Wednesday, April 27, 2011

What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good Cheeseman.

The comment was seemingly harmless but a perfectly placed jab of wittiness:

"How can you be a man?  I don't believe it."


I can't believe I am defending myself here, but I am a man.

Sure, my last few posts have been a bit, shall we say, "girly".  I mean, what man in his right, straight mind would write about a future princess, Easter Egg hunts and a story one of their first grade students wrote?

I suppose in a way, my blog is like Redbook magazine: Women love it and their husbands will eventually read it if it sitting around the toilet for any reasonable amount of time.

The truth is, I AM a man, and I don't need Donald Trump to request my birth certificate or even a doctor request that I turn my head and cough to prove it. No, I've got your proof right here...

- I can still name every member of the original Olympic "Dream Team". Yes, even Cheryl Miller.

- I listen to sports talk radio every morning and afternoon on my commute.

- I can name every song from Pearl Jam's first three albums.  And Alice In Chain's.  And Soundgarden's. And Celine Dion's*.

- I watch Wipe Out for two reasons: 1. To see people get smacked in the face.  2. For quick glimpses of that girl that talks to the contestants.

See, I waxed but I am still a man!
- I have burned off my arm hair several times with a gas grill.

- I have, or had arm hair.

- Some of my favorite movies are The Shawshank Redemption, American History X and Moulin Rouge*.

- I once changed my own oil in my car - and I did it with a bloody finger - just the skin around my cuticle, but it was bleeding alright.

- I eat hamburger on my steak on top of a giant platter of bacon.

- After I shave, I use Old Spice on my face and vinegar on my eyebrow.

- I can bench 100.  Or 200.  What's a lot? ((Not sure.)) Forget it, name it and I'll bench it.

Clearly, I have proved beyond a reasonable doubt that I am in fact, a male human.  The problem remains that if I write about sports and violent movies and hamburgers, I would lose 85% of my followers. So I will continue to try and entertain by being sissy.  Deal with it, sistas!

*Ah, crap!

63 comments:

My Oatmeal Kisses said...

He is a man people! He just has a woman's sense of humor.

Shannon said...

I don't know. I was convinced until I saw Moulin Rouge on your favorite movie list. That is one hell of a girlie movie. But since it is my all time favorite I take your word for it. At least you have taste!

Logical Libby said...

You listen to talk radio? So, you're an old man?

dbs said...

Don't tell anyone but I like Moulin Rouge too. It's like Shakespeare on crack. It makes me antsy though so I have to watch Braveheart immediately afterwards.

Oilfield Trash said...

This was good except for the Celine Dion part.

Oilfield Trash said...

Oh and I agree with you on sports radio. I listen to that on an am station and it drives my kids batshit crazy on the way to school.

mintifresh said...

I'm not sure how to respond except that your favorite movies makes me wonder about my gender seeings how they are on my list and that picture of Celine may give me nightmares tonight.

Oh and meat...goooooood

Heidi (lilmommyfoofoo) said...

HAHAHA!!!!!

Dude, you are hilarious! MAN!

My favorite was when you said,

"I eat hamburger on my steak on top of a giant platter of bacon."

You sir, are a hero. A man's man. A guy's guy. (are there enough man references there?)

Seriously though, who would ask you that? Hopefully someone online, not in real life....

Joann Mannix said...

I don't even know where to start except I think this surpasses pooping in the pants.

First of all, I'm not really sure but even though I've been diagnosed with too much estrogen thereby deeming me unqualified to ever catch a ball, I might still be more manly only because I can name every Pearl Jam song ever written but I cannot name anything by Celine. It might have something to do with my lust for Eddie Vedder. I can only assume it's the same for you.

Also too, I love that part in Moulin Rouge where Nicole Kidman...Oh why am I even talking about this. YOU know what I mean. LOL, sister.

Kate said...

You had me at eyebrow.

My husband loves sports talk radio. I listen to it only as long as it takes me to realize that he left his man station on my radio. I also retaliate by leaving HIS radio on rap stations. But I digress.

My 18 year old son LOVES Moulin Rouge. Of course, he's a self-professed drama geek, but he is, indeed, male.

The Empress said...

You are a dream man, which makes us say, in disbelief, "how can you be a man? you're cool enough to be a woman."

And women are usually my favorite people..they are just so funny, cool, hip, and...FUNNY.

So, disbelief in you being a man? A compliment like you wouldn't believe.

xo

Kristina P. said...

Have you texted pictures of your penis to anyone? I think that makes a real man.

The Bipolar Diva said...

Only a man would have written about poop in the urinals. I got ya covered!

Dazee Dreamer said...

OK, I have to say, I must be a man too because I like the same 3 movies you do. :)

lisleman said...

"eventually read it if it sitting around the toilet for any reasonable amount of time" - you just created the new standard for readership.

Melinda said...

What? Nothing about burping or farting or scratching? I don't know, those are the things that make my husband a man.

Noelle said...

I never doubted for a minute.

Kelloggsville said...

vinegar? Mars really is a different world.

Kathy said...

Why do you use vinegar on your eyebrows?

imbeingheldhostage said...

Women like a man in touch with his Celine Dion side, didn't you know that?

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I was starting to question after the Celine Dion answer, but the Wipe Out comment saved you.

Pearl said...

Whew! Well I'm glad we've cleared that up then!

:-)

I've never doubted you...

Pearl

-stephanie- said...

I would still read if you just wrote about hamburgers.

Christine said...

Ya but can you use a concrete chain saw and cut bigger windows into your basement?

Pedaling said...

a man who embraced his feminine side, as only a real man can do.

lifeshighway said...

