It's once again Christmas time and that can only mean one thing: My annual post on the absolute corniest, assuredly mawkish, undoubtedly overplayed, awful Christmas songs that I hate. Yes, if you are like my wife (meaning female), you started listening to Christmas music back in October. To make matters worse, Christmas radio in Utah diluted with horrible local artist's renditions of the old standbys.
So, without further ado, I give you this year's list of Christmas songs I am completely and decidedly fed up with:
1. All I Want For Christmas Is You - Mariah Carey -
I don't want that much for Christmas... just never to hear this song on the radio again. - Ohhh BABY! -
2. Santa Baby - Madonna -
Every time this song comes on the radio, I feel like a piece of Swiss, being scraped up and down on a human sized cheese grater. When I think Yuletide and sugarplums, I think Madonna... trying to seduce Santa Clause.
3. Do They Know It's Christmas? - Band Aid -
There won't be snow in Africa this Christmas time? This song came out in '84 and 25 years later there is still NO snow in Africa? Why are stations still playing this total shlutz? It is absolute garbage (garbage that could be fed to the starving orphans in Africa). I have an idea: never play this song on the radio again and perhaps it WILL start snowing in Africa!
I actually heard this song the other day and immediately turned the station in disgust. The station I changed it to? SAME AWFUL SONG! It's like the rotten Christmas song gods were trying to hunt me down.
4. Last Christmas - Wham
Last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day, you gave it away? This year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special. - Enough said.
5. Feliz Navidad - Especially that awful slow version that says "With lots of presents to make you happy."
This song is so amazingly racist! Christmas is not about gifts and stuff - Christmas is about family and love. However, apparently the song writers think that Spanish people need a lot of gifts to be happy.
**Of course, this list will always and forever have a permanent spot saved for "Lifetime Achievement Award" winner: Christmas Shoes by NewSong. Not only the worst Christmas song of all time, but perhaps the worst song of all time period.