Kidman...Oh why am I even talking about this. YOU know what I mean. LOL, sister.
You had me at eyebrow.
My husband loves sports talk radio. I listen to it only as long as it takes me to realize that he left his man station on my radio. I also retaliate by leaving HIS radio on rap stations. But I digress.
My 18 year old son LOVES Moulin Rouge. Of course, he's a self-professed drama geek, but he is, indeed, male.
You are a dream man, which makes us say, in disbelief, "how can you be a man? you're cool enough to be a woman."
And women are usually my favorite people..they are just so funny, cool, hip, and...FUNNY.
So, disbelief in you being a man? A compliment like you wouldn't believe.
xo
Have you texted pictures of your penis to anyone? I think that makes a real man.
Only a man would have written about poop in the urinals. I got ya covered!
OK, I have to say, I must be a man too because I like the same 3 movies you do. :)
"eventually read it if it sitting around the toilet for any reasonable amount of time" - you just created the new standard for readership.
What? Nothing about burping or farting or scratching? I don't know, those are the things that make my husband a man.
I never doubted for a minute.
vinegar? Mars really is a different world.
Why do you use vinegar on your eyebrows?
Women like a man in touch with his Celine Dion side, didn't you know that?
I was starting to question after the Celine Dion answer, but the Wipe Out comment saved you.
Whew! Well I'm glad we've cleared that up then!
:-)
I've never doubted you...
Pearl
I would still read if you just wrote about hamburgers.
Ya but can you use a concrete chain saw and cut bigger windows into your basement?
a man who embraced his feminine side, as only a real man can do.
You could be a man, but my husband gets immediate headaches when I try to watch Moulin Rouge. You may or may not have burned off your arm hair because I suspect I am seeing an arm rug.
Yea, you maybe should have left out that part about Moulin Rouge :) Seriously, though.. I LOVE that you can name every song from Soundgarden's first three albums... you ROCK!!!
As I was reading your post, I was goin' "Oh yeah, he's definitely a guy right up to the words Moulin Rouge. Of course, then you turned it right back to "yep, he's a dude, alright" when you said you watched Wipeout. Such a guy thing.
I am feeling the male testosterone here! Wait. Did you say you could name every Celine Dion song?
I've never questioned your manhood. I do believe you are a man. I just think you may be in touch with your feminine side more so than the average Joe. I'm thinking you may be a little metro-sexual too with all the arm waxing and vinegar dabbling.....
We're not judging. We're just laughing!
We WUV you, Cheeseboy!
You had me convinced until I saw Moulin Rouge. One step forward...two steps back!
See the PROBLEM is that I can name all the grunge songs, change my oil (even with a bloody finger--hell, I've changed TIRES) and I don't even know any Celine Dion... And I am most definitely NOT a man... though your case with the arm hair is probably a good one. I don't have much of that.
A Shakespeare would put it:
"Me thinks the lady doth protest too much."
Funny, funny stuff. Cheeseboy. Nay, CheeseMAN.
Perhaps you should post a vlog of you eating a "bacon explosion."
What a man, what a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty man.
Thanks for keeping me diverse by being my token male blogging buddy.
I owe all my political correctness to you and LG.
I never questioned it. Hmm. Maybe I should?
Hahaha!!! We would love whatever you wrote. I love how you threw in Celine Dionne and Moulin Rouge. Ha! Your sense of humor would be appreciated by any living creature. My potted plants are cracking up over here.
Vlog it up over here!!
You manly man you
heee
that is all
After watching all your videos--if you are not a man then I will have to seriously rethink everything I have ever thought about womanhood.......
Moulin Rouge? Well I guess. You didn't list any suspicious TV shows. So I will just take your word for it. ;)
I had to take a quick feel of my nuts after watching Moulin Rougue, just to make sure they were still there. Can't believe you liked it. I'm going to have to ask you to hand in your man card for that.
What is the name of the girl that talks to the contestants on Wipeout?? Actually if you are a man you might not know as you are just too busy checking out her assets.
Poor Cheesboy having to defend his manhood :)
Oh this sista is dealin' with it!
You're gonna have manly cholesterol issues if you eat hamburger on steak on bacon too often!
You are THE man, without a doubt. Please don't do any more hot wax stunts to prove it.
xoRobyn
There is no doubt you are a man!
A man with an ovary! LOL
First time here and I have to say I believe you're a man. Only a truly secure man would proclaim his love for Celine. Do you like Cher too?
Cheeseboy - I have missed coming by and I vow to never miss a blog post of yours - whether it is perfect or not. I mean, is life worth living without cheese? I think not!
Alas, I have the same problem...though I definitely have a "Y" chromosome, I watch Sleepless in Seattle, You've Got Mail, and When Harry Met Sally whenever they come on. However, for you skeptics, I am currently watching the NFL draft. FOOTBALL! If that isn't manly, I don't know what is!
Enjoy your blog. Keep up the great writing!
can't stop laughing at the missing stripe of arm hair
Wow- thanks for the hair shot. Really. lol.
Cheesey One, thanks for the tips, I now see that by feminine myself down a bit, I might grow my followership, appreciate the insights!
Ha! With regard to your blog being like a Redbook magazine? I physically put my MacBook in my groom's lap the other evening so that he might get a guffaw from your open letter to Kate Whats-Her-Name.
He read through it with a furrowed brow, looked up at me, and went, "Hmmmmm. I thought she was supposed to be the next princess of the people."
*foreheadsmack* Men just don't get our humor, Cheese.
You have to be a strong man to survive being a Grade 1 teacher. My daughter is in Grade 1 and their a tough crowd.
THANK GOODNESS you cleared THAT up!
Loved this post, and love that you can laugh at yourself with us. But frankly, if one look at that arm hair doesn't prove your true manhood to everyone, then I don't know WHAT will.
You've convinced me!
sort of....
Hey, let's just say you have an amazing androgynous blog! Okay?
*laughing at what Missy said*
Wait, Moulin Rouge?
Of course, I like that movie, too...crud.
I'm a woman and I've never seen Moulin Rouge. Heck, the only reason I knew there was a royal wedding was because of FaceCrack.
You're going to have to do better than this ...
;)
I knew you were a man the moment I saw you in the Barney costume...you AND your eyebrow!
You're the best kind of straight man there is!
I'm totally LOLing at the Cheryl Miller comment!
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