|Unicorn photo for your enjoyment.|
I give you a rundown of the recent favorites.
1-11-11 at 7:50 PM: If you think today, 1-11-11 was cool, just wait for February 22, 2222!
1-11-11 at 7:06 PM: Salmonella sounds like a horrible thing to get - - unless you are a fish, in which case it sounds like a delicious dessert.
1-8-11 at 12:08 PM: The soldiers rode toward the castle - swords drawn, ready for battle. As they came over the mountain, they saw that the castle was guarded by 1,000 men. Kevin then said, "I've got a bad feeling. A really bad feeling!" It was at that moment that they realized that they had forgotten to put a seat on Kevin's bicycle.
1-7-11 at 3:51 PM: The unicorn already felt very weird about his school class taking a field trip to the glue factory. But once they reached the glitter glue room, he felt the sudden urge to vomit.
1-7-11 at 7:32 AM: Contrary to popular opinion at the time, unicorns did not make good petting zoo animals.
-- (It was because of all the eye stabbings.)--
1-6-11 at 7:29 PM: The two television shows I'd LOVE to see combined????
Wipeout and The Jersey Shore.
1-6-11 at 7:12 PM: Let it be known that on January 6, 2011, millions of homeless Americans nationwide began working on their "radio voice".
1-5-11 at 7:26 PM: Congratulations to Salt Lake City for winning the million dollar Walmart foodbank challenge! The next time you go into Walmart, give the greeter an extra long, loving hug. When the greeter asks what that was for, wink at them and say, "You know what."
1-5-11 at 4:12 PM: Women: Instead of buying Shape Up shoes, you should invest in building new buildings with curved floors. That way, soon all of us will be walking around with thinner thighs and tighter butts.
1-4-11 at 6:52 PM: There is no shame in being the first woman kicked out of 'The Bachelor' house. No, the shame should have come when you were filling out the application to be on the show.
1-3-11 at 4:51 PM: Of all the Peanuts characters, Peppermint Patty definitely looks like she has been to the most Lilith Fairs.
1-2-11 at 12:50 PM: BEAUTIFUL MAN AWARD! I have received this award for being a beautiful man. I awarded it to myself and I will not be passing it on. I think I am beautiful inside and out. I am a man. I am a beautiful man. That is all.
1-1-11 at 10:12 AM: Saw on the news that Baby Jessica from the well is like 22 now. Someone should totally hook her up with a Chilean miner. So much in common.
12-30-10 at 11:45 AM: Saw a preview of the new Justin Bieber movie yesterday at the movies. It's the inspiring story of his "life" and "accomplishments". I can't wait for Part 2 where he gets arrested for DUI and checks into rehab.
12-24-10 at 8:07 PM: All year long I manage to avoid fixing stuff and putting crap together and then on Christmas Eve I am supposed to magically turn into a friggen' Al Borland?!
12-24-10 at 9:18 AM: I have removed all the mistletoe from the premises. No way is Santa Claus kissing my wife tonight. I think the cookies and milk are enough, you handsy perv.
12-15-10 at 9:29 PM: Our four-year-old son told us tonight that we celebrate Christmas "because of Jesus's burp."
And finally, tonight's...
1-12-11 at 5:30 PM: One of my first graders told me today that her grandpa died, "because he was so old". I told her I was very sorry. She said, "Actually, I am a little - - just a little bit happy about it." I asked her why (thinking she would say something about heaven) and she said, "Well, you know... all that slobber!"