Monday, November 23, 2009

Sorry ladies - HD is for men.


Women just don't get the whole HD thing. HD is 100% a man thing. Not having HD for a man is akin to not having testosterone.

Women really could care less about HD. As long as they can make out Oprah's face and Dr. McDreamy's abs, they are in TV heaven! Heck, they don't even need the picture. Just give them Dr. Oz's voice talking about self exams or the crazy ladies from Good Things Utah chatting about making crafty Family Home Evening stencils with leftover mascara and a used popsicle stick.

When watching television with a woman, you can expect that they will do very little "watching". For one thing, they don't have the patience for it. Women very rarely just sit and watch a television show. On average, during a 60 minute program, a woman will actually view about 6 1/2 minutes. Sure, she will have heard every word of the show, but actual eyes-on-screen-time will equate to be roughly 6 1/2 minutes.

Women are programmed to multitask and most feel as though they are wasting time by just sitting and watching. Generally, they are doing crossword puzzles, sewing, crocheting, surfing the web, reading, cleaning up spills or folding laundry while "watching" television. (Granted, if it is a chick flick, a woman will drop everything and watch with every ounce of energy, at least until the couple kiss in the rain)

Men, on the other hand, are visually attached to the television like a hawk to it's prey. This is especially true of sporting events. Given the right game, nothing will draw our attention away from the tube - nothing, and I mean nothing. (Except for one thing)

So, HD matters to men. It matters a lot. Sports are in HD. We men like the sports. (At least real men do) While watching these sports, our eyes are already fixated on that screen with reckless abandon... might as well be crystal clear. Not only crystal clear, but "real life" clear. We men want to feel like we are there, on that football field, and Brett Farve's sweat is dripping on us like a leaky rain gutter. We want Brett Farve's sweat on us... at least real men do.

I mean honestly, what does it matter if "The View" or "Glee" is in HD anyway? And there are some shows I don't really need to see in HD - The Biggest Loser being at the top of that list. The only thing I need to see in HD on that show is Bob's beard; so well groomed, so perfectly trimmed.

My personal belief is that man's desire to see things in HD stems from the early caveman days.

- Grunt... huff... hit man on head with club.

- Can't see... grunt.. arr... man get hit with club.

- Grunt... need higher definition on cave wall... grunt... preferably one with the 1080-line system - a common HD format. A 1080-line system has 1080 vertical pixels and 1920 horizontal pixels, with up to five times the resolution of a standard definition picture.

Grunt..


If only it wasn't $10 extra a month...

5 comments:

lindsey v said...

Whatever! I'm a woman who would totally choose to have HD... (if only it weren't $10 extra a month). Just like I would choose to have a DVR if it didn't cost extra. I hate money! (Except I love it.)

Tammy said...

I agree Abe. I don't care about HD. But I am a woman who does watch the show if it's one I'm interested in. It gets my full attention :). Especially if it's something exciting like "The Hills".

Crossdressing Toad said...

You totally have me and my husband pegged on this post. Not just with HD TV but with TV in general. :)

Sco said...

Glee is so much better in HD. (Just kidding.) That's cool you get HD! That way you can watch the Cougars spank the Utes on Saturday in excruciating detail.

Sco said...

Huh. Just realized you may not have HD. Your posts are many-layered, just like onions. And more tasty as they simmer. What we really need is free HD with free Tivo's. Then we can all exercise our God-given rights to watch sumo, golf and curling as they should be watched.