Next year, before I receive one of the following cutesy letters with a load of mystery brownies on my doorstep:
I'm putting this signs on my door:
FYI to "Ghosters":
If you leave your sweet smelling snacks
You should probably also leave a garbage sack
It's not that I want to be rude
It's just I don't eat mystery food!
Your kitchen might be coated with buckets of cat urine
And the milk you used might be as old as Martin Van Buren
And maybe you are a famous chef and you like to bake
But that is a risk I would NOT like to take!
Perhaps if you told me who you are, I would eat
Or maybe I'd be puking through the hole in our toilet seat
Not only will you leave worthless food at my door
But now you have given me a crappy chore
Now I have to leave someone my mystery cake
That will likely give a fool a belly ache
Yes, I know I'm going to hell.
But unless it's store-bought, it's going in the pail.
Adorable, right?
76 comments:
Should I just go with throwing a flaming bag of dog poo at your door, then?
I have never heard of this tradition, but I have to say that I am with you. There is no way I would eat random food that a mystery person filled with poison and left on my doorstep.
Of course it's adorable, as are most rhymes!
Best. Rhyme. Ever.
What's with that anyway? That's Boo-ship.
Although the trip to the ER could make for a ghostly halloween!
I'm your neighbor that left those brownies & my feelings are terribly hurt!! You don't know it, Cheeseboy, but I have pretended to live far away when I really don't. That wasn't cat hair in those brownies! I don't own cats! I only own a family of small oppossums!! I'm so sorry my food doesn't pass YOUR cheesy inspection! You can count on a pecan-coated cheeseball over your front door knob for at least the next week, man! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!
Somebody once "Boo"d us with a plate full of Resse's peanut butter cups.
I don't know who they were, but I love them.
I think this is the funniest unpoetic poem I have ever read. Good work. I wouldn't trust a ghoster either.
xoRobyn
It's reminds me of junk mail which is like saying to a stranger, here, could you throw this away for me?
I have a strict rule too about eating food left on my doorstep. I will not do it. I may borrow your adorable poem.
Bwwwaaahh!!
We didn't get "Booed" this year (thank heaven), but I think I'm copying out your poem for next year!
Yeah - I don't think ghosting would go over too well in this city. I would think someone was trying to poison me, or get me high with hash brownies. Not sure which. Utah is like a completely different world!
PS - you have mad skillz in the literary depo. LOL
I've heard of the 12 days of Christmas...but never "ghosted" or "boo'd". Must be a Utah thing...thank goodness!
Huh. I'm learning all sorts of things about Halloween these days. I never thought of all the poisoning possibilities (needle marks in candy, anyone?). I'm taking notes!
Very witty! I'm amazed that in this day and age, this tradition continues - sadly, you'd need to be nuts to accept these "gifts" at face value, you are right, who knows WHAT has gone in to the making of this stuff?
I hate chain letters/treats in all forms. Way to stand up to silly cultural norms.
And I agree, if you don't know who made it, it makes things a bit harder to swallow. That's why I have a hard time (sometimes) at pot luck events.
Stay strong.
We do ghosting here in Kentucky but with candy, wrapped and factory seal candy.
We even do ghosting at school among the teachers.
Time to call Gordon Ramsay, send him to you neighbors kitchen. BOLLOCKS......
Someone who shares my sentiment! I don't even like eating food my co-workers make. Hey, I don't know the conditions of their kitchen! And maybe they really are trying to kill everyone.
I guess I'm naive; I would have welcomed the plate with open arms. Now I would have to throw up a little in my mouth and throw the food away! Damn! You ruined ghosting for me! Great little poem, though!
We just call it getting "Booed" Which I find more hilarious. And I guess I'm more trusting. We eat and pass along. I love Booing someone. Although next year I'll probably send store bought so I don't offend.
Mystery brownies....ahhhh reminds me of my high school days. I love the 70's.
Geez, Cheez, way to ruin Halloween for somebody. ;o)
We got "Boo'd" at our house. But instead of homemade food, we were left a bag of candy and bracelets for the girls. I've been the "Boo-er" in past years. I leave good stuff, but nothing that would leave the "Boo-ee" suspicious.
I'm sorry your plate of brownies made you bitter. Your sign should work for next year. I admire your skill at poetry.
