If Baby Jesus Was Born Today...
Wise Man 1: We Three Kings of Orient are bearing gifts we traverse afar.
Joseph: Why are you talking like that? Is a traverse like a trampoline?
Wise Man 2: We have brought gifts for the King!
Joseph: How did you find us?
Wise Man 3: Field and mountain, moor and mountain, following yonder star.
Joseph: That? Oh that's a spotlight from the Haunted House going on next door.
Wise Man 1: Oh. Well, it was very telling as to your location.
Wise Man 2: We have brought gifts. Gifts for the King!
Joseph: Hold on. Let me go get Marry.
Mary: Welcome. Before you give the gifts, I must first examine them.
Wise Man 1: Gold I bring to crown him again.
Mary: Gold? He is three years old, you know.
Wise Man 1: Yes, gold I bring. Gold I bring to crown him again.
Marry: And where was this gold manufactured?
Wise Man 1: The Orient.
Mary: Is there lead in the gold? Is it tainted with lead?
Wise Man 1: Uh, uh... I know not.
Mary: You better keep it until you find out. I don't want my kid sucking on some block of gold that's tainted with lead.
Wise Man 2: Frankincense to offer have I. Incense owns a Deity nigh
Marry: Frankincense? Now, what is that exactly?
Wise Man 2: Frankincense is resin from the Boswellia tree.
Mary: And what is my child supposed to do with this Frankincense?
Wise Man 2: If you light it, it creates a very sweet incense.
Mary: Call us old fashioned, but we try and keep him away from second hand smoke, even of the incense variety. And he isn't about to start playing with matches.
Wise Man 2: What then shall I do with the Frankincense?
Mary: I suggest you burn it yourself. But I am beginning to question you three and your "wisdom".
Wise Man 3: Myrrh is mine, it's bitter perfume breathes of life of gathering gloom.
Marry: Gathering gloom? I do not like the sound of that. And why are you all singing your gifts?
Wise Man 3: No, no. Myrrh is resin that has great medicinal value.
Mary: Medicinal value? Does it have a safety cap?
Wise Man 3: A safety cap? What is the meaning of this safety cap?
Mary: Maybe you guys should go.
Wise Man 3: Wait, did I mention that it can also be used for embalming?
Mary: Yeah, I think you should definitely go. You can come back when you rethink your gifts to a little bit.
Wise Man 1: Well, how will we know where to find you?
Joseph: Look for the Haunted House spotlight.
Wise Man 2: You mean the star?
Joseph: They call you guys the "wise men"?