You could be a man, but my husband gets immediate headaches when I try to watch Moulin Rouge. You may or may not have burned off your arm hair because I suspect I am seeing an arm rug.

Jenn said...

Yea, you maybe should have left out that part about Moulin Rouge :) Seriously, though.. I LOVE that you can name every song from Soundgarden's first three albums... you ROCK!!!

Cheryl said...

As I was reading your post, I was goin' "Oh yeah, he's definitely a guy right up to the words Moulin Rouge. Of course, then you turned it right back to "yep, he's a dude, alright" when you said you watched Wipeout. Such a guy thing.

The Church Lady said...

I am feeling the male testosterone here! Wait. Did you say you could name every Celine Dion song?

Impulsive Addict said...

I've never questioned your manhood. I do believe you are a man. I just think you may be in touch with your feminine side more so than the average Joe. I'm thinking you may be a little metro-sexual too with all the arm waxing and vinegar dabbling.....

We're not judging. We're just laughing!

Bossy Betty said...

We WUV you, Cheeseboy!

Pat said...

You had me convinced until I saw Moulin Rouge. One step forward...two steps back!

Hart Johnson said...

See the PROBLEM is that I can name all the grunge songs, change my oil (even with a bloody finger--hell, I've changed TIRES) and I don't even know any Celine Dion... And I am most definitely NOT a man... though your case with the arm hair is probably a good one. I don't have much of that.

Middle-aged Mormon Man said...

A Shakespeare would put it:
"Me thinks the lady doth protest too much."

Funny, funny stuff. Cheeseboy. Nay, CheeseMAN.

laughingmom said...

Perhaps you should post a vlog of you eating a "bacon explosion."

Susan in the Boonies said...

What a man, what a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty man.

Thanks for keeping me diverse by being my token male blogging buddy.

I owe all my political correctness to you and LG.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

I never questioned it. Hmm. Maybe I should?

Kelley said...

Hahaha!!! We would love whatever you wrote. I love how you threw in Celine Dionne and Moulin Rouge. Ha! Your sense of humor would be appreciated by any living creature. My potted plants are cracking up over here.

PBJdreamer said...

Vlog it up over here!!

You manly man you



heee

that is all

Lisa Loo said...

After watching all your videos--if you are not a man then I will have to seriously rethink everything I have ever thought about womanhood.......

Lourie said...

Moulin Rouge? Well I guess. You didn't list any suspicious TV shows. So I will just take your word for it. ;)

Chris Phillips said...

I had to take a quick feel of my nuts after watching Moulin Rougue, just to make sure they were still there. Can't believe you liked it. I'm going to have to ask you to hand in your man card for that.

Emmy said...

What is the name of the girl that talks to the contestants on Wipeout?? Actually if you are a man you might not know as you are just too busy checking out her assets.

Poor Cheesboy having to defend his manhood :)

purseblogger said...

Oh this sista is dealin' with it!

Beth Zimmerman said...

You're gonna have manly cholesterol issues if you eat hamburger on steak on bacon too often!

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

You are THE man, without a doubt. Please don't do any more hot wax stunts to prove it.
xoRobyn

Missy said...

There is no doubt you are a man!
A man with an ovary! LOL

Shawn said...

First time here and I have to say I believe you're a man. Only a truly secure man would proclaim his love for Celine. Do you like Cher too?

Sweet Bee Cottage said...

Cheeseboy - I have missed coming by and I vow to never miss a blog post of yours - whether it is perfect or not. I mean, is life worth living without cheese? I think not!

corky said...

Alas, I have the same problem...though I definitely have a "Y" chromosome, I watch Sleepless in Seattle, You've Got Mail, and When Harry Met Sally whenever they come on. However, for you skeptics, I am currently watching the NFL draft. FOOTBALL! If that isn't manly, I don't know what is!

Enjoy your blog. Keep up the great writing!

baygirl32 said...

can't stop laughing at the missing stripe of arm hair

Aisha said...

Wow- thanks for the hair shot. Really. lol.

Lazarus said...

Cheesey One, thanks for the tips, I now see that by feminine myself down a bit, I might grow my followership, appreciate the insights!

Desperate Housemommy said...

Ha! With regard to your blog being like a Redbook magazine? I physically put my MacBook in my groom's lap the other evening so that he might get a guffaw from your open letter to Kate Whats-Her-Name.

He read through it with a furrowed brow, looked up at me, and went, "Hmmmmm. I thought she was supposed to be the next princess of the people."

*foreheadsmack* Men just don't get our humor, Cheese.

Marnie said...

You have to be a strong man to survive being a Grade 1 teacher. My daughter is in Grade 1 and their a tough crowd.

Allyson & Jere said...

THANK GOODNESS you cleared THAT up!
Loved this post, and love that you can laugh at yourself with us. But frankly, if one look at that arm hair doesn't prove your true manhood to everyone, then I don't know WHAT will.

Pat Tillett said...

You've convinced me!
sort of....
Hey, let's just say you have an amazing androgynous blog! Okay?

dbs said...

*laughing at what Missy said*

Teachinfourth said...

Wait, Moulin Rouge?

Of course, I like that movie, too...crud.

Flea said...

I'm a woman and I've never seen Moulin Rouge. Heck, the only reason I knew there was a royal wedding was because of FaceCrack.

You're going to have to do better than this ...

;)

Connie said...

I knew you were a man the moment I saw you in the Barney costume...you AND your eyebrow!

Jason, as himself said...

You're the best kind of straight man there is!

MiMi said...

I'm totally LOLing at the Cheryl Miller comment!