Saturday, February 6, 2010

You see, I have this idea...

We only have two boys in our family and that might be just enough for us.

However, I have not ruled out inventing a robotic ten year old girl to join that family.

I would have already done it by now if it weren't for those meddling neighbors! There is this freckled red headed twerp that is always up into my business.

I don't have all the plans in place, but here is what I do have:

The girl will be named Nicki.
She will have a control panel in her back.
She will sleep in a closet, but that won't be weird at all.
She will be able to dunk a basketball.
She will be able to stretch her neck.

She is going to need a door in her backside so I can get at her wires and such. The door is going to need to swing - a swinging door is actually really important. I'm also going to need one of those black ribbons to put behind the batteries. I hate when there is no black ribbon... I can NEVER get the batteries out. I promised myself that if I were to ever invent something that takes batteries, I would include a black ribbon.

In an unrelated note, my wife will begin to wear stylish floral jumpsuits. Sometimes they will be floral, sometimes not. Either way, they will have a fruffy, fluffy, sexy front butt. She has made the switch to these saucy outfits at my request. However, I really like the floral patterns.

I am not sure where I got this idea. I just think Lincoln and Nicki could really get along. Lincoln has an affinity for fancy gadgets. We have also recently bought him an aluminum closet that he currently has no use for. I think we could put a nice pillow in there for her and maybe install an outlet.

If it weren't for that obnoxious meddling neighbor, Harriot! I would have long had things in place.

Is this a weird? If it is weird, will someone please let me know before I take these plans any further. I have run it through my mind a thousand times, and my mind has spoken to my heart and told my heart to trust itself. I am trusting my heart that is trusting my mind. My mind is following the idea that we need to lock a robotic girl in a closet in Lincoln's room. It's so crazy that it just might be genius.

Darn that Harriot! Is that her again?! Where's my BB gun? How can a man build a creepy, plastic child with a kibitzing crackerjack redhead bopping around the windows?

My prototype is almost complete. She is a doll. I think Lincoln is going to be impressed. Things would be a lot easier if I had an updated computer:

If these plans fall through (due to Harriot and her dodgy, ugly, pigtailed face!), I do have backup plans in the works:

1. I may run for Governor and but make my black butler do most of the real work while I play putt-putt in my giant office.

2. I met this big nosed alien and I may adopt him so he can eat the annoying neighborhood cats.

3. I really, really want a sidekick. Maybe someone named Monroe... or Balki... or Boner. I'm not really sure on the name yet, I just know I need a sidekick that will be loyal. Loyalty is important for a sidekick to have. Almost as important as a name.


LarryH said...

There needs to be a "VERY Strange" Button. Better yet a VERY, VERY Strange Button. I would have voted for the latter ..

Cheeseboy said...

I know Larry. I really shouldn't smoke pot and blog.

BTW, are you Larry H. Miller? Cause I thought he was dead. Woo, this trip just got even stranger.

Tammy said...

I HATED this show!!!!!!! In fact, I can't remember a single episode . . . THANKFULLY! I did enlarge your photo of Cathi's new wardrobe and got a few good laughs :)

Joshua said...

When you get her working can you build me one too? We want a daughter too. We tried taking in this foster kid named Punky, but her socks didn't match and she was kind of top-heavy. The robot idea seems lots easier.

Joshua said...
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The Quist's said...

Abe! Do we really have a twirpy, red headed, freckled face child that is all up in your business! Mitch and I couldn't stop laughing and then we thought, "do we?" Thanks for making us laugh!

lindsey v said...

Very funny. Very. That swinging door idea is fantastic.

Cheeseboy said...

THANK YOU LINDSEY! I knew SOMEONE had to get my sense of humor.

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