You probably don't know who I am. Maybe you have seen me around? My name is Prairie Dawn. I am the girl that walks around the street with the high, pitchy voice. Some guys (Grover*) have told me it is cute.
You once included me in one of your counts when you were counting pink people.
Anyway, I am totally in love with you! I know it sounds weird, but I have been reading and watching a lot of Twilight lately and I now know that vampires can be sensual and esoteric.
I know you are totally too old for me, but isn't Edward like 4,000 years older than Bella or something? Surely, you would know... I mean, you are so good with numbers. I've always loved that about you.
My sweet, sweet Count - every time I think of you I get this strange feeling. And no, it's not the usual strange feeling I get either. You know? That feeling... that someone has their hand in your face, and is making you talk. I hate that.
I dreamt about you last night, Count. **You had your shirt off and your chest was glistening as you stood on top of Oscar's garbage can and counted pigeons. You were breathtaking.
I hope you don't think I am creepy, but I have been watching you from my bedroom window for a few months now. I love the way you walk through the street and count Big Birds feathers and Mr. Snuffaluffagus's turds***. And your laugh... "Ah ha ha ha"... it's intoxicating.
I've weighed the pros and cons of falling in love with a vampire. Sure, you might kill me and count my organs in your basement****, but it beats falling in love with a that sloppy pig, Cookie Monster.
By the way, if you want me, you best hurry. Barkley the Dog***** has shown some interest in me recently and you should see the size of his six pack! I mean, come on, I'm only human.
If you want me, I'll be sitting on the porch. I'll be the one wearing the dress covering the hand going up my backside.
PS: You know, I LOVE Bert and Ernie, but I will totally understand if you are, you know, like that. I mean, to be honest, it wouldn't surprise me in the least. After all, you do wear a monocle.
*Grover is only considered a "guy" on Sesame Street. On any other street, he is considered a sissy.
**Another sentence that I doubt has ever been blogged in the history of blogging.
*** Snuffaluffagus's street turds are cleaned up daily by that creepy garbage man that carries Oscar around.
****Ironic because The Count actually HAS an organ in his basement that he uses to count!
*****Barkley the Dog was the closest character I could think of on Sesame Street related to a werewolf.