HAHAHAAAAAAA!!! What a strange tradition that is....then again, it is Utah, there are all kinds of strange things coming out of Utah..at least that's what I'm told :) This tradition reminds me of May Day....do you have that tradition? On May Day kids go around to housed and leave may baskets (cups or bags full of popcorn and candy) on your door..they ring the bell and you are supposed to chase after them...if you caught them, you had to kiss them. Strange little tradition too... sorry, now I'm just rambling!!
Never heard of being ghosted, but I'm afraid I would be putting the same sign on my door too. In fact if ghosting ever takes off here, I may well refer back to your note and use it for myself.
So funny. Here, it's called getting BOOed.
You are quite the poet, I must say!
Lol. Maybe it's just a Northern Utah thing, cause I have never seen that before.
You know why I hate it? Because it craps up my door decor that I've spent gobs of time in presenting. Like, why do I want to attach an ugly hand drawn flyer to the same area I have harvest wreaths and copper ribbon so perfectly positioned? Don't they know they'll mess up the symmetry and basically white trash my Autumnal beauty? Service oriented idiots.
Poetry...Sheer poetry!
I have never heard of this tradition, but with my neighbors I wouldn't trust there cooking if my life depended on it.
Too frickin' funny!!!
I wouldn't eat anything some stranger made, either....not in this day and age, anyway!
In Pennsyltucky, we call it, "You've Been Boo'ed"...
I admit, I have boo'ed a few friends in the past, but with store bought candy in a cute little pail with ribbon and bows and some stickers....
You got jipped.
Love the poem.
We got ghosted once, and like all chain letters, email forwards and other such things, it ended with is. I'm sure some fluffly bunnies and cute kitties died at midnight, and bad luck will be fall me for the rest of the year.
Hey, Mr. Halloween Scrooge, in this part of the South, we call it booing and it is super fun. Although we don't go all Betty Crockerish. We just throw in a few Snickers and Butterfingers and you have a boo. Safer. Better.
OH MAN! I've totally eaten the treats left on my porch! Now I'm freaked out I've eaten something coated in cat urine or worse! Thanks for ruining that for me...
That is too perfect! At least if they are going to bake you goodies, they can be kind enough to back away slowly enough for you to recognize them and decide if their cooking (or motives) meet your approval???
*rolls eyes* They don't let people do unwholesome things like unsanitary baking in Utah, silly.
Seriously though--we have the ghosting thing here (fortunately my kids are finally old enough to not be targeted) but it is always store bought stuff.
is that copywrited or can I use it too? this year they were store bought so we let the kids have them... of course (don't tell anyone) we didn't get around to passing it on to anyone else... we're lame like that sometimes!
Perfect. We got store bought candy from our ghost. But what I hate is the obligation to then do it for someone else. Seriously? I'ts not like it's Chirstmas or anything.
The last line is freakin' hilarious.
That's a different tradition.. I wouldn't be eating mystery food, could be full of something
Really?
Bah humbug to you then.
Fiiiiine.
I guess you won't be getting any homemade fudge from me....
Or dipped pretzels in chocolate.
And yeeeesssss, i do have cats, but they do NOT walk on my counters when I'm baking.
Only at night.
When I'm asleep.
LOL....
bwahahahahahha!
I agree with you Abe, but people, don't think that food made in a restaurant or a factory is ANY CLEANER than food made in the average dirty kitchen. Also, people have poisoned food made in a factory to give to people so mystery non-homemade food on your doorstep is no more safe...
I agree with you Abe, but people, don't think that food made in a restaurant or a factory is ANY CLEANER than food made in the average dirty kitchen. Also, people have poisoned food made in a factory to give to people so mystery non-homemade food on your doorstep is no more safe...
A Little Paranoid aren't You? LOL
Why am I not surprised that you came up with a poem to counteract the Ghosting tradition!? My neighbor would love this! Mike as far as to "invent" a Thanksgiving Turkey treat phantom just for them because they hate the Halloween phantom so much! LOL They know it's us but he does it just to bug them! Maybe our little 1st grader is going to have to bring you a Thanksgiving Turkey phantom one of these days! hehe!
