On this, the 18th day of February in the year 2011 of our Lord, I Cheeseboy, by the powers invested in me by the state of Blogsylvania, declare the High-Five dead.
I, Cheeseboy, also declare the Fist-Bump lame and the "Fist-Bump into 'Splosions" PUTRIDLY lame. (See Howie Mandel)
Cheeseboy (which is I as hath been determined by previous paragraph), also declare the following as acceptable alternatives to the high-five and fist-bumps:
- E.T. finger touches
- Open-palmed tickles
- Interlocking finger curls
- Double interlocking finger curls
- "This is the church and this is the steeples"
- Tongue touches
- Tiger claws
- Bear claws
- Horse claws (difficult)
- Elbow bumps
- Head butts (softly)
- Backward head butts (lined up appropriately)
- Corn doggers (arm hair required)
- Back pats (without hug)
- Back pats (with hug)
- Nipple winks (extreme difficulty, special training required)
- Sanitizer squirts (mutual & non-mutual)
- Soccer Mom scratching
- Face punches (fake)
- Face punches (real)
I, Cheeseboy, hereby decree that this law will go into effect immediately. Thank you for your understanding.
It hath been said.