Ya, I don’t eat anonymous stuff either. I know it is suppose to be cute and all, but do these people not read the paper?
Makes total sense to me, dude.
Last year we got Boo'd/ghosted, whatever. I forgot to put the sign up in our window. And then I got ghosted 2 more times. And I never took anyone treats. Whoops.
Haha I hate being ghosted although I'm usually willing to eat whatever shows up at the door.
Adorable? Not so much.
Spot on? Darn straight.
I wouldn't eat it either.
Well I never thought something like this would be thought of like that. Hummm......not a thought. Oh well, we don't do that here anyways because everyone has dogs and they'd eat it before you'd get to answer the door.
So my dear Cheeseboy, I have left you some questions on my blog to answer if you have a moment in your life.
I hope you have a great evening and take care. God Bless!!
ABSOLUTELY!!! 100% maybe it is a teacher thing too? I mean? all the nose picking/digging we see has to warp us a bit.
I've gotten booed before, and it had nothing to do with food.
just saying....
Ha! Funny poem!! Mormons "ghost" here too, but they usually leave me store bought stuff. (Probably because I never buy the stuff. They know my kids are the only ones at school w/homemade cookies.) :o)
Yup that must be a Utah thing b/c no self-respecting New Yorker would eat random food left on their doorstep. Jesus that's creepy who started that tradition? They should be tarred and feathered ASAP. Nice poem though!
Yup, this "tradition" is alive and kickin' in Massachusetts. My neighborhood gives little treat bags of wrapped candy, not baked goods.
Yup, this "tradition" is alive and kickin' in Massachusetts. My neighborhood gives little treat bags of wrapped candy, not baked goods.
You're a grinch! Just sayin'.
LOL
Funny poem, I love it.
I personally don't usually mind sampling the sweet offerings of others, of course now I'm going to have to re-think that!!!
Oo, harsh, dude! I don't like mystery food, either, but I'm pretty sure that whoever left that plate on your porch also reads your blog, and may be taking the references to cat urine and puking through the toilet hole a teensy, weensy bit personally. Just watch your back at school and church for a few weeks!
Unless you hand over hand-made treats directly - I wouldn't eat them either.
;P
My sentiments EXACTLY!!! Gratefully, word got out around my neighborhood that I don't play nice and we haven't been ghosted in years.
Lol! We aren't ghosted here but booed. Love love your poem
YEP! Lived in a neighborhood that had the Phantom Ghost and you had to do it to three people and of course you got the guilt trip if you dared not do to play if forward. My hubby ecspecially loved having to do the mad dash with the kids where one always waited just a little too long.. So glad I have Amish neighbors! ;)
yep it happens here too and i'm right there with ya... why would you do something good without receiving recognition for it???? If I go to the trouble of baking something I want the recipient to brag on me for at least a month!!!!!
That is touching!
They do it around here too but not with baked goods. Just good oldfashioned store bought junk!
Bah Humbug Cheeseboy. It's all in good fun. It's not just Utah either, we've been ghosted as far as the Azores and I noticed this year, there were several houses on the base here in England that were Ghosted this Halloween.
Maybe the anonymous baking is a creepy idea, but I would NEVER refuse a plate of Reese's cups :-)
I think I'm safe saying this here.....
this is exactly why I don't go to ward dinners here in the middle of nowhere Montana. Talk about a huge variety of mystery meat........ack! Can you write me a verse for that?????
You ungrateful little block of cheese! haha I wouldnt eat either! ewwww
I'm with you on this one, Abe…unless it's store bought and prewrapped (unless I know who it's from) I end up tossing it, too.
i know! Like I'm gonna eat brownies let on my porch by someone i don't know! well, unless they were special brownies maybe...
I feel the same way about this and potlucks. Hysterical!!
I'm with Kristina. You're gettin dog poo'd next year.
Just as a by the way: I moved my blog. I'd love it if you'd come follow me! I'm now at Turtle Droppings!
I wouldn't eat them either unless I had a death wish.
Oh. My. Word.
You know you're a target for TP next year, right?
Oh, Utah, and our crazy traditions. Anyone in NYC or LA would be like "WTF?!?" LOL
oh....Utah...what have you done....
haha that is awesome! I didn't get ghosted whew!
gotta love the Utah traditions :)
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